Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wishcasting Wednesday--Out of My Shell
I decided this morning when I looked at Jamie's question this week--how do you wish to come out of your shell?--that I wasn't going to answer it. I wasn't going to do Wishcasting this week. Yep, wasn't going to take part in this one.
That seems calm, really. In reality, I got really flustered, then I had a flurry of disclaimers flood my mind: Don't want to come out of my shell; I'm already as out of my shell as I need to be; I don't have time to really think about this one and write it up; why would I want to come out of my shell; there's really no way to come out of my shell any further than I already am.
And yet, here I am. I knew from my strong "run away!" reaction that I needed to have a look at this. My next clue just happened--suddenly it's 10 minutes later, and I was accidentally surfing the internet instead of writing.
Okay, about that shell. I've been in it a long time. I'd like to come out of it in the form of finding some friends to be really open with. I tend to share a lot and at the same time withdraw often so that I don't end up forming really close friendships. I have lots of friends I've known for years, but I don't have a best friend (well, my partner, but I'd like to have closer friends outside the house, you know?). I'd like to come out of my shell and get to know people more deeply and trustfully.
Does the "why" of being in my shell and holding myself away matter? Yes, on some level it does. But I'm aware of the issues (some really crazy supposed friends in my past coupled with serious fatigue and pain issues). Now I think maybe what really needs my time and attention is the desire I have to form close, real friendships again. So that's the wish I'm putting out there. I wish to come out of my shell of reserve and really talk to people and get to know them and let them get to know me and have some real, close friendships again.
There, that wasn't so bad, was it? Was it? Think I'm going to go read some other wishes now and forget about this one for just a while longer. ;)