Whirlwind

Wow.  This round of ROW80 has gone by so quickly!  I can't believe this is the final check-in, but here it is.

These were my goals at the beginning of the round:

• Write* at least 15 minutes each weekday; weekends are optional
• Participate in the ROW80 Twitter discussions and use bookending techniques there to help me stay on task
• Read and comment on blogs each check-in, even if I only have time for one or two.

The writing part of this morphed, especially after I started doing 52 Stories. I have been getting writing done every week, so that's good, but I never hit the consistency I was looking for.  I'm still not sure what a good rhythm is for me.   But I'm writing!  So I'm happy.

I really bombed on participating in discussions and commenting on blogs.  I've had so much going on* since the beginning of the year, and I just didn't have the focus I needed to do this.  I also found that the bookending didn't do anything for me, so I stopped doing that, but that was a conscious decision so I don't consider that a negative at all.

*The quick summary  of "so much going on" is that I've been writing--at the end of this round I have six short story rough drafts posted (working on this week's now, but it isn't ready yet so can't be counted in this round).  I also finished my Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coaching (TM) class and am working on the final bits for my certification.  I've created and planned my first teleclass, Midsummer's Muse, which I'll be presenting tomorrow night (it's free, and you're all invited to sign up if you want to come play!).  I've been working on the planning for the Time Travelers' Ball and Exposition.  I've been participating in Lisa Sonora Beam's Creative + Practice and Liz Lamoreux's Inner Excavate-along.  It's been really busy around here since February, so I understand why I had trouble keeping up with checking blogs and such.  But I really hope to do better next round.

Stay tuned for this week's story to get posted either tomorrow or Friday (probably Friday).  Thanks so much for all the support!  See you all next round.

Crashing Waves

My ROW80 check-in.  Not much to report again...

The past two weeks have been too hectic, and I am feeling swamped.  I'm going under! 

Okay, it's not quite that drastic, at least not anymore.  Finally, today, I feel like things have slowed down, but I still have things to do yet I am feeling wrung out and exhausted.  Last week was crazy, so my 52 Stories piece got pushed to the weekend, and the weekend was busy, and now I'm not finished with this week's story... And then the (finally resolved) e-mail fiasco that took two full days to straighten out. Eek!  I need to breathe! 

I have to remind myself--balance is an activity.  It is something you do.  So there will be swings from one direction to the other, and sometimes they are big swings and take me too far into chaos or stagnation.  But I always get to move out of those places and back toward that center.  Now, today, is a day for me to do some of that.  Some breathing.  Some playing.  Some setting things aside for later, when I have a bit more focus and clarity for them.  They will be better and things will go more smoothly if I take this time.

I actually do have a story started for this week.  It's one I started at the beginning of my 52 Stories journey, and I am finally feeling like working on it.  I think I know what to do with it.  We'll see.  I may work on that later, but there's a good chance I won't touch it until tomorrow.

Today, I need something a little more introspective and meditative.  This is what I want to work on today:

• Reading and taking a photo for the Inner Excavate-along
• Reading and maybe adding some journal images for Creative + Practice
• Putting gesso on the pages of the travel journal I made for my vacation next month

I think I will also drink some tea and watch NCIS reruns while I work.  Because for some reason, NCIS in the background relaxes me and makes me feel like I'm safe with friends--it's like comfort food for my brain!

That's my check-in and my plan.  I think I'm going to go work on those journal pages right now.

In Briefs

Or in brief.  Whichever you prefer.  I'm very tired today, so there's no promise that I'm actually going to be sensible.  But I didn't want to miss my ROW80 check-in, so here I am.

My real check-in was in a post I wrote yesterday.  I had a lot to say, so I wrote it all down then.  I had some big aha! moments this past week, and I had to get it all down.  Basically, this is what I learned this week:

1. I can write even when life is rough and I'm unmotivated and resistant.
2. Practice is built from perseverance, not perfection and sticking exactly to a schedule.
3. I am a writer, and I don't work well in the early morning; I work best in the afternoon and early evening.

A major accomplishment this week: even though it was a rough week, and even though it was later than I normally like, I finished my short story and got it posted.  This is huge, because in the past a week like this one (nothing big happened, but there were a lot of smaller bumps and thumps in the road) would have made me quit.  This week, I was slow, and I struggled, but I still got it done!

A few links to things I'm participating in right now or getting ready to jump in on.  These are what led me to my breakthroughs this week:

• Jeff Goins' 15 Habits of Great Writers 
• Lisa Sonora Beam's Creative + Practice
• Liz Lamoreux's Inner Excavate-along

This week, I will check in on more than two blogs (which seems to be where I've stalled out over the last several check-ins).  And I will get another story done.  Because I am a writer, and that's what I do.

Stumbling Along

It's Sunday, so time for a ROW80 check-in, but I don't have anything to report.  These past few days have been full and at the same time sort of blank.  Empty pages waiting to be filled.

I got so much done over the past few days, but none of it was ROW80 related.  I've written my newsletter, and created the sign-in and basic info pages for my first free teleconference, Midsummer's Muse.  I met with a friend I haven't seen in eight months, bought clothes and shoes for my vacation next month, did a lot of reading from The Right Brain Business Plan.  Oh yeah, and signed up to participate in Liz Lamoureux's Inner Excavate-along because I keep wanting to delve into her beautiful book, Inner Excavation, and haven't yet managed to give myself the time and space.

I've been doing a lot, and I let my writing slide.  But I'm not feeling bad about it.  I am missing my story, though, so I think tomorrow is going to be a big writing day for me.  And some homework, too, of course, but definitely a writing day. 

Lessons

Wednesday!  That's ROW80 check-in day (one of them) for those of you keeping score.  And it's the day I post my 52 Stories piece each week (or at least the day I aim for).

This week's story has been filled with lessons.  Lessons about getting stuck, writing myself into a corner, and pushing on to an ending even though I know there's a lot of stuff in the middle that doesn't hold up to scrutiny.

This is really good stuff!  This is where I so often quit writing, so I never give myself the chance to finish up and then go back and edit and fix the problems.  Weird as it may sound, I hope this happens again so I can really build a habit of just finishing without worrying about the details in the first draft.  The fixing and polishing are supposed to come later. I know that, but I can never seem to live by that.  This might be helping me learn it for real!

It seems a little weird, this lack of self-consciousness and anxiety about posting this story.  This story, that just came to me yesterday, that was written down willy nilly with no idea what was happening in the middle.  Is it because of all it's flaws that I can be so unworried about posting it?  I don't know.  I like this feeling of doing the work without the anxiety, though.  This is how I want to feel about my writing--curious, happy, experimental (is that a feeling?). I like it.  This is what I will aim for.

I will also aim for checking in on some blogs!  I didn't get to any since Sunday for various reasons, and that part of the ROW80 challenge is really important, so I don't like slacking on it.

Before I get to this week's story, I have a little announcement.  I think I've mentioned that I'm training to be a Kaizen-Muse (TM) Creativity Coach.  For the final part of my training, to get my certification, I need to find one person to be my client for a month.  If you have creative dreams you're struggling with, this is your chance to get some help with it.  You'll get four free coaching sessions with me; I'm already fully trained and just need to do these sessions with someone (and the paperwork that goes with them, of course!) for my certification.  So who wants some coaching?  If you're interested, leave me a comment or head over to my website and use the contact form there.

Now, about that story...

Week 4:  Sleeping Your Life Away

Just Passing Through

It's time for a ROW80 check-in.  I haven't done a lot of writing since Wednesday, although I've been doing a lot of in-my-head planning for this week's story, but I still feel like I have a lot to say. 

It's been a very busy few days--homework, food shopping and cooking for a family gathering today, and then a day filled with pulling out old carpet and padding and laying down a new floor in my partner's mother's kitchen.  The family went in on this together and did this for her for her birthday, and she was so excited!  It was a fabulous thing to get to do for someone.  Lot's of work, and we're all pretty wiped out, but it's so great to know we did this.  Very satisfying work.

Anyhow, that writing thing.  I'm feeling like I'm starting to see something deeper in this 52 Stories challenge.  I am feeling like a writer again, my head full of story most of the time and words appearing regularly on the page.  And that feels incredible and was the purpose of starting this challenge.  But I am starting to see something more here, something akin to a spiritual practice.  I can feel the work taking me past my ego into the now of writing.  I can feel this leading me to learn so much about myself and my process.  There is so much good happening here even when it is worrisome and stressful.  This is going to be quite a trip.

Right now, though, I'm going to trip into bed.  It seems manual labor is tiring!  See you all later.

It's Electric!

ROW80 check-in: This week has been angsty for me.  I don't know why.  I've been uncomfortable, on edge, unfocused, and twitchy.  For no reason that I can pinpoint, and that is frustrating, because if I don't know what this is about, how can I fix it?

I know some things are weighing on me.  Maybe my edgy, prickly uneasiness is just a pile-up of lots of random things going on at once.  Who knows.

I am having trouble--again--finishing my story for this week.  I am worried that I've taken on too much with this 52 Stories challenge.  I am tempted to back out, to change to something easier.  A story a month, which is something a friend of mine did last year.

What am I going to do if I don't finish a story one week?  It will probably happen.  Do I put up the partially finished story and finish it out later?  Does that count as a failure even though I did write something?  How am I keeping score for myself with this?

I know one thing.  I am writing and enjoying it.  I love having a story going.  But I also love working on different things, I love the switch each week.  I am not yet willing to let go of this challenge.  It's only the third week.  I haven't been doing it long enough to break through my barriers of resistance and fear and overwhelm and unconfidence (it's a new word, do you like it? goes with "angsty" up above).

This week, I think my story will get posted tomorrow.  Too many random things came up in the past few days.  Coupled with my general anxiety at the moment, I need to give myself a day. So, there it is.  There's a day.

Later: Apparently giving myself a day caused me to sit down and finish that story.  My brain is funny like that.  This story was interesting because it came from a poem I've heard at least a couple hundred times, especially the line "the woods are lovely, dark, and deep."   (Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.")  The other day, someone passed around a picture online with that quote, and the basics of this story popped into my head.

I don't feel like this story is one I'm going to flesh out.  I kind of rushed the ending, too, but I got it down enough.  This one was just one I wanted to get out.  I think this story-a-week thing is teaching me how to bypass my ego and just focus on the words.  I think I might like this, even when it's hard.  I just need to remind myself not to get caught up in the fear and overwhelm.

Anyhow, here's the story, which was really kind of fun to play with.  Not as fun as the one I have in mind for next week, though, so stay tuned!

Week 3: The Woods are Lovely

Rolling Along

Time for the Sunday ROW80 check-in.  And I have lots to report--it's kind of exciting.

Since Wednesday:

• Read and commented on several ROW80 compatriots' blogs
• Wrote an outline/synopsis of my 52 Stories piece for next week
• Wrote the opening scene to this week's story
• Did quite a bit of journaling and a couple of blog posts
• Started writing the info pages for two upcoming projects for my coaching business

I'm feeling quite satisfied with this list.  I'm feeling like I got a lot done, and I don't feel overwhelmed or like this pace will be hard to keep up.  I proclaim this week a success!  On to the next one.

Down by the Lazy River

Another lazy couple of days.  It's time for a ROW80 check-in, and I'm nearly too lethargic to type.

I did check in on several of my ROW80 friends' blogs this time around.  I've been writing a bit, some story work but also on some class work, so I'm not as far along on this week's 52 Stories piece as I thought I'd be.

Not a terrible week, but rather unfocused.  Some of that is probably because the temperature shot up over the past couple of days.  Sudden temperature shifts always seem to leave me a little fuzzy.  I also got a new Samsung tablet, and I've been spending a little too much time fiddling with it, setting up apps and things, so pretty much everything else this week has gotten short shrift.

Tonight I will spend some quality time with my story notebook, and I will make a point to do the same tomorrow and Tuesday so I'm not frantically trying to finish a story on Wednesday.

See you at the next check-in!

Oh Boy

Here's my ROW80 check-in.  And I'm linking to my first story for 52 Stories.  Gulp.

This is my brain on putting my worst, first draft work out in public

I don't have anything else to report.  I was totally freaked out and frozen with fear about putting my work out there.  I struggled with this for several days, and it turned into a huge battle this afternoon when I though about backing out of this, but here I am.

This is the first time in over five years that I'm letting anyone read what I've written, and I've chosen to put it out there for the whole world to see.  It's the first time in longer than that since I've finished a story, even a rough draft. I think that's enough of a check-in for this week.  I'm going to go collapse now.  See you Sunday!

Please note:
Because these are first drafts and therefore not meant to be good yet, and because I am working on building my confidence, I have turned off comments on my 52 Stories page.  The stories will be in PDF format, so there won't be any place for comments there.  I am not at the point in my writing life or with these stories where critique would be welcome or useful, so that's why there are no comment spaces.

Week 1:  This Means War

Lazy Days

My ROW80 check-in for today: Not much going on.  And I'm okay with that. 

The past couple of weeks have been especially busy, and I'm still getting over the sinus infection I had, plus this weekend we had a medieval faire to attend.  So some downtime was sorely needed, so today was all about the lounging.

Still, I've done some writing.  I have a story started for 52 Stories. Actually I have two, with a couple of other ideas in the sidelines waiting their turns.  I'll be posting my stories on Wednesdays since I started this craziness on a Wednesday, so you'll have to wait a couple more days for actual story.

I didn't do much on Twitter, but I did some so that goal is okay.  I did a couple of blog check-ins, but I would have liked to do more.  I may have to make myself some sort of calendar reminder about that.

That's really all I have to report right now.  I want to go do a little work on my story before bed to see if I can get some more of those fun dream ideas I've been having lately. 

See you Wednesday.

Back in Black

Oh.  I think that's supposed to be "back on track."  I just love song lyric post titles, though!  I'm wearing black pants.  Does that count?

This past week, I've been feeling a lot like a spinning record (sinusitis and a plugged ear from said affliction).  It doesn't help that as I'm writing this Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round" is playing.  The lightheaded, fluffy feeling and bouts of dizziness (much decreased and less frequent, thank you) seem to be skewing my perceptions of the world right now.

This is supposed to be about writing, though, and my ROW80 check-in.  Sunday I was still too sick to look at the computer long enough to write a post.  Plus, my brain wasn't doing well with stringing thoughts together let alone writing them down.  So...

I haven't done a lot of writing.  A couple of days worth on the novel.  A little time on Sunday with a notebook writing down an idea for a piece of flash fiction.  And then a newsletter.  And then some of my ROW80 compatriots told me about this thing some people are doing, writing a story a week for a year.  It's called 52 Stories, and it sent a thrill of excitement up my spine.  Seriously.

You see, I started with short stories.  First as a storyteller, making up stories in the lunch line as a small schoolgirl to keep myself and my friends entertained while we waited.  And of course my dolls (yes, Barbie included--I loved Barbie, so there!) had very exciting and elaborate lives.  Barbie's boyfriend was G.I. Joe, and sometimes Ken, too.  And they were spies.  Except when they were vampires.  And they often lived in a large mansion or a castle built out of jigsaw puzzle boxes and hardcover Reader's Digest Condensed Books.  And then there were the elaborate stories I concocted and made the other neighborhood kids reenact with me.  But I digress...

Short stories were where I started.  And I know I can do them while I'm still feeling shaky about being able to finish a novel.  And I really want to finish something.  I want a challenge that I feel will be really challenging (a story a week will do that) but that I know I can do.

So I'm doing this.

I'm changing my goals slightly to accommodate my new love.  Here's the new, improved Round 2 list:

• Write at least 15 minutes each weekday; weekends are optional--this is staying the same, but the writing will be mostly working on short stories now. I will probably continue the discovery writing process for my novel idea, too, because the two kinds of writing are different and compatible.
• Post a story a week--this is new and goes with the 52 Stories.  I'm not sure if I'm going to post the stories here or set up a semi-private blog for them or what.  There's that little, niggling voice that tells me if I publish them on my blog they will be unpublishable elsewhere.  I don't know for sure that this is something I need to consider just now.  What if I just write them for fun and to share with people just so I can start enjoying and improving my craft again?  What if this set of stories isn't for publication but just for fun?
• Participate in the ROW80 Twitter discussions and use bookending techniques there to help me stay on task--I'm still occasionally jumping in on Twitter and still would like to do more.  I'm ditching the bookending.  It just feels like one more thing to do, it doesn't seem to be adding anything to my writing, and it feels like an annoyance with no benefits.
• Read and comment on blogs each check-in, even if I only have time for one or two.--Sticking with this; I didn't do any since last Wednesday because I've been sick, but I'll be back to it now.

There you have it.  My first story is in the works.  I'll let you all know what I decide about where I'm posting (ideas on that are so very welcome!) once I figure it out.  See you later!

Checks, No Balance

Busy.  Very.  Writing?  What?  No.  Well, yes.  But writing for class work and that sort of thing.  The past five days (more?) my novel has languished.

I am tired!

ROW80 check-in: I didn't check in on anyone's blog (sorry, you guys!) this time around.  I didn't do anything on Twitter, either, other than sharing the link to my last post.  I have been busy, and now I'm tired and overwhelmed. 

Tonight after my class, I am taking some time to unwind.  I have work to do, but I'm going to make it wait.  I'm going to have a shower and then do a little writing, and then I'm going to read.  A novel.  Not anything related to my class or writing or any sort of non-fiction. 

And tomorrow and Friday I'm going to give myself some time and go read some blogs!

See you all Sunday.

Did You Hear That?

That's the sonic boom of my life flying by! 

It's busy around here.  And now it really is Sunday.  Again.  Time for a ROW80 check-in.  Time is going so fast right now, I think I feel my head spinning.

Not a lot to report this time around.  I did a lot of writing this week, but most of it was for my class.  And 750words.com, but that is for meditative mind clearing (very helpful--you should try it!).  I did work on my novel this week, so that wasn't a bust.  There just wasn't enough time or focus/energy to fit in five sessions, and for the next few weeks that may happen sometimes.  I was deeply involved in class work, though, so I can't say I regret missing a couple of writing sessions.

I did check in on some blogs again, so that's good.  I did a little bit on Twitter, so that's improving.

Overall, even though I didn't hit my goal of five fiction writing sessions, I'm feeling like this week was a win.  I got so much good stuff done for my class, and I got so much clarity from the meditative writing that I'm feeling great.  I'm feeling really upbeat about my writing and my coaching work and about living the life I really want.  It was a really good week, and I'm sticking with that!

Sunday--Sunny and Introspective

With a chance of writing...

It's ROW80 check-in day.  Two weeks in, and I'm feeling pretty good about this round.  I feel like I am learning again the pleasure of playing with words and story ideas and not worrying about finishing by a certain date.  I am learning to enjoy the process, and I think that will make me a happier writer, which will probably help me actually finish a story.

So, the details. 

Writing:  I wrote four times this week.  I may get in a bit of writing tonight still, but I'm recovering from a migraine so I'm pretty tired and may just go to sleep early.  Based on how these first two weeks have gone, I'm going to change my writing goal.  Instead of writing on weekdays with weekends optional, I'm going to set my goal as writing at least five days a week.


Twitter:  I remembered to do the bookending, but I didn't do much chatting and participating this week.    For the coming week, I might set myself some reminders.

Blog reading:  I only read and commented on two blogs this time.  I was really busy with class work and also really didn't use my time well the past few days.

So, not too bad this time, but I'm looking for a more focused week coming up.

Gone Surfing!

Okay, not really.  But inside my head, I'm someplace warm and sunny, with blue water, beaches, and surfers.  Of course, in my head it's also July, because it's 58 degrees in Santa Monica right now, but it's my fantasy, right?

While I'm waiting for the weather to warm up, here's a ROW80 check-in.

My goals:

• Write at least 15 minutes each weekday; weekends are optional
• Participate in the ROW80 Twitter discussions and use bookending techniques there to help me stay on task
• Read and comment on blogs each check-in, even if I only have time for one or two.

I wrote Sunday night and Monday.  Last night I was tired after a lot of work for my coaching class, and my ongoing headache really kicked up, so I chose to go to bed a little early and didn't write.  And I feel fine about that.  I'm itching to get back to it, though, so I already told my boyfriend that tonight is freezer food night (when we raid the freezer and pantry for whatever we feel like scrounging together to eat).  I'm going to have a nice, long chunk of time to pile up pillows, cover my feet in warm blankies, and just write as much as I want!

I have been so-so on the Twitter and bookending.  I did participate in the Throwback Party on Twitter last Wednesday, and I've posted a few times, but I keep forgetting that I mean to do the bookending.  I want to push for that a little more in case, down the road, I'm struggling to get to my writing.  Having the habit of checking in where people will be watching will be very useful then.

I have read and commented on several blogs, so that's all good.

That's about it.  I'm going back to my California dreaming now until it's time for class in a few hours.  See you later!

In the Flow

Sunday.  ROW80 check-in time.  This week has floated by and was so incredibly pleasant.  I want to learn to write this way, in this frame of mind, all the time.  This.  This is what was missing in my writing life.  This pleasure in playing with the words and images and ideas.  I am loving this!

I haven't decided yet if the bookending technique is helping me or not yet.  I think it will be most helpful when I'm struggling to show up at the page.  That's not happening at the moment.

Right now, I'm even dreaming about my story world.  Most mornings this week I've woken up with new ideas about my story roaming around my head, so I'm not having a hard time getting to the writing.  I have been doing my writing later in the evening, closer to bedtime, so that might have something to do with the dream writing.  I'm planning to keep doing that as often as I'm able, because I'm really enjoying waking up with my story in my head.

Plans:

I'm going to do a writing session tonight since I missed one on Thursday.  For now, I'm keeping the weekends optional and sticking with the Monday-Friday writing schedule.

See you all at Wednesday's check-in!

Throwback Party!

Not only is a ROW80 check-in, it's a PARTY!  Yep, it's a Throwback Style Party.  Check out this post from Barbara McDowell for the dance tunes and this one from her co-host Lena Corazon for the liquid refreshments.  Or head over to Twitter and check out our #ROW80 hashtag.

Right now, I'm dancing to this: 

Oh.  And I'm checking in.  Because I've been writing.

I'm really enjoying Alan Watt's 90 Day Novel.  I like the intuitive writing I'm doing from his questions.  I'm also loving that every morning this week I've woken up with more ideas for my story.  I'm not sure yet if that's because so far I've been writing not too long before bedtime or if the freewriting is stirring my subconscious.  Whichever, I'm loving that my mind is staying connected to my story when I'm not actively writing.

I didn't remember to do the bookending on Monday. I  did it last night.  So far I can't tell one way or the other if it's going to be helpful for keeping me motivated.  It's definitely too soon to see on that one.

I've also checked in on several ROW-ers blogs.

I am on target and feeling pretty darned happy about it since last round wasn't so great for me.

Now I'm headed back to the party.  See you all on Sunday with more check-in goodness!

Round and Round

It's already time to set goals and make plans for Round 2 of ROW80!  Last time, I was kind of unprepared and over-ambitious.  This time, I think I have a better plan...

Round 2 begins April 2

ROW80 Round 2 Goals:

• Write* at least 15 minutes each weekday; weekends are optional
• Participate in the ROW80 Twitter discussions and use bookending techniques there to help me stay on task
• Read and comment on blogs each check-in, even if I only have time for one or two.

* Writing will be working on exercises from Sarah Domet's 90 Days to Your Novel or other fiction writing. I'm not going to include blogging or working on my coaching homework or other types of writing. 

I want to make this round all about my fiction work.  I don't intend to do the 90 Days to Your Novel work in 90 days.  I plan to take longer because I don't agree with the idea that you  must turn down social engagements and trips and everything else to work on your writing.  Sometimes you need to do that, but not all the time.  And I have things (like my coaching training!) that I can't just set aside, but I want to get back to writing fiction.  So I picked a system that seemed straightforward and that is already broken down into fairly small steps.  I've been so flighty and scatterbrained about my writing for so long that I want to have someone hand me a little step and say, "Do this," and then just do that thing without worrying that I'm not going to know what to do next.

I guess this round is about establishing routines and trying out a system so that I have something to start from to create my own writing system.  I don't know that this system is better than any others.  I don't think it matters.  I think what I need right now is just picking a system and sticking with it to the end, just to show myself that I really can do it.

That's it.  This time around, I'm keeping it really simple.  I do want to make improvements in my health and lifestyle and in my organizing and housecleaning, but those are going to be things of their own and not part of my ROW80 goals even though they will impact my writing.  Last time, having goals in so many categories made me feel scattered and overwhelmed, and I stopped working on anything.  This time, it's just about the writing, and I'm loving the feel of that!

See you Monday for the kickoff.  Meanwhile here's today's American Sentence:

The rains of spring, with lowering skies, call me to sleep just like winter.

Which Way to Where?

I decided to combine a ROW80 check-in and a Wishcasting post today, because my thoughts on both are running in the same direction.

This week for Wishcasting, Jamie asked, "What is your spirit wishing for?"  I think my spirit and my writing are longing for the same thing--direction.

I am a deeply curious person.   I'm constantly asking, "What is that?" or "Why does that work that way?" Children's questions, some would say, but that's fine with me.  I really just want to know things, learn things, see new things.  And mostly this is good.

But this tendency has left me with a problem.   I know around eighteen million ways to plot and plan a novel and six hundred thousand ways to pray and worship and meditate and be spiritual.   This is great, right?  I know all sorts of things I didn't know before I started all of my reading and searching and learning.  Lots of the things I've learned have really added to my life, if only because I spent time thinking about them.  All of this has also left me kind of confused and disoriented and stuck because I have too many choices and can't figure out which way to go.

I am longing for something to speak to me, some way to step out in front of the others and say, "Come this way, over here, this is the path for you."  That's not going to happen, of course.  And there's not really one right way anyhow. 

Was it Buddha who said, "All paths lead to enlightenment"?  I just need to pick a path, step out along the way and keep going (it was definitely Buddha who said, "There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.").  I have to tell all the other pretty, shiny ideas, "Not now.  I'm going this way." And then I have to stick with what I choose long enough to actually let it work.

That's all.  I don't have any proclamations of "I choose this path!" right now.  I just have the knowledge that I need to choose, and I need to move forward, and I need to keep going for long enough to really see where the path leads.  My grandfather always used to tell me, "Do something, even if it's wrong."  I need to do something and keep doing it long enough to know whether or not it's wrong.