Wishcasting for the New Year

We've wrapped up ROW80 for a bit, but I'll mention my writing briefly.  I'm working on my outline, and based on what I'm seeing that needs adding and filling out, I'm going to make my new goal to finish the first draft and get it to first readers during the next ROW80 round which starts January 2.

And now on to Wishcasting.  This week Jamie asks, "What is your wish for the new year?"  I'm going to keep this one short and simple, and on the 31st I'm going to write it down and pin it up in my room where I will see it every day of the coming year.

I wish for the confidence and faith and energy and focus and drive I need to keep going, keep reaching toward my dreams and goals and desires even when the going is tough, things look hopeless, and the end is no where in sight.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Immersion Therapy

Today, Jamie asks us, "What do you wish to immerse yourself in?"

Mmmm...doesn't the word "immerse" just make you instantly feel like you're sinking in and being engulfed and surrounded and held so splendidly?  That's how it makes me feel.  It's a beautiful, welcoming word to me.

So what do I wish?  I want to immerse myself in my story.  Sink into that world, those streets, those lives--those places they go and the views they see and the air they breathe.  I want to sink into my story world and let it take me over as much as I can and push everything else aside so I can live there and follow my people and see what is happening next.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Guidance

I have been absent from Wishcasting the past few weeks because I'm busy, busy, over-busy!  I was going to skip this week, too, because I have three million things to do today. But Jamie's question really stirred an answer in me, so I'm going to write it down really quickly.

CC image courtesy of geebee2007 on Flickr

 The question this week is, "What guidance do you wish for?"  And I have a silly answer that I'm serious about.  I want guidance for how to write my novel.  Really write it from start to finish, not with big gaps in the middle, not leaving it dangling partway through. I want to know what to do first, and then next, and then next after that so I don't get so overwhelmed with how big the task is and just give up on the whole thing.  That's what I want guidance for.

I am hoping for some time to get to read everyone's wishes.  Until then, know that with all my heart I am wishing for you what you are wishing for yourself.

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Morning Pages Reboot

Yes, I have fallen away from my morning pages.  Again.  For a few weeks, I fell away from pretty much everything except the daily necessities--work, food, exercise, sleep.  Last week I was in Chicago for eight days visiting my mother in the nursing home.  She's doing great and will be going home next Friday after a bit more physical therapy, but getting ready for the trip when I didn't know if she was going to be okay, plus the travel itself, plus a death in the family here at home while I was gone left me completely frazzled.

But today is a new day.  And the start of a new month.  And like a brilliant fairy godmother, Jamie Ridler sailed in with a morning pages group check-in for September.  How perfect is that timing?

So I'm in.  I'm stepping back into my daily pages (because I still don't do well when I try to do them in the morning).  I'm stepping back into reading The Artist's Way.  I'm stepping back into my novel.  I'm stepping back into my life and taking it forward again. There's a lot to do, many tasks involved in setting myself back on my path and moving ahead, but as I always do I will start with the words and go from there.  Thank you, Jamie, for this perfect idea at the perfect time!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Set Limits

It's kind of funny that today's Wishcasting Wednesday question from Jamie Ridler is "What limits to you wish to set?" I haven't done Wishcasting Wednesday for the past couple of weeks because I was really run down and really busy, and I just had to set some limits on how much I was trying to cram into my days.

Actually, over the past several years I've gotten pretty good at setting limits.  I limit what I say "yes" to so that I'm not giving all of my time to things people ask of me with none left over for myself.  I limit things that will make me overly tired and cause health problems because I've been dealing with some fatigue and pain issues for a few years.  I have learned to set limits, but now I think I might need to learn to make sure I'm not trapping myself inside those limits.

But there is one thing I still need to set limits on. I'm getting better about it, but it still needs work.  I want to set limits on the time I spend on the internet.  I spend too much time roaming about aimlessly.  I look something up and start following links and the next thing you know it's three hours later!  I need the internet for communication and community and for my class work and my coaching business.  But I need to figure out a way to not get sucked in and give too much of my time to the glowing box.  Not entirely sure how this needs to look, but there's the wish.  That's usually a good place to get things like this started.


I'm a little late on this today, so if I don't get to everyone's posts--As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Express Yourself!

Today for Wishcasting Wednesday, the Question Queen Jamie Ridler asks, "What aspect of your personality do you wish to express more of?"

That's easy!  The freewheeling, bohemian, wild side who doesn't worry what anyone else thinks and wears the purple scarf with the green dress; dances barefoot in the rain on the beach; writes the books she wants to read; turns down the big paying job for something she enjoys; speaks her mind and speaks her truth.  That's the me I want to share with the world.

Life has been busy and full the past few weeks--I didn't even have time to wish last week or the week before! I'm going to try really hard to get around to everyone's blogs later tonight if I get home in time and don't collapse in a tired heap.  But until then, know that I am wishing wholeheartedly with all of you!

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Enjoy!

I know this one!  Have the answer without even having to think about it.  How to bring it about... That's a different story.

This week for Wishcasting Wednesday, Jamie Ridler asks us "What do you wish to enjoy?"

Down time.  Relaxation time.  Time to unwind, breathe, put my feet up and let my body and mind recharge.  I have lost the ability, and I really need it back.

I multi-task even when I don't mean to.  I sit at my desk at work when my actual work is done and all I have left to do is wait for the phone to ring.  I decide I'm going to read.  But that computer in front of me pulls me in, pulls me to check e-mails, look at Facebook, research something I think of as I'm browsing.  And then it's two hours later, and I am not at all refreshed or relaxed.  I have a hard time stepping away from the internet and the iPod and the things that keep my brain busy, distracted and occupied but not actually getting anything from them.  So I wish to enjoy time reading, embroidering, breathing, relaxing, unplugging and recharging.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Feeding Your Hunger

This is going to be a quickie because I'm swamped with fun and exciting life right now.  But I missed last week so didn't want to miss this week, too.

For this week's Wishcasting Wednesday, Jamie asks, "What hunger do you wish to feed?"

The hunger for meaning in my life.  For truly belonging somewhere, for truly stepping into and living my life and my work.  I hunger for my days to be filled with things that feel weighty and significant and worth doing instead of this boredom and lethargy and busy work they are filled with now.

That's it, my dear Wishcasting friends.  I will try to make it around to blogs this week as I can.  Meanwhile, I send this out to you:

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Yes!

Getting a late start today after an extremely frustrating morning and early afternoon.  Finally had a chance to hop over to the Jamie Ridler Studios website for Wishcasting Wednesday, and I found this question: What do you wish to say yes to?

Yes!  I am saying yes to just doing it!  Moving forward, trying things even if I'm not sure I know how to do them or fear that I don't have the experience to make it work.  I say yes to you, life! I am living, not waiting! I say yes to experiencing things even when they make me nervous!  I say yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Wishcasting Wednesday--New Year Wish

It's the last Wishcasting Wednesday of the year, and Jamie asks us, "What do you wish for the New Year?"

 

As always, I'm a little sad and a little excited that this year is ending.  And, as always, I can't help looking forward, making plans, thinking about what I want to do differently, what I want to have in my life, how I want things to be this time next year.

What do I wish for the new year?  That I find the inner resources to both see what I really need to do for myself throughout the year and to do those things to take care of myself and let myself soar.

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I'm going to go ahead and put today's Reverb 10 here because it really fits with Wishcasting.

Defining Moment Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. (Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)

Wishcasting Wednesday has tremendously affected my life this year.  I've learned to regularly look inside myself and find out what I think and feel and need.  I've learned to actually look closely at those things and express them rather than letting them slip by half-noticed and unformed.  And I've met a wonderful community of wishers who boost each other up, encourage each other, and help each other's wishes soar.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Winter Wish

I'll put my Reverb 10 response at the end here, just in case you were wondering.

But first, Wishcasting Wednesday.  This week, Jamie asks, "What is your winter wish?"

I wish I had time to write a poem!  That's not my actual wish, but reading this I have misty visions in my head of swirling snowfall, candles, white drifts crunching underfoot, the whole world hushed as the snow swaddles everything in its insulating layers.

I don't quite have time for a poem, though.  So on to wishing.  I wish for peaceful, quiet times to sit wrapped in cozy blankets with a book and candles lit nearby, a cup of tea at hand and sleeping cats to keep me warm.  I wish for regular times of rest and rejuvenation like this and not only when I'm in desperate need and force it to happen.  That is my winter wish.

Reverb 10: How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

The only traveling I did this year was six days back home to Chicago.  We went by plane, which is normal and sensible.  But someday I'd like to have more time for a trip so we could go by train and see the land we're passing through.

Next year, I want to travel more on weekends.  We used to do more weekend outings, but full time jobs, health issues, day-to-day life have made us tired and lethargic, and we don't plan those trips any more. (There were some car troubles in there, too, which didn't help at all.) But this coming year, I want trips to the coast even if only for the day. I want weekends away just for fun and not only when we're going to an SCA event. 

Full Cold Moon Dreamboard

Happy Solstice!  And happy full moon!  I don't do this every month, but this full moon is a little special (Jamie at Jamie Ridler Studios says: "Here we are, sharing our dreams under the last full moon in 2010 – and it is a powerful one! Not only is it the Full Cold Moon today, but it’s also the winter solstice and a lunar eclipse!").  So here's my full moon dreamboard--digital collage this time because it's kind of fun to play this way now and then, although I do sort of miss my glue.

Reverb 10--December 1-8

I completely missed out on hearing about this really cool, yearly web event: Reverb 10.  "Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what's next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both." (That's from the website.)

I'm going to do a catch up post for the week I missed and then keep on with this through December because I love the idea and can see how focusing on this as this year rolls into next can really help me put energy behind my wishes for myself and my life.

December 1--One Word
     My one word for 2010 would have to be "fitful."  I've done a lot this year, met wonderful, creative people online that I am feeling more connected to all the time.  But there have been great periods of dormancy when I've been frozen by lethargy, self-doubt, depression, general inertia.  "Fitful" seems like a perfect description of my forward motion this year.

December 2--Writing
     "What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)"  I procrastinate, I play around online, I forget why I want to write and sometimes even that I do want to write, I actively avoid it, I tell myself mean things that make me feel it isn't worth the time.  Yes, I can eliminate a lot of this.  It's going to take a lot of work, but most of all it's going to take paying attention to the things I'm doing that keep me from my words.  But I can do it.

December 3--Moment
     This one makes me feel really sad and kind of like I want to give up on this venture.  I can't think of a moment when I felt most alive, not just from this year but in I don't know how long.  I really don't know, don't have an answer for this, and that is heartbreaking.

December 4--Wonder
     I cultivated wonder in my life this year by learning lots of new things, trying new things, and looking for it all around me.  I started a new business, learned how to build a WordPress website, started my first newsletter, joined in on many creative online groups and discussions, started playing with my camera more again to look more closely at the world around me, remembered to watch the moon and the stars the way I used to, watched the birds in my yard every day.

December 5--Let Go
     Have I let go of anyone or anything this year?  I did let go of some duties I had taken on in the SCA because they were taking too much time and effort and wearing at me when my heart had been pulled elsewhere.  I let go of spending my time and energy on things that no longer held much meaning for me.

December 6--Make
     What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)"  The last thing I made was this great new recipe for a Swiss potato dish called a rosti.  That was on Monday.  On the weekend, I made background pages in my art journal.  I make a lot of things throughout the year.  Is there something I need to clear some time for? Regular art journaling, although that's not specifically one thing.  Is there one thing?  Yes!  I know.  I want to make curtains for my bathroom and my studio--I really want them and keep not doing it.  So that's the one thing I want to make next.

December 7--Community
     "Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)"  This has been a really big word for me this year.  I had to really acknowledge that I'm lonely and really want and need more friends.  But in creating my new business, I have started connecting with people online, and I'm starting to feel that I'm becoming part of a community of creatives and writers.  One of the biggest ways this is happening is through Twitter, which still seems so odd to me. But in May I took a short workshop on using social media, learned about how to use Twitter effectively, and there you have it.  I've also connected with several people through Wishcasting on Jamie Ridler's website.  Took a wonderful class with Kelly Rae Roberts and connected with many fabulous artists there and on Facebook afterward. And I've connected with a great group of writers, most local to me, through NaNoWriMo this year.
     For 2011, I want to connect more with other writers.  I'm building a community for us online, and I hope it will bring many of us together for companionship and support and more writing.  I am also creating a community of women who want to change their bodies and physical selves while also feeling better about ourselves and learning to love and accept ourselves. 

December 8--Beautifully Different
     What makes me different that lights people up?  I guess I found out during NaNo that my ability to be a cheerleader of sorts is really appealing to people because I encourage and occasionally gently prod without being overly chipper or perky or annoying.  And I really like that about myself, so I think that might be a beautifully different thing about me.  What else is different about me?  I don't know for sure.  I feel fairly ordinary, but at the same time I know I'm not.  I'm still learning about the differences of me and learning to embrace them.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Transforming

This week, Jamie's question for Wishcasting Wednesday is "What do you wish to transform?"  This one is easy!  At least on some levels.  My answer is simple, or at least short, but there's so much complexity underneath.  For now, I'll just make the wish and delve into the underlayers a bit at a time, like peeling an onion.

I wish to transform my physical self--my body, my energy, my physical surroundings.  I am living in places that are very uncomfortable, and this keeps me from doing what I want to do.  My body is overly heavy, sluggish, has too much pain, too little energy.  I want to change that.  My house is cluttered, messy, unattractive, makes me tired and depressed just looking around at it.  I want to change that. 

Where to start?  How to start?  How to get enough energy to do anything that might lead to a better physical existence including more energy?  I don't know those answers yet, but making the wish, that's my beginning.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Shedding

I wasn't going to do a post this week.  I'm really busy--and too much of it is because as usual I've let myself get way behind on things.  And now I'm overwhelmed.  But I think things might go better if I give myself this bit of a respite from crazy, a little time to think and write and read.  So.  Jamie asks, "What do you wish to shed?"

Everything.  All of me until I'm stripped down bare bones burning flame of creative force waiting and ready to rebuild my life and myself the way I want them to be.

That's not quite exactly a real answer, though.  I want to shed the things that hold me back and keep me only half in my world and my life--procrastination, fear, uncertainty, lethargy, inertia, excess weight, headaches, allergies, clutter and mess.

Yeah, that's about it.

I will try to get around and read and comment, but I may not get to everyone.  Or anyone.  I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo, working to get my newsletter out, working on the final touches for the NaNoWriMo kickoff party, and working on a newsletter for my SCA Embellishers' Guild.  Oh yeah, and this weekend I need to finish my painting for the Portland Audubon's Wild Arts Festival.  So yeah.  A little overwhelmed.  So, if I don't get around to each of you, please know I'm thinking of you and wishing with you.

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Flying Free

Back to the comfort of my Wednesday routine. I missed this last week!  I was on vacation visiting family, and I just couldn't fit it in, but I thought about all of my Wishcasting buddies and wished you all well.

This week, Jamie asks, "What do you wish to fly free from?"  Not only a great question, but capped off with lovely alliteration, too!  I'm a sucker for alliteration, what can I tell you?

I want to fly free of my fears--fears of always being stuck where I am, of not being able to do the things I want--not being good enough, smart enough, talented enough.  Fears of failing, of not knowing how to do "it" right, whatever it is.  I want to fly free of all the fears that keep me stuck, keep me from even getting started because I'm afraid I won't succeed.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Stepping In

I really need to get back to blogging more than just on Wednesdays! Meanwhile, though, it's Wednesday again, and Jamie has asked us a really good question (I know I always say that--she asks really good questions!)--What do you wish to step into?

I wish to step into a place of calm, awake, energized enthusiasm.  I want to wake up looking forward to my days and move forward on my list of things I want to do without procrastinating and stressing myself out because I'm late.

I also wish to step fully into being a writer.  To that end, I've put up a word count bar over there on the side. This one is for Ordinary Girl, and I know I won't be getting back to that story until the first of the year after NaNoWriMo is over and this year's NaNo story is put to rest, but I'm putting it up now to give me a solid, visual reminder and affirmation that I am a writer.

**Please know that as you all wish, so I wish for you as well!  I'm on a tight deadline, so it will probably take me a couple of days to visit all of your blogs, so I just wanted you to know I'm wishing right there with you even before I comment.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Abundance

This week, the wonderful Jamie Ridler asks us "What do you wish for an abundance of?"

It's Fall. Or just a few hours away from it officially.  It's a wonderful time to be thinking of abundance.  This time of year, I usually think of the harvest, looking back at the things I've reaped over the past year. And I think ahead, think of seeds I want to plant for the coming year.  But I don't really sit with the vision of the abundance of the season and call that into myself.  But it is a gorgeous, sumptuous, abundant time of year, and I want to sink into it and fill myself with it now.

I wish for an abundance of focused energy.  I want to accomplish many things, but I get so tired. And when I do have some energy, I have trouble figuring out what I want and need to be working on.  I think some focused energy would really help with that.

Oh, and if I can have two wishes, then I would also like to wish for an abundance of sparkly paints and inks and pens.  Because I noticed that I have some gaps in my collection, and I'd like to fill those in. ;)

Happy Autumn to everyone!  May the abundance of the season make all your wishes come true!

I Am!

If you've been here before, you know I'm a huge fan of Jamie Ridler.  Heck, if you're reading this, there's a good chance we found each other through her Wishcasting Wednesdays.  She's always finding ways to encourage us to stretch and grow and deepen and nurture ourselves.  She's awesome!  And do you know what she made for us today?  Badges! Complete with an invitation to call ourselves writers and artists and dancers and any other creative thing we are.  So I'm taking her up on that invitation.

I am creative.  I know this one, but it's still good to put it out there and say it out loud, I think.  I write and paint and take pictures and cook and make art journals and do embroidery...Yep, I can claim creative very comfortably.

Writer.  The one that is nearest and dearest to my heart and has been for the longest time.  Since middle school at least, when I wrote down my first story (I had been a verbal storyteller long before that), made a little book out of it, and even won a prize.  I am a writer.  I am not published, and I don't write as regularly as I would like to.  All of that clashes together inside me and makes me really uncomfortable and sad.  But you know what?  If I wasn't a writer, this wouldn't even be on my mind at all.  The rough spots, spells of not writing, all of that are actually the proof that I'm a writer.

Am I?  I think I might be, although I'm shy of saying so.  Part of me says, "No, no!  I'm the writer and the teacher.  I'm not the artist!"  Last week, I went to the art supply store to sign out a canvas for a charity event I'm making a piece for.  I was so nervous, as if I somehow thought they would say to me, "You?! You can't have a canvas.  You're not an artist.  Go home, leave this place and never return!" Or something equally dramatic and ridiculous.  But you know what?  They gave me a canvas and told me to have fun. They didn't question me.  I question me.  But I made this:

And this:

I think I am an artist after all (and I like birds!).

This one I wasn't sure about including.  I don't have any plans or desire to be a photographer for anything but my personal enjoyment and to show pictures of things I've made.  But I don't remember a time when I didn't have some sort of camera that was my own--had little Instamatics from when I was a little girl--and I love taking pictures and playing with light and angles and things like that.  And when I see something really interesting, my first thought is usually, "I'd love to get a picture of that!"  So yes, I am a photographer.

This one was the hardest by far because I'm not a dancer on a lot of levels.  I don't go out dancing, I haven't taken dance classes since college (except bellydance), I've never danced on stage, in a play, anything like that.  But I love it.  Some part of me has always been irresistibly drawn to the stretching and floor work, the isolations and foot positions, the steps and swaying.  I love it.  And when I get frustrated with my body and can't figure out what to do with myself, my heart always tells me, "Dance!"  I think about dancing all the time, I often do dance stretches to help loosen me up for other exercise.  I love dance, and I do little bits of it in my life, and even more in my mind and heart.  So I'm going to claim this one even though I feel a little bit as if I don't have a right to it.  I am a dancer.

I am claiming all five of these, and I'm going to use this as a springboard to dive into all of them more fully and deeply and really bring them, and the joy they carry with them, into my life.  Thank you, Jamie!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Out of My Shell

I decided this morning when I looked at Jamie's question this week--how do you wish to come out of your shell?--that I wasn't going to answer it.  I wasn't going to do Wishcasting this week.  Yep, wasn't going to take part in this one.

That seems calm, really.  In reality, I got really flustered, then I had a flurry of disclaimers flood my mind: Don't want to come out of my shell; I'm already as out of my shell as I need to be; I don't have time to really think about this one and write it up; why would I want to come out of my shell; there's really no way to come out of my shell any further than I already am.

And yet, here I am.  I knew from my strong "run away!" reaction that I needed to have a look at this.  My next clue just happened--suddenly it's 10 minutes later, and I was accidentally surfing the internet instead of writing.

Okay, about that shell.  I've been in it a long time.  I'd like to come out of it in the form of finding some friends to be really open with.  I tend to share a lot and at the same time withdraw often so that I don't end up forming really close friendships.  I have lots of friends I've known for years, but I don't have a best friend (well, my partner, but I'd like to have closer friends outside the house, you know?).  I'd like to come out of my shell and get to know people more deeply and trustfully. 

Does the "why" of being in my shell and holding myself away matter?  Yes, on some level it does.  But I'm aware of the issues (some really crazy supposed friends in my past coupled with serious fatigue and pain issues).  Now I think maybe what really needs my time and attention is the desire I have to form close, real friendships again. So that's the wish I'm putting out there.  I wish to come out of my shell of reserve and really talk to people and get to know them and let them get to know me and have some real, close friendships again.

There, that wasn't so bad, was it?  Was it?  Think I'm going to go read some other wishes now and forget about this one for just a while longer. ;)