I am still in Chapter 1. I have been very resistant, but I think I'm finally getting through that. But it means that I'm a bit behind where I wanted to be right now, even with our nice, relaxed, two-weeks-per-chapter schedule. Ah, well. I will eventually catch up.
One of the things I am looking closely at right now from Chapter 1 is this sentence: "Most of the time when we are blocked in an area of our life, it is because we feel safer that way." There's a huge, loud, "YES!" echoing inside me when I read this. So I am working on journaling about why and how moving out of these unhappy, stuck places feels unsafe. I think this is a really important point for me--I think this preference for safety is keeping me stuck in all the places in my life where I feel stuck and unhappy and trapped. So I may be taking more time still with Chapter 1, but I think that might just be okay.
Daily Pages are happening intermittently. They're happening more days than not, so it's progress. I am planning my next artist date for this coming Sunday--not sure what I'm going to pick yet, so you'll just have to quiver in anticipation until next week when I report in!
Affirmations. I hate them. They feel stilted and stupid in my head and on my tongue, and I just can't find any that don't annoy me because they feel silly. Working on it, but really not doing much with that. This resistance may be because I really need these, though, so I am going to continue working on them, trying to find something that doesn't make me feel dumb when I write or say it.
More later in the week probably. I'm finding myself finally really reading the book and starting to do things instead of just poking at it half-heartedly, so I think there may be more to say soon.
Edit: The fears that are still with me after working through some of them:
- I will do bad work and be laughed at
- I will have only one good piece of work in me (so I have to make sure whatever I finally work on to completion is REALLY, REALLY good because it might be the only good piece I ever do, or maybe even the only piece I ever finish)
- It's too late. If I haven't become a fully functioning, writing writer yet, I never will
5 comments:
I will do bad work and be laughed at.
Yes, and no. Of course you'll do bad work, everyone does. Getting rejected is part of being a writer. Nobody's likely to laugh, though, just move on to the next thing.
I will have only one good piece of work in me (so I have to make sure whatever I finally work on to completion is REALLY, REALLY good because it might be the only good piece I ever do, or maybe even the only piece I ever finish).
If you spend all of your time fussing with a single piece, then you will only ever finish one thing. If you finish it at all. Do your best, but learn to let go. The next one will be better, and the one after that even more so. Do you know Neil Gaiman's Writer's Prayer? He's got this pegged.
It's too late. If I haven't become a fully functioning, writing writer yet, I never will.
This is nonsense, but appealing nonsense because it gives you an excuse for failure that's out of your control. I can't do this because I'm too old.
Bullshit. Writing isn't competition gymnastics. The more you've lived, the more you have to write about.
And, of course, you don't need an excuse. You started this because you wanted to; you can stop for the same reason. No other explanation necessary.
I won't tell you that you can do anything you want to, because that's bullshit too, but you won't know whether you can or not unless you work hard at it for a while. Then you can make an informed decision whether to continue. That's the best anyone can ever do.
Thanks, Phiala! My rational brain has known all along the things that you are saying. Now I'm working to convince my subconscious, fearful little self that there's nothing real about these fears. :)
They're real fears, because you feel them and they affect your outlook and behavior. They're irrational fears because they aren't grounded in your current life.
You know, kind of like pi.
Maybe you can turn them into a vanishing series, where they get smaller and smaller and smaller...
Morgan the Ferocious Monster says my hands should be put to better use than typing.
Thank you for being so honest. I can relate to your post and journey. And you're not alone...I had a hard time getting started on the journey and am only just catching up. And I definitely agree with your own take that you probably need the affirmations if you're resisting them. Good luck this week!
The first time around (2007) I hated the affirmations too. I´m glad to have kept my original notes as I could compare and see how easy they are now. Something shifted along the way. Much to do with this book, plus Jamie´s wishing practice and other artists influence as well. Keep working, it´s taking you places! :)
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