Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday--Out of My Shell



I decided this morning when I looked at Jamie's question this week--how do you wish to come out of your shell?--that I wasn't going to answer it.  I wasn't going to do Wishcasting this week.  Yep, wasn't going to take part in this one.

That seems calm, really.  In reality, I got really flustered, then I had a flurry of disclaimers flood my mind: Don't want to come out of my shell; I'm already as out of my shell as I need to be; I don't have time to really think about this one and write it up; why would I want to come out of my shell; there's really no way to come out of my shell any further than I already am.

And yet, here I am.  I knew from my strong "run away!" reaction that I needed to have a look at this.  My next clue just happened--suddenly it's 10 minutes later, and I was accidentally surfing the internet instead of writing.


Okay, about that shell.  I've been in it a long time.  I'd like to come out of it in the form of finding some friends to be really open with.  I tend to share a lot and at the same time withdraw often so that I don't end up forming really close friendships.  I have lots of friends I've known for years, but I don't have a best friend (well, my partner, but I'd like to have closer friends outside the house, you know?).  I'd like to come out of my shell and get to know people more deeply and trustfully. 

Does the "why" of being in my shell and holding myself away matter?  Yes, on some level it does.  But I'm aware of the issues (some really crazy supposed friends in my past coupled with serious fatigue and pain issues).  Now I think maybe what really needs my time and attention is the desire I have to form close, real friendships again. So that's the wish I'm putting out there.  I wish to come out of my shell of reserve and really talk to people and get to know them and let them get to know me and have some real, close friendships again.

There, that wasn't so bad, was it?  Was it?  Think I'm going to go read some other wishes now and forget about this one for just a while longer. ;)

16 comments:

gina said...

Your post is so honest and rings so true. Sometimes we just can't run away from certain issues. Maybe you're ready to do something about friendships. As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her also.

Grace said...

Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well. And I have a feeling that - once you start taking those risks again, to reach out to form friendships - you're going to be pleasantly surprised.

Amy said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog. What you wrote rings true for me too. I so want to have friends who I can confide in. My best friend is my husband, but I miss having a female as my best friend. I too am afraid to take risks to make friends, but I know that it is something that I need to work on. As you wish so I wish for you!

Kate said...

I felt the same way, wasn't going to do it but here I am.

As Kim wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.

Goddess of Yum said...

This wish feels so juicy! As Kim wishes for herself, so I wish for her also...and so it is!

Ginny said...

Kim, I think you have a truly wonderful wish. I wonder if it is harder to have close friends now that society moves so fast. Still it is important to try. Since I have retired I have been meeting some wonderful people but I still would love to have those close friends I made so easily when I was young. As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her as well.

Cindy said...

I love the integrity of your post. So open. So you. Thanks for sharing with us. I struggle with deep, personal friendships, too.

As Kim wishes for herself, so do I wish for her also!

Marilyn said...

Kim, i really relate to this post. a few bad experiences with close friends and suddenly i don't want to let anyone get close to me. that's why i'm so grateful for my virtual friends (who are as real to me as so-called IRL ones). yet there does come a time when it's time to let go of the skittishness based on bad experiences and trust again. but, boy, it's hard. i feel ya. as you wish for yourself, i wish for you also.

Biomouse said...

Oh my gosh Kim, you put your yourself out there on this one you doll! I love it and I think I've found myself all too often blustering a whole bunch of myself out to whoever is listening, and then wondering if I should have held back. I sincerely wish you stronger, deeper, truer friendships that feed your heart and soul.

GlendaM said...

As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her too.

Paula said...

Kim,
You words so succinctly stated what I just recently realized has been going on in my life. As you wish for yourself, I also wish for you.

Beverley Baird said...

Kim, this could have been mine! I can so relate. Since remarrying and moving away from a place I lived 19 years I have not gained new close friends and the old ones seem to be drifting away. It is female friends i crave - to share and unburden myself.
As Kim wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.

Googlover/keishua said...

What an honest wish. I am very similar and it is hard for me to be really close to female friends. Too many toxic relationships in the past have burned me on the idea. However, I think it is possible and it just takes time to find the right gfs. As you wish, so I wish for you.

Amy Putkonen said...

That was fun, Kim! Fun to read your inner dialogue. As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her also!

Chel said...

Kim- I could totally identify with your post because I just realized that as "open" as I really think I am, I still have this terrible fear that people will turn on me or disappoint me, so I don't let myself break down that final wall and let people *truly* in. It's SO difficult to be vulnerable and OPEN.

I wish you so much success with this.

Sally said...

Its often the 'easier' choice to choose not to participate. However the harder it is, most of the time, the more beneficial it is. So well done for doing it anyway, despite wanting to run away!

As Kim wishes for herself, I wish for her also

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