Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday--Fresh Starts

I got teary eyed when I read Jamie's question this week: "Where do you wish to make a fresh start?" Oh.  Maybe this is something really important.

An hour later, I'm back to this post.  I can't think of anything to write, and yet I want to write something about this.  But I am filled with regret when I read this question. So much regret, I can't find the wish inside there. So many things have slipped by, their time gone, and they cannot be restarted, recaptured, reclaimed.  So what do I want to make a fresh start with?  What thing do I want to start over that can actually be started fresh?

There's not much that says "fresh start" to me more clearly than slanted morning light and my morning coffee (or occasionally tea).  Those relaxed days when I'm on my own schedule so I'm not up ridiculously early and rushing around to get to work are so perfect.  I can sit, sip, let the warmth seep into me, contemplate the beautiful, brand new day ahead of me and how I want to move through it. There's a wish in that image somewhere, a fresh start for every day.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain

Another break, a short drive and a healthy lunch, and now I have some clarity, I think.  All of the regrets I am feeling, or at least most of them, revolve around things I wanted to do, wanted to try and didn't.  So many of them because I was waiting to get thinner, too.  I wanted to be a cheerleader, but I think that one was tied up in other things I wanted more than actually wanting to jump around with pom poms (although when I put it that way, it actually sounds fun).  But the things I really regret now?  I wanted to be a dancer.  I wanted to be a surfer.  I wanted to be an actor.

Now, I also can look back and see that I wanted something to really be interested in, a major in school that really thrilled me and engaged me and would have led me to something that really touched my soul.

So what do I want a fresh start on?  All of that.  Even the impossible parts.  What does that mean?  I don't know.  I want a do over on all the things I didn't try, didn't do, let slip away because I was afraid and insecure and felt like a failure before I'd even tried.  I don't exactly know how to put this into words.  I don't have a clear vision of it yet.  But I want a fresh start on living an interesting life filled with things that amaze and amuse and challenge and inspire me.  Maybe that's the phrasing?  Maybe... Ah, here: 

I want a fresh start on living without regrets for things I've left undone!


Pam said...

As Kim wishes for herself, so I wish for her as well.

I know how you feel... I have regretted so much and so many things left undone. And then I realize, I'm only 36, I still have the ability to try some things I haven't tried and do things that I haven't yet done... I just wish I knew WHAT they were now... :)

Tee said...

There is no time like right now to do just that!

As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her also! ♥Tee

Jo Anna said...

Wow, Kim. That is so powerful. You let go of the regrets and you are left with a shiny, even more spectacular you...with a world of possibilities.

Jo Anna said...

Oops...i was so floored by your post I forgot:
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.

Ginny said...

Kim, what a beautifully written post. I could really empathize with what you wrote. As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her as well.

Marilyn said...

beautiful last line. as Kim wishes for herself, i wish for her also.

Paula-Jewelry Designer & Tomboy said...

I understand and identify with your regrets, desire to have do-overs, and your wish to have an interesting life. As you wish for yourself, I also wish for you.

chel said...

I could SO relate to this post. On so many levels. My passion has always been art, and art education. And I let one of my advisors in college discourage me from a career in museum work- he made a few off comments that I took too much to heart. The regret I feel from that just pummels me every day. It's very powerful and crippling. I'm so sorry you are going through this, too.

But maybe we can all start our lives NOW. maybe we can change things, incorporate all the lessons and experiences we learned as young adults into a new future. I am hopeful.

I truly hope your wishes come true, and everything you need for this journey presents itself to you.

Ceanne said...

As Kim wishes for herself, I also wish for her!

I really understand the feelings of regret...I've been there many times.

Googlover/keishua said...

As you wish, I also wish for you.
Regret is a terrible feeling but a new start can be just the thing to open the gates of possibility.

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

Wow, Kim.... fresh start with no regrets... best way. As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Cindy Jones said...

A fresh starts doesn't necessarily equate "staring again." It can mean a fresh start for you now. As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her also.

Amy Putkonen - Cirkla said...

Hi Kim,

This was fun to read. I wish that sometimes too - that I could redo parts of my life that are so clearly gone for me now. A part of me always wanted to be a dancer. When I see dancers on a stage, I think that part of me is impossible... but maybe not? I guess sometimes we just need to decide what is most important to us now and focus our attentions on that. As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her also!

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