Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Finding My True Voice

Finding my voice.  Finding my true self.  Finding the real me.  However you want to phrase it, it's something that needs my attention.  I am cruising, skating, skimming through life.  I have not been ducking under the surface into the depths much at all in the past few years.  I am doing things, putting on a good front, missing the reality I need to be touching.

How does this happen?  It's easy, really.  It's busy-ness.  I am even busy with things I actually want to be doing and that actually do feed my dreams and move me toward reaching them.  That sort of busy-ness is especially difficult to tame, because it is needed.  But it can still be a problem because it keeps me from going deep.

My writing is suffering from my busy-ness because I am only paying it lip service.  I make some story notes.  I squeeze in a quick 10-15 minute freewrite now and then.  I do not make time for a regular, thoughtful, meaningful writing practice.  And so when I sit down and want to write something good, something important and true with real depth, great description, genuine feeling, I can't do it.  My words are creaky and cold.  They haven't been used in too long, not really used.  They are like muscles, and they need to be retrained.  But I get frustrated with my lack of flow, and I go back to being busy and not writing regularly.

 My words are like this crow, alone in the middle of a barren, rocky land.  They need nourishing and company.

Don't get me wrong.  I am really pleased with what I'm doing so far with my creativity coach training and the business and my weekly art experiments.  Those are definitely taking me toward a place I want to be.  But I have to overcome the fear and inertia and bring regular writing into the mix.  My first love and heart's desire is writing, and I must find a way to stop ignoring it, avoiding it, neglecting it.

The Bird by Bird read-along starts next week.  I hope there are some insights and some practical help coming my way soon.


Marisa Birns said...

I am also going to be a member of BIRD BY BIRD reading group.

What you've written here resonates!

mariblaser said...

Hi! I came through Marisa up there. I sympathize very much with your feelings Kim. I'm sure you'll find much encouragement in this reading group, and you were lucky enough to make contact with Marisa, who is an outstanding writer and great friend.

You might feel that you are in a dry landscape, but to the contrary of the crow, you're not alone. :)

Kim Switzer said...

Thank you Marisa & Mari. It's a really good feeling knowing someone else is there for this trip. :)

Adriane said...

Hi Kim! Great post!

Contrarily, I have been diving too deep... so deep, in fact, that much of what I write ONLY resonates with me, which doesn't make for good reading, necessarily. The urge to write something meaningful AND good is there... maybe this will lead me to it... here's hoping, anyhow. :) ~Adriane xx

Kim Switzer said...

Adriane, I think we have to turn inward before we can take what we learn back out into the world. So maybe you were just mining for the good nuggets, and now you're getting ready to bring them back with you. :)

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