Thursday, April 29, 2010

Courageous Conversations

This one's long--settle in with some tea.  I do go on sometimes.  I'm okay with that.

I just read this post at Wishstudio about beginning courageous conversations.  The author, Kate Swoboda of Your Courageous Life, asks important questions there, but more importantly she tells a lot of true and important things.

I really like what she did, so I'm going to jump in and answer some of the questions she asked.

The first batch of questions: "Who are you? What do you yearn for most deeply? What moves you? Where would you like to be in one year? Who is the biggest supporter in your life, and where in your life is there an energy drain you’d like to get rid of? What is the most courageous thing you’ve ever done? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? What do you think Scarlett Johanssen whispered in Bill Murray’s ear at the end of Lost in Translation?"

Who am I? I am a drifter who has never quite found her place to settle in the world, although lately I find that my feathers are ruffling a bit more slowly, and I'm sinking deeper into the nest I've landed in.  I think I might be finding my place to be and my person to be. 

I most deeply yearn for feeling like what I'm doing is worth getting up for in the morning.  I want to look at the way I spend most of my time and feel good about it.  (I also want to save all the animals in the world from fear and loneliness and cruelty, but I think that's a different subject.) 

What moves me?  Animals--if they're cute, they make me squeak; if they need help, they make me cry and then make me angry and make me write letters.  Injustice makes me furious and also leads to letter writing.  Music moves me and stirs my emotions, different ones with different songs.  Stories and poetry and sometimes snippets of TV shows or movies.  This question feels much too big--everything moves me.  Maybe this one is for later.

My biggest supporter is my wonderful boyfriend, Matthew.  He listens to my latest ideas, my latest frustrations and worries and hopes, and he helps me hash out how I really feel about the things I'm talking about so that I can figure out my next step.

Yes, there's an energy drain in my life.  More than one, I think.  My day job makes me exhausted and bored and frustrated; I think the boredom and frustration actually lead to the exhaustion.  I need the income.  I feel trapped.  My energy is drained.  And then money.  I have not learned to not get stressed and anxious about it (and the low paying job doesn't help), and this is a huge energy drain.

And finally, the most courageous thing I've done.  I think that was packing up and moving from the Chicago suburbs to Portland, Oregon with no job lined up and no place to live ready for me.  A couple of people I know were already here, so I wasn't completely alone, but I was mostly alone.  But I did it anyhow, and in the long run it was a brilliant move.

I landed in a rough, hard place, and I grew and sprouted and blossomed anyhow.  Definitely a courageous time in my life!

There were more questions to answer.  I'm going to separate this into two posts, though, for your convenience.  :)

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