Plotting, Pages, and Pantsing

I am so glad that Jamie Ridler is doing this September morning pages check-in.  It's really been helping me dive back in to my daily pages because when I've been tempted to skip them I remember that I told people I was going to do them every day in September.  And then I sit down, pick up my pen, and get them written.

And because I've been doing my pages for a few days in a row now, I'm starting to dig in to things I need to be focusing on or working on or thinking about.

First, I've been contemplating my writing, especially how I write.  My natural tendency in writing is to be a pantser (you know, writing by the seat of your pants not knowing what's going to happen next).  This is fun.  It also doesn't work for me. I have yet to finish a novel length work this way.  I always peter out partway through, and a big part of this is because I don't have any ideas for what's going to happen next or where I'm trying to go.

I don't every want to plot out every little thing that's going to happen--I think that would bore me and keep me from writing the story because I would already know everything.  But it's become clear to me that I need to do more planning than I have in the past to help me get where I want to be as a writer.  I really need to have a solid foundation of major points in place before I write.  That way, even though I might not know exactly how each scene will play out until I write it, I'll have an idea of what each big scene will be about.  Now I have to figure out a good way to do this sort of planning I think I need if I'm going to manage to actually finish a novel.  So tonight, after I write this, I'm hunkering down with a bunch of books and notes and websites and piece together something that feels right for me.

A lot of my daily pages the past few days have been about my writing and what I need to do to be the writer I want to be.  But I also dredged up some interesting questions that I realized were bothering me enough that they were keeping me away from my daily pages.

See, I used to write in a journal constantly.  I had it with me all the time, along with my arsenal of colored pens, and I would write little bits and pieces here and there plus sit down to really long writing sessions almost every day.  But that was "journaling" or, after I read Natalie Goldberg's writing books, "writing practice."  There was a lot of similarity to morning pages because I did a lot of stream-of-consciousness writing, but there was always the intention of keeping those journals, maybe perusing them at a later time to search out little nuggets of really good description or dialogue or something that I might want to use later.

The morning pages seem to me to be throwaway pages.  They aren't journal pages or writing practice to be kept and possibly used or at least appreciated later.  And I find that I don't like that idea.  I don't like them being just a brain dump with no other purpose.  And so I've given myself permission to do things like play with rhymes and scenery descriptions if I want to and if that's what's on my mind when I sit down to write.  And I'm doing the daily pages in my regular journal along with anything else I feel like sticking in there.  I feel that I'm getting a lot of benefit from doing the pages (as you can see above), so I don't want to get hung up on what is probably, in the end, a really minor bit of semantics.

Morning Pages Reboot

Yes, I have fallen away from my morning pages.  Again.  For a few weeks, I fell away from pretty much everything except the daily necessities--work, food, exercise, sleep.  Last week I was in Chicago for eight days visiting my mother in the nursing home.  She's doing great and will be going home next Friday after a bit more physical therapy, but getting ready for the trip when I didn't know if she was going to be okay, plus the travel itself, plus a death in the family here at home while I was gone left me completely frazzled.

But today is a new day.  And the start of a new month.  And like a brilliant fairy godmother, Jamie Ridler sailed in with a morning pages group check-in for September.  How perfect is that timing?

So I'm in.  I'm stepping back into my daily pages (because I still don't do well when I try to do them in the morning).  I'm stepping back into reading The Artist's Way.  I'm stepping back into my novel.  I'm stepping back into my life and taking it forward again. There's a lot to do, many tasks involved in setting myself back on my path and moving ahead, but as I always do I will start with the words and go from there.  Thank you, Jamie, for this perfect idea at the perfect time!

Just Write

“I think the hardest part is getting a draft finished. It’s important to stop thinking about writing and just write. It’s something I grapple with every day—stop thinking, start writing.” ~ Sara Gruen (From a Writer’s Digest interview with Sara Gruen, the author of the bestseller Water for Elephants.)

This quote hit me hard today. Probably because this is something I’m working with right now, my hesitancy to actually write. I am struggling with it, only half sure of the reasons for it, and it seems like everywhere I turn someone is telling me “just write.”

Just write. How? I don’t know. I want to be working on my novel. Novels. I am not working on them.

I have some ideas of things I can or should be doing to get back into them—reread the last 50 pages, do some character work to get a better handle on who my people are and what they would really do in various situations. I am not doing any of this either.

My hesitancy might hint at some deep-seated fears. They might. I’m sure there are fears hanging around in there. I can feel some of them, especially the fear that the book won’t be any good (Duh! First draft generally equals not so good) and the fear that I won’t know how to do good revisions and make a not so good book into something publishable.

I don’t think these are the reasons I’m not writing. Or at least not the main reasons. I think I am not writing because I have a habit of not writing. And possibly (probably) the idea of breaking that habit by writing something important to me—like my novels—is a bit too daunting.

I do know the way out of this. Writing. More specifically, writing practice. Various subjects, free writing, non-stop for 15 or 20 minutes a day. Over and over, every day, until the dam breaks. And then the novels can begin again.

I have brushed past this knowledge a few times in the past months. I don’t want this to be the thing I need to do. I want to be working on my stories. But that isn’t happening, and I need to break out of this not-writing habit. So, writing practice. This week and next week. Every day. 15 minutes.

To make myself feel better, I will allow research, character work, notes about my stories while I’m doing this. But I’m not going to actually do any writing for them. Not yet. May 5. I can start story writing then for the next Book-In-a-Week session.

I think I’ll use writing prompts as my starting points. I generally enjoy them, and they’re a good way to keep the focus on just writing and stay away from story (and isn’t forbidding myself from writing story just a fabulous way to build the desire?). Time to check out my favorite prompt site, Toasted Cheese, and get started.

Hope and other rambling thoughts

I am really not writing these days. And I need to. I even long to. And yet I'm not really doing it, except in small doses. Why am I not writing? Discomfort. Disorganization. Lack of focus. Lack of energy. Lack of willpower. Lack of courage?

Yesterday, I read a quote from Stephen King where he said that he likes to get ten pages written a day. Ten pages! That’s so fabulous. So do-able. *I* can do ten pages in a day! Now, I admit that I have become lax in these past years, so I need to get myself reoriented and focused and start building a daily writing practice again. But ten pages a day is something I can do! When I’m on, when I’ve been practicing, I can do that! I am feeling hopeful and excited right now. And lazy because I’m not actually writing anything right now (besides this blog post, which *does* count for something, really it does!). Really, I am moving in the right direction and getting some things in place (stay tuned for announcements!). And this tidbit from Maestro King is just gloriously heartening and motivating and exciting!

Something else I read this week—a short paragraph from one of Jack Kerouac’s journals. He was making entries about how many words he wrote on different days. He did quite a lot of words, at least during the time of the excerpt I read. 4500 words on his 26^th birthday. 13000 words in five days. That averages 2600 words a day. That’s actually a do-able amount, although on some days it would be pushing it. But still, I know I’ve done that and more during NaNoWriMo, so this is also heartening news. And now that I think of it, the ten pages of Stephen King would work out to be around 3000 words. So really, these are human, do-able, achievable numbers. I just need to remind myself of that. And I need to give myself a big push and get rolling again. I don’t want to reach mid-October again and find that I’ve written almost nothing during the whole year again.