Too Tired To Be Clever

It's Sunday night.  I haven't written today.  I wrote some yesterday, but not much.  I'm exhausted, and I can't seem to get myself back up and running.

It's ROW80 check in day.  I am tired and don't even know what I want to say.  I am behind schedule for NaNoWriMo.  My story is feeling strong in the parts I've figured out, but I'm feeling a little (okay, a lot) overwhelmed and lost just now.  And so much going on--family gatherings, a beloved kitty who may not be with us much longer.  A sinus headache that I believe is now in day three million and eighty-six.  Too much going on, and I can't seem to get the space I need to get to my words.

So what's next?  Chocolate.  But after that, some journaling.  And a fresh start tomorrow.  And not giving up because even if I don't get any words today, I would need less than 2,200 words a day to hit 50K by the 30th.  And honestly, it's the settling down and getting started that is hard for me.  Getting that many words is pretty standard for the days I can actually sit myself down and write.

But for now, chocolate and a visit with my novel notebook to journal my plans.  And then I keep going because this time...this time I will make it different and I will go beyond just winning NaNoWriMo, I will finish a novel, I will get to the end of the story, and I will actually be a writer and novelist who really does the work.  I do not know right now how I'm going to make all of that happen.  I do not know the steps in the middle from where I am now to where I plan to go.  But I do know that I've spent a lifetime wanting to do it, dreaming of doing it, not doing it, and this time I will make it different and I will do this thing.