Reverb 10 December 19--Healing

Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

All I can think of is "Sexual Healing."  And I don't even like that song.  And it has nothing to do with anything that happened to me this year.  I fear my answer to this prompt is either nonexistent or nonsensical.  Or maybe both.

What healed me?  I don't know.  I don't feel healed. As a matter of fact, over the past couple of months I've really been overwhelmed by the comprehension of how much of me needs to be healed.  My physical self desperately needs to be healed--of the pain in my foot and ankles and various random places, the headaches, the lethargy, the stomach problems.  My heart and soul need to be healed, they need to be nurtured (and so does my physical self, and these are directly related, oh yes they are), they need a welcoming place to live and thrive, they need support and love to be brave enough to fly.  I need a lot of healing.  I am hoping that, with the work I'm planning through BodyPages, through Inner Excavation (which work I hope will be deepened and expanded on by working with the tips and techniques in Expressive Photography), through the plans I'm making for my Wild Minds Writing Retreat... I hope that through my personal work and the work I share with others I will find the healing I need even if I'm not completely, solidly sure of exactly what it is.  Wish me luck! :)

Body, Mind, and Creativity

I have decided to lose weight.  I have done this before. I had a major setback, and now after three years all sixty pounds are back--and I hadn't reached my goal back in 2007, either.

What does this have to do with creativity? Everything.  Not because being thinner will make me more creative. Not because losing weight is particularly a creative activity--although it can be when you start playing with recipes and things like that.  For me, being overweight directly affects my creativity because of all the mental time and space and energy it takes up.  Then there's the added bonus of being depressed over my physical condition--that eats up quite a lot of my creative space, too.  And the low self-esteem and general self-loathing I've dealt with my entire life because of my weight.  That takes a chunk of my heart and soul that could be going into my creative work.

That's just the emotional and mental stuff.  Add in that the last sixty pounds I gained and lost and gained back is due to physical issues--constant exhaustion and pain and the lethargy that comes with those and not exercising because of said exhaustion and pain.  While the physical issues happened before the last bit of weight gain, I know that they are also made worse from being so overweight.  And yet I can't seem to get myself moving and do something about it all.  And that just makes me feel worse, more down on myself and depressed and hopeless.  And then that leads to more of all of the above!

I need to lose weight.  For my mental health. For my physical health.  For my creative health.  Last time, I did it by getting completely caught up in working on diet and exercise plans constantly.  And I realize it's going to require focus and attention, the same way anything important does.  I need to make sure that I can still give focus and attention to my creative work, though, because last time I only had eyes for the weight loss and didn't really do any creative work for seven months.

So that's where things stand right now.  I need to lose weight and get stronger physically.  I need to heal the mental wounds surrounding my physical self.  I need to do this without losing touch with my creative activities. The how?  I guess that's something I'll be blogging about now and then as I figure it out.  Wish me luck!