Priorities

I get these delightful daily e-mails called "Notes from the Universe" from Totally Unique Thoughts. Today, the message was so perfectly targeted to what I have been working on lately, I am not sure it wasn’t really sent by the Universe.

My message for today:

Actually, Kim, when you think about it, everything boils down to priorities. Everything.

And that's a lot.

The Universe

Priorities. Of course. This goes right along with details and the habit of writing. This feels important. It is deepening my thoughts on exactly how I want to build my writing life. I can feel that setting my priorities, verbalizing them, writing them down, is a great way to focus myself, a great way to steer myself toward my ultimate goal of a writing career.

The overarching priority is writing, obviously. But there are other priorities, and they shift from day to day depending on what else needs to happen just then. Some days only writing will matter—those days when I have an article due or a rewrite to finish or some other writing task that needs to be done. But other days things like dishes, housecleaning, grocery shopping, a friend’s birthday party will need to happen alongside the writing.

I was about to write yet again about how difficult this balancing act is. But suddenly I'm thinking that this isn’t as big an issue as I have been making it. It’s just a matter of “pick something and do it.” And that is where I tend to fall short, the actual doing part of the equation.

I spend a lot of time being resentful that I need to cook and clean, wash dishes, vacuum the rug. I resent these tasks, so I don’t do them. But I don't do anything else either, except waste time and fret. If I were to just do these things, I could get on to the other things like writing that I generally also don’t do because I feel too guilty over not doing the "chores."

Maybe the real problem I am dealing with here is inertia! I can overcome inertia! I'll start with small activities to build the “do it” habit. I'll spend a few minutes each morning writing a list of what I’m going to accomplish that day—something more detailed than a “to do” list. Something that won’t let my mind pretend that I’ve already done a task when I really only brushed against the surface of it.

I think the key here is to be really specific about my priorities, both on the overall level and the daily level. I need to regularly set the intention to do the things I need to do to put my priorities ahead of the trivia that can so easily get in the way. And then I need to be really specific about what needs to happen each day, week, month, etc., to honor those priorities. I need to actually be writing this stuff down, at least while I’m building these writing life habits. And then I need to do the things on my list. You know, like Nike says: "Just do it!"

Running Down a Dream

Has anyone else noticed how hard it seems to be to live your dreams? I wonder if it’s always been this hard? I think it’s harder these days to pursue your passions than it was a few hundred years ago. I have this image of the world then—more wide open, more space to move out into, more room for dreaming. I’m not saying living a dream was easy then. Just maybe a little easier. And I wonder if there’s any way to make it easier today?

Since I am actively pursuing my writing dream now, this has been on my mind a lot lately. I wonder if that notion of the past being easier has any truth to it or if it is just a romanticized excuse for not trying harder?

Our world now is filled with ten hour work days, working to pay the bills, keep a roof over your head, keep the car running, buy food. How is living your dream supposed to happen in the middle of all that? How does it fit into the modern world? Living your dream requires time and focus, and there are so many things around us that eat those up when we aren’t looking. It’s so easy to let it slip away, to swear “I’ll start tomorrow.”

In part, I blame the difficulty in living a dream these days on our fast-food culture. We want everything, we want it right now, and we want it to be effortless. I have actually heard people comment that a microwave dinner that takes five minutes to cook “takes too long.” They decide on the two minute version because it’s faster. How are we supposed to sally forth and pursue our passions when we won’t even take five minutes to microwave lasagna?

I also think our modern ideas of what it means to live your dreams are skewed. I think we are too focused on making a living, and this blinds us to what it means to really live. Maybe we need to focus more on the richness of doing what we love and try to turn away from the idea that we must have three bedrooms, two baths, yearly tropical vacations and a brand new wardrobe to go with our dreams.

I know there is some way to strike a balance, to live your dreams without moving into a cardboard box under the bridge. It is possible to live your dreams; there are people out there doing it right now. But how?

What’s the answer? Oh, you wanted an answer? I have no idea, not right now. Maybe some vague inklings, but nothing concrete enough to put into words. Not yet. But I’ll keep trying to figure it out. I’ll let you know how it goes.

On Shirking Obligations

I have made a decision. I have decided that the time for writing is now. I have decided that now is when I begin to build the writing life I have dreamed of.

I know. Good for me, but you can’t do this. You have obligations. You have reasons you cannot write right now. And if you believe you have things that keep you from being able to write, you are correct. You do. I can't fault you for that. I had things for years that kept me from being able to do more than scribble parts of stories and lists of story ideas.

But then I realized, just recently, that I only thought I had things keeping me from writing. I discovered that they weren’t actually there. They were figments of my imagination, phantoms born of my fears. And I turned away from them, and I saw that now is the time to write.

And someday—really, it will happen; don’t worry—the time will be right for you to turn away from your stumbling blocks and begin to write.

How do I know? Been there, done that. You’re thinking, “What does she know? She doesn’t know my life.” True. But I know about stumbling blocks. I know about writing. And I know a lot about not writing. And lately I’m starting to learn a lot about priorities.

What’s important to you? I always say “writing” and “stories." When I finally, really looked at my answers, I had to ask myself some hard questions. What am I filling my life with? Am I giving top priority to the things I love? If I die tomorrow, will anyone be able to say that I followed my passions? I want good answers to these questions. I do not want someone to write “she always did the dishes” on my tombstone!

Yes, dishes are important. I’m trying to learn that and balance it with my dreams. My beloved and I are creative people. We love to make things. We do not love to clean things or put things away. Right now, I’m living in a disaster area, and it does negatively affect my outlook and sometimes my output. So I’m not saying keeping house isn’t important. It’s just not that important.

If you go home and work at chores for several hours, cooking and cleaning and laundering and so on, and you don’t get any writing done, and this happens day after day…It’s time to take a step back. Ask yourself how important those dishes really are. Anyone can do the dishes. No one else can write or create what you can.

Make yourself a deal. Pursue your passions first, but set yourself a time limit. Get home, eat something, work on your dreams. Then, give yourself 15 minutes or 30 minutes or an hour, whatever you need, and take that time for the housework. Give yourself a longer time for this once or twice a week to make sure things get/stay in good shape. But do not make busy work, even useful busy work, your priority. Your passions must be your priority. You must get those creative dreams out into the world. Because no one else can do what you can do, and no one else can give us the things your dreams can build.