Words and pictures from my mind to yours

Dull and Boring on the Outside

2012-02-08T14:06:00.000-08:00

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe. ~Neil Gaiman

Sometimes the Wednesday ROW80 check-in comes a little too fast...

So far this week I've done a bit of journaling. Lots and lots of reading--I cannot put down these Shadow Unit stories! Most of my writing has been letters for an event I'm working on, but I've also been working on notes for my new story.

Shan Jeniah Burton asked the other day if I could work on two stories at once. (Thank you for asking that!) I did a little writing and a lot of contemplating about that and then realized that I don't actually have to make that decision. The new idea isn't ready for writing yet. I have a couple of characters and lots of ideas for types of characters I need to add in. I have some place ideas and ideas for monsters/bad guys. I also have a growing list of things I need to research. So this story (stories!) idea isn't ready for writing at all just now. It's just ready for lots of fun researching and brainstorming and planning.

As for Ordinary Girl, I was trying to get back into the writing but had to admit that I've let myself get away from it for too long. I'm completely out of the story right now, so I'm starting a read through of what I have so far (no editing or revising, just reading) so I can get back into the story. And then I'm just going to write. I have a feeling the part I'm in right now is going to take a lot of random writing that will have to be cut later to get me to the next scene, but I think that's okay. I think if that's what's going to get me moving and on to the next part, then so be it. I'll do what I can now and fix it later. This freezing up when I don't have an idea for what's supposed to happen isn't helping anything. At least if I'm writing something I have a chance of figuring out what's really going on in this scene so I can wrap it up.

I didn't manage to get to anyone's blogs since Sunday. I'm so sorry, everyone! I feel like a complete slacker. But really, these stories are keeping me up way too late every night. I'm stealing bits of time during the day to read a page or two. It's been ages since I've had this much fun with stories I'm reading, so while I do feel bad for shirking my supporter duties, it's really been pretty awesome. And they're really feeding my inner storyteller, so that's an added bonus.

Writing Journal January 30-February 5

2012-02-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 30, 2012

Today was all about writing my newsletter article. Once again, I find myself asking why I always put this off until the last minute. I actually enjoy working on my newsletter, so why do I procrastinate? For that matter, why do I procrastinate on so many things that I actually want and like to do? Anyhow, I got most of the newsletter done including most of the article. I can finish that up and send the letter out tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Today, tons of journaling and a few too many rewrites on my main newsletter article. I knew what I wanted to say and the tone I wanted, but I kept feeling like I wasn't quite getting it. I finally had to call it done and send it out, and it's okay, but some days you just can't quite get the words to do what you want.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012- Sunday, February 4, 2012

Writing? What's that? I discovered a series of books. Or TV shows in story format. Shadow Unit. Go check it out. Prepare to get lost in it. For days.

I did get a few things besides reading done. I got all the stuff set up for my upcoming certification class--I had so much fun setting up my notebook I actually stopped reading for a couple of hours. Mostly.

I also got attacked by a really persistent new story idea. I think this one is going to require an actual file of its own rather than just a page in my "story ideas" file. And it's probably going to insist on me adding notes and things to it regularly until I have enough of a story idea to start writing. It's just that kind of idea.

Now I'm going back to my book...

Days Gone By

2012-02-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

Sunday? ROW80 Check-in? Oops. I lost the last few days, but I don't regret it for a minute!


Time flies, and so do birds.

I've done a little journaling the past few days, but not as much as I'd like. And I can feel the need for that. My thoughts are more organized and clear when I'm journaling a lot, so I need to get back to it. Other than that, I've been reading this fantastically fun series of stories called Shadow Unit. I'm in love with these stories! Unfortunately, they've also triggered yet another story idea for me, and this one isn't leaving me alone.

Usually I can write up some notes and set the story aside, but this one is taking over my thoughts. More and more scenes keep coming to me. I keep telling myself I have another story to write. I need to finish my other story, first. But...but, but, but! This story is taking over my brain! So how do I know when it's time to set aside the current story for later and go to work on the new one? I really need to pull out that journal and work through this.

This weekend I also got all of my stuff together for my upcoming Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching certification class. I set up a very cool notebook using a disc binding system so I could have it exactly how I want it. So I guess I wasn't entirely unproductive since Wednesday.

For the coming week, here's what I plan to accomplish:

Write 15 minutes at least 5 days
Exercise 15 minutes at least 3 days
Clean/organize 2 areas
Work on my internet use schedule
Set aside more time to visit other ROW-er's blogs

And, of course, read as much of my new, beloved stories as I can fit in!

ROW-ing Down the Stream of Consciousness

2012-02-01T16:22:00.000-08:00

And steering with my whimsy rudder...


Don't mind me--I'm a little dinghy today.

It's time for the mid-week ROW80 check-in. How is it that we're already a month in? What have I done with my time!

I've actually done a lot. I'm still wrestling with giving myself credit for writing activities that aren't actual words added to a story. I know perfectly well that all of this is necessary writing stuff. I would never tell anyone else that their work doesn't count. And yet when it comes to giving myself credit, I am Scrooge!

This week so far has been about writing my newsletter article (which went out with a typo--"knew" instead of "new"--and I'm so embarrassed even though I know it happens to the best of us!). I've also been doing a lot of journaling, and that has been illuminating and wildly useful this week. Journaling is always good, makes me feel calmer and clear headed, but this week has been fantastic.

Because of my journal work, I've rearranged my desk space at work, set things up so I don't have to have a browser window open to listen to music--I don't even have to have the computer on if I really don't want to once my work is finished. I've partially worked out an internet use schedule to limit my random browsing to keep my brain numb time online. Today is Day 3 of the new system, and I am noticeably spending less random time on the internet. It's not a perfected system yet, but it is already making a difference, and I'm very happy.

The rest of this week I'll be working to fine tune my internet use schedule and start marking off blocks of time for specific tasks like outline work, journaling, story prompts, etc. so I not only know that I want to do them, but I have a clearer image in my mind of when it will happen and how my day will shape up around those blocks. I think this method will help me keep a clear mental picture of what I want to accomplish without feeling restrictive and persnickety, but I will have to see how it feels once I start trying it out.

I'm starting to work through Alexandra Sokoloff's Screenwriting Tricks For Authors (and Screenwriters!)
which I picked up over a year ago, started to read, and then set aside even though I was really liking it. I don't know why I do that sort of thing so often, but I really end up depriving myself of good stuff that way.

I also wrote up another new story idea, although this one didn't come complete with an entire opening scene with dialogue like the last one did. Still, the words are stirring and reviving, and I'm glad.

Exercise isn't happening right now. I have a bad cold (including a sore throat and mouth sores--something I am plagued with), so I'm mostly feeling yucky and draggy and tired. Lots of tea and reading for me. Maybe some knitting. Plenty of journaling. Not much moving since I can't each much of anything so have no energy. Hoping to shake this off soon and get some energy back. I need energy to do stuff! Or, you know, to get through my day. Whichever comes first.

I think that's everything. I also think all the sugary tea, lack of food, and cold medicine may have made me loopy, so I hope you'll excuse the goofy around here. See you all on your blogs!

Writing Journal January 26-29

2012-01-30T08:35:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Today I gathered my story notes into one document to read through so I can really get myself back into my story world. Six pages. That's it! Almost 60,000 words, and only six pages of notes. It's really kind of cool, isn't it?

Getting the notes together was really useful on a few levels. First, I get the gist of the story in a very small space, and that lets me get a good overview of what I've written so far without having to reread everything. Best of all, though, I can see now why I've been having trouble wrapping up the scene I've been poking at since December. I don't have any notes at all on it. I'm not sure what needs to happen, and I haven't taken the time to do any free writing and note taking about it. Friday is going to be all about getting my head around that scene so I can finally finish it out and move on to Act II. I'm also going to do some Act II planning tomorrow so when I finish the current scene I won't find myself stuck again because I have too many options and ideas swirling around.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Today I ended up writing the first scene of a new story. It seems to be a paranormal YA story, and the scene came to me so suddenly and strongly that I had to stop what I was doing and go to the computer to write it all down. It seems to have calmed down enough to let me do other things now that I have that part written, but this may end up being what I work on after Ordinary Girl, because I can feel these characters doing things in the back of my head, so they may insist on some attention when I have it to give. I also got in a good chunk of journal writing today. It was nice to get some of my thoughts and ideas sorted.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

I didn't do any writing today, not even journaling. I think that's okay, actually. I was going to do some journaling this evening, but my heart wasn't in it, so I gave myself permission to have a day off.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Some journaling early-ish in the day led to some good information about my writing life. I noted that when I was a fairly regular and prolific writer (even though I was still plagued with that habit of not finishing longer works), I was also doing writing practice pretty much every day. I wrote in my journal, sometimes for hours on end, in addition to writing stories. I also wrote papers for my literature classes, and that's something I may look at doing on my own just to dust off those skills. I wrote lots of what my friend Megan and I used to call "things." They weren't poems, but they weren't stories, but they also weren't exactly essays. They had elements of poetry and fiction but were quite short and more narrative and more essay-like. I also wrote poetry. And then there was the reading. Back then I was reading way more than I've been making room for lately. Lots of novels, of course, but also short stories, poetry, and books and stories for my classes that I might not have picked up on my own. So I'm doing a bit of reworking of my writing goals and of my writing life. I have a strong feeling this is going to be really helpful, so I'm excited to get started and see how things go.

Three Rs

2012-01-29T19:34:00.000-08:00

Rest, Rejuvenation, Revamping.

Not the three Rs you were thinking of? They're the new Rs, at least over here. I'm at the end of a mini vacation--four days of just being. At first I thought I would do things--organize shelves, paint, clean the kitchen. Then, after some soul searching, I realized that I needed to stop and breathe. Thursday, Friday, and yesterday I had the house to myself until evening, often late in the evening. I decided to take that time to heal the deep exhaustion and overwhelm that keeps hitting me.

Mother Nature must have decided that this was exactly what I needed, because she gifted me with three beautifully sunny days. I took the cats and ensconced myself in the sun-filled living room where I watched many episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, read, wrote in my journal, knitted, and mindfully chose to relax and let my energy build up.

I'll admit I'm not quite feeling 100% over the exhaustion--2011 was a hectic, rough year, and there've been a few bumps to the beginning of this year, so I probably need a little more healing time. But I've made great inroads.

In all of this, I decided I need to revamp my ROW80 goals. I'm trying to accomplish all this stuff, but I'm building these things on a shaky foundation. I haven't re-established a good, solid, regular writing practice. It's been years since I've been a consistent writer. I'm not stepping away from my story, but I am going to focus first on writing regularly. This might be free writing about the story, writing from a prompt, maybe some other types of writing. Friday, it was a big chunk of time writing the opening scene of a new story that came to me so clearly I had to turn off the food I was cooking and go sit down to write it out. And today I'm doing some discovery writing for my novel, working out exactly why my MC isn't just walking away from her fae love interest and why he isn't just ditching her. I'm learning that I'm a lot more character driven than I realized, and I seem to write better when I know why my people are doing things. This is okay. It's actually quite good; I think it's going to be really useful to know when I go back to a couple of partially written stories I have in my files.

For now, though, my new goal is to write regularly. This means at least 15 minutes, at least five days a week. I'll be honing this as I move into the regular practice more, but this is where I'm starting.

For my other goals, I'm going to continue to get myself moving. That hasn't been going well so far, but I'm not giving up. At least 15 minutes of movement--probably belly dancing--at least four days a week. And household organizing--I'm going to pick an area and straighten it up and then pick the next one. The list thing isn't working well for me. I'm going to do at least one area a week, but I hope as I start doing this I'll start feeling less overwhelmed by it and be able to do more.

I'm Just a Ball of Confusion

2012-01-25T15:50:00.000-08:00

The funny thing about this yarn is that it's actually a muted, heathery berry color. Filters altered it completely away from its reality. It's like me. I look like one thing on the outside, but I'm actually something quite different. I tend to look calm and competent and as if I have a plan. Mostly, though, I'm just confused and longing for a clear path and wishing I could figure out how to do all the things I want to do. And then I curl up with candy, kitties, and TV shows and block it all out for a while.

That's what I did the past couple of days. There was a lot of knitting and reading in there, too. I wasn't quite ready to jump back into the world on Monday, so I decided to just give myself time and space and let my heart tell me when it was ready to enter the world again. Today, my heart is still sore, but it is better. I needed that downtime--days' worth, not just an evening or afternoon. It was a good plan.

Speaking of plans, even though I wasn't actively working on my story it was working on itself in the back of my head. My muse gifted me with a great addition to what's happening with my MC; it's going to be very important later in the story!

I also had to admit to myself that I don't really like Scrivener. I want to like it. There are a lot of things I do like. But somehow it's not working for me. The main issue is not being able to add colored text, larger text, bold or italic text on my note cards. Some of what I write in my scene cards is more important that the other stuff, and I like to be able to make it stand out. I also like bulleted lists on my scene notes, and Scrivener doesn't let me do that, either. The final straw is that, although I followed their instructions for loading and using it from my flash drive, it gets hung up with some files and thinks it can't open them on my work computer. I'm constantly fearful that I'll sit down to work on my story only to find that I'm missing parts or can't access some of it. Not conducive to writing, let me tell you! So I'm going back to The Journal, and I'll worry about moving it to something where I can print it, turn it into a single file, and all of that exciting stuff later. For now I just want to go back to my writing, and The Journal makes it easy and comfortable, so I'm sticking with it.

One last little bit in this somewhat disjointed ramble of mine--I'm going to try doing an ongoing blog post each week with details each day of what I wrote that day. I'm going to include everything--journaling, writing from prompts, character sketches, work on my story. I'll keep this as a draft, write it from Monday-Sunday, then post it on Monday before starting the next one. I like the idea of seeing what I've done each week, and I also like the idea of being able to get encouragement from my writing buddies.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind and compassionate responses on Sunday. I love this ROW80 crowd! See you Sunday, and until then, happy writing!

Late Night, Little to Say

2012-01-22T22:50:00.000-08:00

I am writing this from my iPod because I almost forgot. It's been a terrible week. I haven't written or done anything with my goals. It started with three days of the eight year old at work. The last day of that was because of a snow storm. That same day, Wednesday, My friend's cat, who used to be my kitty before I had to find her a new home, died. Thursday when I got to work, the building started flooding. Things I had stored there got ruined. Access to the kitchen was cut off so no hot drinks during the day plus cold, wet feet all day from having to wade through some of the water. Friday was a continuation of dealing with flood damage.

So I'm a bit whiny. And still mentally exhausted. I spent a lot of time knitting and watching movies all weekend. Tomorrow starts a new week, though, and I will pick myself back up and restart my writing. Slowly. With time off if I need it as my emotions, still not fully recuperated from my my mother's health crises of last year, may need more time off.

That's all for my dreary check-in. I plan on having something better and more interesting to report on Wednesday.

Hazy Shade of Winter

2012-01-18T14:14:00.000-08:00

Time, time, time, see what's become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities

~Simon and Garfunkel "Hazy Shade of Winter"

It's Wednesday. It's ROW80 check-in day. It was supposed to be a snow day, but it got to almost 40 degrees before 7 a.m., and everything melted, so now I am sitting at work, too cold, huddled in my chair, looking out at a soggy gray landscape and feeling rather dreary and uninspired. And cold. Did I mention I'm cold? I am.

Still, the ROW must go on. So here's what I've been up to the past few days:

Answering the questions from H.E. Roulo's article "A Simple Novel Outline--9 questions for 25 chapters." I'm not sure how useful the info on putting chapters together is going to be, but the questions themselves have helped me get to know my MC better. I'm on Question 6 right now and will be finishing up the whole thing today or tomorrow.
Researched my MC's career to help me pinpoint a few things about her that I didn't have clear ideas on. I didn't think I needed more info, but the aforementioned Question 6 led me to a few questions of my own that needed answering.

That's it. I haven't exercised, but now that I've made that public I plan to do my workout as soon as I post this so I can feel a little better physically and mentally. I also haven't been spending time just relaxing and letting myself enjoy time away from being busy. I did fine with this last week so thought it wasn't something I had to really give much attention to, but I think I might have been mistaken on that one. Tonight, there will be knitting and TV watching and brain rest time. There will also be time for putting away the Christmas tree ornaments that are lying on the table waiting to be wrapped and stored, but that won't take long, so I will have plenty of time for relaxation, too.

The plan for Thursday-Sunday:

Keep doing some sort of writing every day for at least 10 minutes
Exercise three times
Get the Christmas ornaments put away!
Read through my story so far to get myself fully back in the storyline
Write about what I want to have happen in the next parts of the story to start generating some ideas and get the story moving again

Somewhere in there you might find some hot chocolate and a jigsaw puzzle put up on the table the ornaments are strewn across. It's the perfect weather for that sort of thing, and I do need to get in that R&R!

See you Sunday.

In Winter Enjoy

2012-01-15T22:00:00.000-08:00

In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy. ~William Blake

Yesterday, I met with my fabulous group of writer women. It was a perfect chance to laugh and look at what we've done in the past month, plan what we want to do in the coming month, and generally get grounded and filled with inspiration all at once.

One of the things we do each time we meet is set intentions for the coming weeks. This time around I set the intention to enjoy my life. To not focus so much on what I want to do, what I want to accomplish, that I lose sight of why I want to do these things. I wrote something in my calendar this week, copied it from somewhere and can't find where, but it says, "I write because I love it." Oh yeah. This isn't something someone is making me do; this is something I want to do. And I should relax a little and let myself enjoy it, have fun along the way.

What does this have to do with my ROW80 goals? Everything. Because all of my goals are things my heart desires. And yet I keep living under this heavy cloud of angst and worry about needing to do more, do it faster, get things done, check off those "to do" items. That's not actually what I wanted to set myself up for when I started making goals and plans to be a write lo these many years ago. It's just what I somehow drifted into. And now I have seen it, and I can correct it!

So, what did I do ROW80-wise since Wednesday? A little writing. I've learned a few things about my love interest, including one really huge, important bit that finally gives me reasons for some of the things he's doing or going to do. I'm so happy about this! I like it when things make sense. I don't like my people just randomly doing things because I need to move the story forward. This is a really good thing.

I have actually started exercising! And it feels good. I need to focus on how good my body feels when I'm stretching and moving it and make that, and being stronger with more stamina, my motivation to keep moving. I want to enjoy moving, not move because I'm trying to lose inches or pants sizes or anything like that.

This round is turning into the round where I learn a lot about what I really want in my life. I like it. I like the direction I'm going in, this movement toward enjoyment and satisfaction with doing something now rather than just looking toward what it's going to get me later.

This coming week I want to focus on building a more regular writing habit because I still tend to be sporadic. I think my brain feels better, my thoughts flow more smoothly, and my emotions stay on a more even keel when I write regularly. Or, as my boyfriend says, "You're happier when you're writing. So write!" This week, I'm going to start a habit of setting my writing stuff out first thing in the morning where I'll see it as I'm doing my work at the office. Then, when it's time for writing, I will have everything set to go. I'm also going to experiment with writing something every day even if some of the days it's a writing exercise or journal entry, just to see how daily writing makes me feel.

Thank you to everyone who left such positive comments on my last post. Hearing others agree that I'm on the right path has really helped me clarify my thoughts on my writing and how I'm living life in general, and I'm starting to feel really excited about my writing and my possibilities again. I haven't really been excited about my writing in too long, so I'm thrilled that feeling is coming back, and I'm going to nurture it and enjoy it every day!

Starting Line

2012-01-11T14:42:00.000-08:00

Oh sure. Technically ROW80 started last week. That doesn't mean I was actually as ready to start as I thought I was. I had plans. I had goals. I just didn't have myself together enough to actually get going.

Today I'm finally starting to feel like I'm in the swing of things, though. Easing up on the pressure, breaking my goals in to smaller pieces, and generally giving myself a break so I don't keep running into a wall of resistance is working quite nicely.

What I Did So Far This Week:

Since Sunday, I did my PT stretches each day. Sometimes half-heartedly or as an afterthought, but I did them. Today was the first day I did my full 10-ish minute exercise routine, and it felt really good! I could feel my muscles warming up and stretching and loosening. It's a great feeling. Why did I wait so long? Oh yeah. Wall of resistance.

I did more work on my outline. And today I did a little more work and came up with some questions* that really need answers, so I'll be doing some free writing/discovery writing on those during the rest of the week. And then I am going to very gently sit myself down with my actual story document open and write something. One sentence. Maybe a whole paragraph. Maybe more once I'm there. Something to get the flow going again.

*The questions:

Why is Charlie so involved/letting himself get pulled in to this?
How do Charlie and Nick know each other?
Is Nick actually a good guy? Has he always been, or has he turned over a new leaf to become a good guy? If he really used to hunt faeries, how and why? Was he hunting and killing?

I haven't done anything about making a list of mini areas in the house for cleaning. I have some weird idea that I need to get it right, whatever that means. As if I can't just tear a page out of the notebook and write something different if I find out what I originally plan isn't working out. I do not like this obsession with "right" I have been living with my whole life. It needs to leave right now! There's the door, you. Get out! (Think that will work? I'll let you know.) Still, I did identify one mini area that's especially bothersome for me (the area next to my recliner), and that's the one I'll be working on this weekend.

Things I've Realized This Week:

I need to give myself permission to take time off now and then. I can set the amount of time--a day, two days, a week, whatever I seem to need--and then I need to take it off and leave aside the guilt.
I really need to learn to give myself credit for writing stuff that isn't actually writing of story. Discovery writing to get to motivations is really useful. So is planning out the next couple of scenes, working on the outline, all of those things that keep me engaged with the story but aren't writing the story. There is no reason to feel guilty when I'm working on those and so haven't done any story writing.
Because Saturday was a forced day off because I was sick, I've been pressuring myself to "catch up" somehow, and that's just not working out. The more I pressure myself, the more I resist and don't do anything at all. Then I feel awful, put more pressure, do even less...vicious circle! Step away from the pressure. The only way to be free of the wall of resistance is to step away and let it fall down.

That's it for now. See you Sunday. Happy writing!

A Greater Whole

2012-01-09T16:44:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in yesterday's ROW80 check-in, I want to put into words why I'm including exercise and house cleaning/organizing goals with my writing goals. The simple answer is that everything is interrelated. You know, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.


Just like a jigsaw puzzle is more than just odd shaped pieces once it's put together.

That's the simple answer. The longer answer is that I have a body. I'm not just my brain and my creativity and my inspiration. I have a body, and my creativity needs that vehicle to be in tiptop shape to help us get where we're going. Chuck Wendig says it perfectly in his post 25 Things Writers Should Stop Doing: "Stop treating your body like a dumpster." Read the "why" behind that. It's funny and oh-so-true.

I struggle with serious energy slumps which come with fuzzy thoughts, inability to focus, aches and pains and all sorts of physical yuckiness. I need to focus on eating better food (I do all right, but I am a bit sporadic at this). I need to exercise to help rid my body of those pains and help regulate my energy and build up a reserve. I need energy and a sharp brain and focus to write, so I need to be taking care of my body. So, exercising and taking care of my body are writing goals.

What about that house thing? Well, my house is a mess. It's beyond a mess. It's horrible and frustrating and disgusting and embarrassing. It's also distracting. Piles of papers and random things everywhere. Stacks of laundry, both dirty and clean. Messes and dirt and disorganization everywhere with nothing pleasant to rest the eye on. This keeps my brain skipping from place to place, looking for a nice place to land. This takes my focus away from writing because if I see what's around me, all I can think about is how awful it is, how ugly everything looks, how I dislike my surroundings, and how I'm desperate to have it different. That's a lot of though power that could be going into my writing. Plus, I want and need a pleasant environment to rest and recharge in so I can shore up those energy reserves so I have the fuel for writing.

It's all part of my whole life. And I need and want and deserve a healthy, energetic, beautiful life to frame my writing with. So I'm going to find some way to get past the overwhelm and the exhaustion and the aches and pains and make it happen.

For those who are interested, here's the 10 (ish) minute exercise plan I'm going to be doing for a few weeks to help my muscles loosen up and get ready for the next stage.

Warm-up: 3-5 minutes of full body stretches and bends with deep breathing, marching in place, arm swings with side steps, and general movement to get things moving.

Part 1: Physical therapy stretches for the leg muscles to help strengthen the injured muscles and keep them from getting re-injured. About 3 minutes.

Part 2: Strength work. 10 reps of each of these:

Wall push-ups
Side bends
Waist twists
Standing crunches
Standing leg lifts: front, side, back
Calf-raises

Part 3: Repeat PT stretches with added stretches for the upper body

A very short, simple program, but it has really helped in the past to start easing my body into exercising without overdoing things and causing problems. This time, though, I'm not going to put this on a schedule. I will stick with the program until I feel ready to add things in; I'm not going to follow anyone else's ideas about how soon I should be adding time, adding weights, anything like that. My body works on its own schedule, and this time I'm going to listen!

Reset

2012-01-08T22:12:00.000-08:00

It's time for the ROW80 check-in. And I don't have enough to report.

No, that's not true. I just don't have the things to report that I wanted to have today. All right, then, I'll just report what I've done and put aside what I hoped I would do.

The most important thing is that I've realized I need a bit of a change. A relatively minor adjustment, but I think it's going to make quite a difference in what I get done this round. But I'll talk about that in a moment.

What I've done:

Had a pretty major breakthrough on why my main character is so intent on searching for the faeries. This why is going to be important to a later part in the story, too, and it's helping a lot of the motivations for actions make sense. I really needed this clarity!
Got my novel and synopses moved over to Scrivener and finished the tutorial so I can actually make good use of the program.
Worked on a knitting project while watching TV with the boyfriend and cats and letting myself just relax without trying to do all sorts of things like checking e-mail, writing blog posts or being "productive" while watching.
Cleaned/organized one section of my closet.

What I haven't done:

Exercise. Not even once.
Finished my house areas list for cleaning.
Written anything new on my story.

Back to that change I mentioned. I realized that I haven't broken my goals down into small enough chunks. I overwhelmed myself, even though I thought I had done a good job of being specific and small. The good news here is that this is easy to fix. This is actually more of a honing of the goals I've set rather than a real change, because I still think the goals are reachable.

My new, smaller goals:

Engage with/work on my novel at least 15 minutes each week day. Weekends are optional and will depend on what I feel like doing--I need to make a point to have leisure time for recharging.
Exercise just 10 minutes at least four times each week--I need to make an actual plan of what exercise I'm going to do so I don't have to try to decide what to do when it's time to exercise.
Clean in one mini area for 10 minutes at least twice a week--I believe the short time limit along with the mini areas will help make the cleaning/organizing less stressful and overwhelming

That's the new plan. I like it, and it doesn't make me feel stressed out about whether or not I can do it. I need to build up a level of confidence and accomplishment, and that's going to get done better and more easily with this tiny little steps.

I also have a couple of one time goals for this week. I am going to write about why I'm including exercise and cleaning/organizing in my writing goals. I'm also going to post the exercise plan I'm going to use to ease me back into regular workouts. I'll probably throw that all into one post tomorrow, though. For now, I think I'm on a better path, and I'm feeling happy with what I've come up. That seems like a good place to wrap up for the night.

Bumps in the Road

2012-01-04T12:06:00.000-08:00

It's the beginning of the year, so of course I really wanted my first ROW80 check-in to be stellar. At least it's happening. Stellar? Maybe next time. It's moving along at least, even if it's slower than I thought it would be.

There's nothing really awful to report. I just thought I'd have more done on my synopsis/outline by now, but I experienced some technical difficulties. I realized I need to move my work from the journaling software I've been using to an actual writing program. The journal software is wonderful; I love how easy it is to create categories and sub-categories and new sections. However, it doesn't let me compile my work into a single document, and when it comes time for revisions that's going to be significant.

Last year I had tried out the Windows beta of Scrivener, and it has a lot of similarities to my journaling software so I decided to go ahead and use my NaNoWriMo winner reward and buy a copy. And that's where the difficulties began. I don't know if it's because I'm running it from my flash drive or because I never read the manual so I'm doing something wrong, but my registration wouldn't go through properly. I decided to uninstall and start over, but the uninstall failed. I had to go through my hard drive and flash drive and find ever last damned Scrivener file and delete them manually. And there were several beta upgrades in there. And each one of those created new files. Ugh.

It's done now, but I had thought I would have the synopsis of what I've written so far complete and moved over into Scrivener by today. Still, I did know that all those files scattered around were a mess and needed to be cleaned up. That's all set now, and I'm even going through the tutorial to make sure I am using the program to its full advantage, so this extra time it's taking to get started is probably going to be good for me in the long run.

Now for the other stuff. I have started a notebook for my house cleaning/organizing. The list of mini areas still needs to be completed, but it has been started. I've figured out what I'm going to do for exercise for the first few weeks to get myself back into the groove with that, but I haven't actually done anything yet. I really need to make a dedicated space for my workout gear--clothes, weights, books and videos, etc.--so I don't have to go looking for things every time I want to exercise. I am planning my recreational time for tonight--knitting while catching up on some TV shows with kitties and boyfriend.

My plan for now through Sunday: finish getting Scrivener and my synopsis/outline set up. Not sure if I will finish the outline by then, but I will have it done by next Wednesday. I will exercise at least twice between now and Sunday (yes, I could do more, but I'm trying to avoid that overwhelm thing). I will finish the list of mini areas for house cleaning. That's probably enough. Slow and steady, right? Right!

Ding Ding Ding!

2012-01-02T16:19:00.000-08:00

That's the starting bell!

Today is the start of Round 1 of ROW80 for 2012, and I am excited! And ready! I have goals. I have plans. Most importantly of all, I have a community. I love knowing there are other writers working by my side, striving for their goals as I reach for mine. I love knowing that we are all looking out for one another. Here's to a great round, you guys!

My goals for this round:

Goals for writing:

Finish synopsis/outline
Finish first draft
Do a first pass revision
Line up first reader(s) and get book to them

I'm a little uncertain about what happens after that last bit. What do I do while I'm waiting for my book to come back from my readers? Do I just do writing practice to hone my general writing skills? I'll need to figure that out. I'm also leaving myself flexible on those last two as I'm not entirely sure there will be that much time this round. Those may go into Round 2, but I'll decide that later.

Goals for everything else:

Exercise for at least 10 minutes 4 days a week
Create a list of mini areas in the house to clean
Clean at least one mini area each week
Create a weekly maintenance plan to keep the house tidy/keep the cleaned sections from backsliding
At least once a week do something for fun/relaxation/entertainment--read some fiction; put on a movie or tv show and knit or embroider; go on a photo walk; go to a movie; meet a friend for lunch/dinner/coffee; go to knit night; work in my art journal, and so on

I want to add a billion things! I'm not going to. Little goals, little steps, no overwhelm. If I'm not overwhelmed, I won't quit. Or at least I'll have a better chance of sticking with it. So this will do. It may actually be too much, but this was the minimum that I could make myself pare things down to.

Kait at ROW80 talks about your test mile in the goal setting post linked above. It's the amount of writing (or running or exercise or whatever) you do to test whether or not you're going to go further that day or skip it until tomorrow. I'm going to set my test mile at 500 words. I can do 500 words pretty easily even if I'm stressed or sick or ultra busy, but it shouldn't be too short to keep me from finding out if I can hit my stride that day and keep going.

This is getting awfully long, isn't it? I'll wrap up with this week's plans to help me reach my goal. I'm not going to break it down by writing and everything else; I'm just clumping it all together the way life is.

My plans for this week:

Finish synopsis/outline
Write my house areas list
Get exercise videos moved onto the front room computer
Get exercise clothes (don't forget the socks!) all into one place
Do something for fun

That's it. See you Wednesday for the mid-week check-in. Happy New Year and happy writing!

Wishcasting for the New Year

2011-12-28T15:56:00.000-08:00

We've wrapped up ROW80 for a bit, but I'll mention my writing briefly. I'm working on my outline, and based on what I'm seeing that needs adding and filling out, I'm going to make my new goal to finish the first draft and get it to first readers during the next ROW80 round which starts January 2.

And now on to Wishcasting. This week Jamie asks, "What is your wish for the new year?" I'm going to keep this one short and simple, and on the 31st I'm going to write it down and pin it up in my room where I will see it every day of the coming year.

I wish for the confidence and faith and energy and focus and drive I need to keep going, keep reaching toward my dreams and goals and desires even when the going is tough, things look hopeless, and the end is no where in sight.

Wrapping Up the ROW, and a Winter Wish

2011-12-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Solstice! The year is winding down. This round of ROW80 is at an end. So much wrapping up, so much to look forward to.

I didn't hit 65K for my ROW80 goal. I let the December slump combined with holiday chaos sidetrack me. The difference is that this time I have writing friends to help me keep myself at least thinking about my story and my writing. I've had some of those, "I am such a failure, I never finish anything, I'm hopeless" kinds of moments. But this time I'm talking back to that voice and telling it exactly how I plan to finish this story. This time things really do feel different.

Over the next little while as I wait for the first round of 2012, I'm going to do two things. First, I'm going to finish my outline. Second, I'm going to read as much fiction as I can stuff into my brain. And when 2012 and the next ROW80 start, I am going to continue reading regularly to keep myself energized.

That's it for my ROW80 check-in. Thank you to all my new writer friends for helping me move forward and stay excited about my writing. See you in 2012!

A Winter Wish

And now here's a little Wishcasting. This week, Jamie asks us, "What is your winter wish?"

I wish for peaceful, quiet times for curling up with a blanket, some tea, and a good book in front of the fire. I wish for calm and steadiness as I move forward with the things I want to do in my life without trying to do too much at once and getting overwhelmed and without putting things off for so long that they never get done. I wish for cozy sweaters; thick, cushy socks; brightly colored mugs full of steaming cinnamon tea; frosted windows and starry nights; a home that offers me comfort and beauty and a haven for my dreams.

That's it for now. I'll make some progress posts about my outline, and if you're really lucky, you'll get some holiday kitty pictures.

Until then, happy holidays!

It's Late

2011-12-18T22:42:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling tired and a bit desolate. And I found this picture, which seems perfect for my energy level right now:

I really am that tired right now. but I wanted to do a quick ROW80 check-in. I don't want to miss any of those. I think checking in and staying in touch with the group is going to be my saving grace, the thing that helps me keep myself going.

I've had to acknowledge that some things aren't going to get done when I had hoped they would. My writing resolve and momentum caved under Christmas pressure. I'm not going to hit 65,000 words by Thursday. I will hit it by the end of the month, though, so I'm not too far off the mark. I haven't done much of anything about my story this week. A few new details planned and lots of thinking about it, and that's about it.

Before you jump down to the comments to tell me I'll get there and to not be discouraged and all the wonderful things everyone keeps telling me (and this is completely sincere--I have loved every bit of support and every comment and can't thank all of you enough!), I want to tell you that I'm feeling pretty good about where I am. I have done some writing and some planning in December. Usually, I enter December full of plans and leave full of angst because I didn't do one thing during the whole month. Not this time, though. I have actually done things. In December!

Better than that, I have a workable plan to continue my story. And best of all, I'm finding that it's flexible, so when things like needing to take time for holiday preparations throws me off my schedule I'm not completely derailed. I'm merely detoured. I don't feel like I'm stuck or stopped. I really do feel like I just made some adjustments to my plan.

So what am I saying here in my exhaustion induced babbling? I'm saying that I'm going to finish this story. I'm still fully in my story world, and even when I'm not actually writing I'm thinking about my characters and what they're doing all the time. This is all really good stuff and quite different from Decembers past.

Here's my plan. This week I'm going to continue reading the outlining book I'm working on. I'll make notes as much as possible, although I suspect I'll be needing to go back and fill in some details after Christmas is over. Right now I'm not going to say exactly when I plan to finish the book because there is a lot of holiday stuff to do, and I know I don't want to leave any of it undone. I really enjoy choosing gifts, making things for people, planning and cooking food, decorating, the whole lot of it. I'm not going to shortchange myself on this. But I do plan to have the book finished by January 31, 2012. That's one month later than I'd hoped. I think if I get back to work on the 26th and really stick with it, this is still a workable timeline. We'll see, though, because I'm still in completely new territory since I've never finished a novel before.

I'd like to end with some witty comment or pithy quote or something. I'm much too tired for that and have a few more pictures to print out for a super secret Christmas project. So instead I'll just say "goodnight."

Wishing and ROWing

2011-12-14T14:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't written a Wishcasting Wednesday post in a while. I've been reading the questions each week and thinking about them, but with everything else I've been doing these past few months, I just couldn't manage to fit in doing the writing and blog visiting. But this week Jamie asks, "What is your deepest wish?" And I really wanted to answer that today. So I'm combining a wish with my ROW80 check-in and having it all, at least for today.

My Deepest Wish

I wish for a haven in my home, a beautiful, comfortable place to come to and be peaceful and meditative, to think and read and write and drink tea. I wish for beautiful surroundings and cozy, comfortable spaces in my home and in my heart and in my head so that I have space and freedom to dream all the stories and think all the thoughts I want. I wish for freedom to spend my time writing the stories and doing the things that make me feel good and whole and happy. I really, really wish for a different life away from this cold, ugly office I come to every day, away from schedules other people make that don't let me do what I need to do when I want to do it. I wish for beauty and grace and time for my important bits of life.

My Writing Life

On Sunday I met with my writer friends for our monthly, in-person support circle. I talked about my dilemma--write or plan or both all at once? We decided I was very busily digging myself a hole and filling it in as I went, complaining about the quality of the dirt and the weight of the shovel the entire time. In other words, I was very busy getting in my own way.

Saying this out loud did not make me step out of my own way, though, at least not right at first. I still had to fight with myself for another day or two before finally, yesterday, finding myself picking my story notebook up again and getting back to work. Because I have recognized that I don't do well with moving the story forward if I don't have something of an idea of what needs to be happening in a scene, I'm going to continue with the planning. I'm also going to get back to writing. I really want to be adding to the story, and right now that doesn't seem to be causing problems with the planning, so I'm going to continue on with my writing/planning mix.

Will I reach 65K by next Thursday? I don't know. I might, if I can get a firmer grasp of what needs to happen after this scene I'm writing. It is still well within the realm of possibility, so I'm not counting myself out yet. I also won't be terribly sad if I don't quite make it, because I feel like I'm still getting a lot done with this story. I am learning to allow myself to count the planning as part of actually working on the book, and that changes things quite a lot. I am progressing, both in the story and in my writing life. I'd call this round a win.

Sunday

2011-12-11T21:47:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a little dull today, so "Sunday" is the best I can do just now for a title. I've been sitting here poking at it for way too long, and I should just write a check-in and move on.

As dull as tarnished silver

So, about that ROW80 check-in. I did some writing this week, so that's really good. Usually by this point in the post-NaNo scheme of things I've stalled out. This week, I still wrote on my story. But I also had to admit something to myself.

I have read and studied lots about novel planning, outlining, writing in general. I have never actually gone all the way through any of the systems. I always decide at the last minute that I really need to get on that planning for NaNo, so then I skim my way through some plotting book or an article or two, and then I do the bare bones minimum before I run out of time.

Why is this especially important right now? Because while I was doing NaNo this year I was making a point to examine my writing style. And I found that the days my writing really flew, the words flowing fast and the phrases coming easily, were the days when I had a good plan for the scene at hand. The times when all I had was a vague notion--"J goes to T's family home with him"--were slow and clunky. They were much harder to write and really not terribly fun.

I never planned out every single detail of a scene, but the ones that went well had notes about things that I wanted to have happen in them and a general order of what would happen when. So clearly I need to spend more time on my planning because that's what works for me.

Add to all of this the book I'm reading, K.M. Weiland's Outlining Your Novel: Map Your Way to Success. She recommends spending a couple of months really working on the outline before you write. And I can see the sense of this. I clearly do better work when I have a plan. So what's the problem?

I'm not able or willing to let go of actually working on the writing. I said I would do 65,000 words by December 22. I planned to have the first draft finished by the end of the month. If I turn to just planning now, I won't reach those goals. Also, I'm worried about stopping the writing. What if I work on the planning then can't get back into the writing? What if stopping to work on planning stops me completely?

I'm thinking of compromising, doing some writing, then a little planning, then more writing, and so on. But is this my best choice? I don't know. I also know that I'm very tired today and getting more tired by the moment, so I may need to save this decision for tomorrow. For now, I'm going to wrap this up, hope it isn't too incoherent, and drag myself to bed.

Progress, No Pilgrims Involved

2011-12-07T13:20:00.000-08:00

Yes, I *was* just thinking about Little Women. How did you know? And no, it doesn't have anything to do with my ROW80 check-in. It's just on my mind right now--Christmas always reminds me of that book.

I'm pretty well on target this week. Yesterday I wrote 1,651 words, and I plan to do a little writing along with my planning to day to get me to at least 2,500 before tomorrow's writing session. I wrote 1,557 on Sunday so actually managed a decent day's writing after all my procrastination. So really not bad.

I need to put more effort into my planning today than I did on Monday. Monday I just made some notes about what was going to happen in the scene I started writing yesterday, but I didn't dig in to the Act II scenes. I think I'm a little intimidated by the middle section of my novel, so today I'm going to arm myself with a couple of craft books before diving in. Maybe one of Larry Brooks' books, and probably K.M. Weiland's Outlining Your Novel. I'm going to figure out what needs to happen in that middle section, and I'm going to write it! My past failures to get past the first act are not going to hold me back anymore.

So that's where I am today. Feisty and plucky and ready to forge ahead. (I tell myself these things because I think if I keep saying them, they'll become true.)

Oh, in related news before I head back to the planning fields, one other thing happened to me this week. I blame Emily Dickinson. No, really, I do. It's her fault. I know she's there seeming so innocent, all dead and whatnot as she is, but this new development is her fault. Yesterday, my favorite Dickinson poem landed in my inbox. "There's a certain slant of light/on winter afternoons..." As always when this poem crosses my path, I stopped to enjoy it. And it planted a new, distracting story idea in my head (a horror story, too)! That Emily, such a prankster. So I took some time last night to write down the idea with a few notes, and I'm hoping it will leave me be and let me deal with my WIP. Who knows, maybe having a new story to play with just waiting there for me will encourage me to push through this middle section. I'll take any help with that I can get.

A Bit Off the Mark

2011-12-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

This week I fell a little short of my ROW80 goals. Well, sort of.

My goal was to hit 65,000 words by December 22. I'm still well on target to hit that, and I wrote more than enough words on Monday and Tuesday to cover this week's quota. However, I now know that I'm not going to hit story's end at 65K. I'm hoping I'll hit it by 90K. I'm going to push for 90,000 by month's end. I'm also still pushing for finishing the story by the end of the month. But if I'm going to do that, I need to get my act back together.

Monday and Tuesday I wrote lots, of course, to get to 50K and win NaNoWriMo. On Wednesday, I gave myself a day off from the novel to get my November newsletter out, do my check-in blog post, and generally let my brain rest. That day off was planned, so no problem there. Thursday I planned to work on some outlining, and I did that, so that's good. Friday and Saturday were scheduled as writing days. I did not write.

Today is also a writing day. I'm using this blog post as a little bit of a warm-up, then I'm jumping back into my story. I'm not going to push for the whole 3,000 words I had planned for the weekend. I'm going to go for at least 1,200. That's a good day's work, should get me through the current scene and the end of Act I, and should get me warmed up and back in writing mode.

I've also re-evaluated my goals. I'm increasing my weekly word goal from 5,000 to 7,500. This is, in part, to help me get to the finish of the story by the end of the month, but also because 5,000 words a week is a little too easy a goal. 7,500 has a frisson uncertainty to it. It's definitely a do-able goal; the NaNo goal works out to 11,669, and I know I can do that. But 7,500 is going to be just tough enough to make me reach for it a little. And I've realized I do better with some time pressure. Or, as my boyfriend said when I was running this idea by him, "Makes sense. You need it somewhere between 'no problem' and 'no way.'"

Here's my game plan for the coming week, then I'll wrap up this way-too-long post:

Monday-- Planning day

Tuesday-- Writing day

Wednesday-- Planning day

Thursday-- Writing day

Friday-- Reading day (currently reading a book on outlining)

Saturday-- Writing day

Sunday-- Planning day; possible extra writing day

See you Wednesday!

I'm a Winner, Baby...

2011-11-30T10:42:00.000-08:00

so why don't ya kiss me... With huge apologies to Beck for turning his cool song completely dorky and cheesy. But I had to! See:

I suppose that's not actually enough of an ROW80 check-in, is it? I guess I'll write something else here now. But I had to get that out of the way first.

I ended up on this huge writing bender yesterday. I had a hard time getting myself to stop so I could pack things up and go to my write-in. After Monday's very slow, plodding progress, yesterday I flew through over 5,000 words in about 4.5 hours. Except I write in 10 minute bursts with 5-10 minute breaks (depending on if I need to go get more tea or coffee or any other important things like that). So it was a total of 4.5 hours of writing spurts mixed with breaks. It was fast.

It was also fun, but it really threw me for a loop. A couple of really cool new, very minor characters showed up. And I found out that my secondary antagonist is actually a nice guy who just can't help following his older sister's lead. But he's not a bad guy, and that's going to change a few things. This is good, actually. It's going to add a lot later in the story. But I wasn't expecting him to turn out this way.

I also think I'm going to end up way past 90,000 words on this first draft, because I'm at 50K and not at 55% as my little progress bar suggests. That's okay. It will be easier to trim later than add, I hope.

Monday I figured out how my ending is going to happen. I knew what needed to happen but not how I could make it at all plausible. Now I know how that's going to work. And last night, I figured out how my MC is going to get to where she needs to be to make the ending happen. This is kind of exciting!

Today, I need to write my newsletter. And a guest post I promised a friend. But I have my outlining materials sitting next to me to goad me on, because once I get the have-tos done, I get to play with these new ideas, these extra scenes that have cropped up, and all the rest of it and get them into some semblance of order so I can finally get to "the end."

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

2011-11-27T22:03:00.000-08:00

Time for another ROW80 check-in. I've been managing to keep up with the check-ins but haven't been getting to as many blogs as I'd like to these past few weeks. NaNoWriMo eats up a lot of time.

We're in the last few days of November now, and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have about 9,000 words to write in the next three days. This is something I can do. It's getting started each session, getting the first few words down that's always hard for me, but once I start the words flow. So this isn't an excessive amount for me. So I'm expecting a NaNo win.

But honestly, I'm really looking forward to December and getting to the end of the story. I'm seeing some things that are missing, some things that need to be tighter and stronger, some things that need to be added. I really want to get to the end of this story so I can go back and make it good. And I'm looking forward to December 1 because I'm planning to give myself some time during the first few days of the month to do some reworking and deepening of my outline, such as it is. I'm really excited to dive into that and get to some bits that I really didn't understand or know about until now.

Oh! And today I figured out how my ending is going to happen. I had a loose idea of what needed to happen, but no idea how to make it happen plausibly. And today I got it. So I'm really looking forward to getting those intermediate bits in place to make my ending come about.

I have to remember to come back to this excitement within myself after November, when I don't have to rush of writing with thousands of other people to keep me pushing forward. But this time I think I have a good chance of sticking with this and getting to the end. Especially now that I have such a cool ending planned.

Write Away!

2011-11-23T16:29:00.000-08:00

Um, wasn't it just Sunday like two hours ago? These past few days really flew by! It's already ROW80 check-in day. Have I actually done anything to report? Hope so...

I've been getting some writing done, but getting started each day has been a monumental struggle. I spend more time wrestling with myself to get myself settled down and actually writing than I do getting the words down. If I could find some way to get my mind more disciplined, I imagine how much I could get done every day. So far, none of the standard mind training tricks seems to work for me, but I will keep trying. Really, it takes me about an hour to write around 2,000 words. But especially this last week I spend several hours leading up to the actual writing struggling to get myself to sit down and do it.

Some of the reason it's been especially hard getting started this past week is that I'm seeing that something is missing from my story. I'm not quite sure what it is or how to figure it out just yet, and I'm not willing to let myself drift back into planning right now. I'm really worried that once November is over and I don't have the impetus of NaNoWriMo driving me forward, I will lose my momentum and once again not get to the end of my novel. So I'm going to just keep going with what I have, keep pushing forward and try to get to some sort of ending even if it's something that will need a lot of revision later.

It's not all bad news around here. Really, I don't consider any of what I just wrote to be bad news. I'm seeing a pattern of struggling with beginning, so that gives me something to look at and work on. I'm also seeing that making space for planning sessions in between writing sessions might be a really good thing for me to help me know exactly what I want to write next.

I'm also seeing that my natural writing rhythm seems to be bursts of intense writing for a few thousand words, but not necessarily every day. This means that my plan to write 5,000 words a week after November is probably going to work really well. I suspect that I will end up writing 1,500-2,000 words a day a few days a week. This won't mean that I'm not working on my story on the non-writing days, though. Right now when I'm not writing, I find that I have the story in my head almost continuously. I come up with bits of dialogue, a new scene to add in, a reworking of a scene I already planned, etc.

I think my natural rhythm is going to be bouts of writing interspersed with bouts of planning and maybe even some light revision. This feels like something that will work well for me, so this is how I'm going to do things in December at least to see how it feels. I'm not going to do it right now, because I'm so close that I'm not willing to give up on hitting 50K in November to try this new process, though, so I am going to keep pushing the write every day thing just now to get that NaNo win.

I need to add in or change a few other things, too. First, I've adjusted my word goal to 80,000. I can tell that I won't reach the end of the story even as a rough draft in 65,000 words. 80K is seeming much more reasonable.

I also need to work on better eating for energy and general clear headedness and feeling good--I have slipped into junk food because of the ease of getting it and being done with it quickly. And I need to add in some movement, preferably something I can do any time (especially 8 or 9 p.m. when I get a sudden desire to exercise), and preferably something mindless that will let my thoughts wander and play with story bits while I'm exercising. I will be actively working on ways to integrate all of this into my writing life, so there will probably be food and exercise updates sneaking into my ROW80 updates from now on.

That's everything I've figured out lately. I'm looking forward to December so I can start playing with some of these new ideas. But before that I'm looking forward to getting lots and lots of words over the next week so I can get one of those fancy winner badges for my blog!

Too Tired To Be Clever

2011-11-20T20:42:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday night. I haven't written today. I wrote some yesterday, but not much. I'm exhausted, and I can't seem to get myself back up and running.

It's ROW80 check in day. I am tired and don't even know what I want to say. I am behind schedule for NaNoWriMo. My story is feeling strong in the parts I've figured out, but I'm feeling a little (okay, a lot) overwhelmed and lost just now. And so much going on--family gatherings, a beloved kitty who may not be with us much longer. A sinus headache that I believe is now in day three million and eighty-six. Too much going on, and I can't seem to get the space I need to get to my words.

So what's next? Chocolate. But after that, some journaling. And a fresh start tomorrow. And not giving up because even if I don't get any words today, I would need less than 2,200 words a day to hit 50K by the 30th. And honestly, it's the settling down and getting started that is hard for me. Getting that many words is pretty standard for the days I can actually sit myself down and write.

But for now, chocolate and a visit with my novel notebook to journal my plans. And then I keep going because this time...this time I will make it different and I will go beyond just winning NaNoWriMo, I will finish a novel, I will get to the end of the story, and I will actually be a writer and novelist who really does the work. I do not know right now how I'm going to make all of that happen. I do not know the steps in the middle from where I am now to where I plan to go. But I do know that I've spent a lifetime wanting to do it, dreaming of doing it, not doing it, and this time I will make it different and I will do this thing.

Isn't It Ironic?

2011-11-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

Today is check-in day for ROW80. I'm right on target for both my ROW80 and NaNoWriMo goals. So I don't really have a lot to say.

Why is there always so much more to say when things are bumpy? When the road is all uphill, there's plenty to talk about. Right now, though, things are pretty smooth, I have a plan for the next bit I'm going to write, and things are looking good, and while I like reporting those things, I'm finding that it makes for a really short check-in.

I wrote 4,235 words yesterday. This may be helping with my shortage of words today. I also have a really bad headache--probably sinuses due to the cold, wet weather. That may be another part of why I don't have much to say.

Now that I think about it a little more, though, I think a big part of why I don't have much to say right now is that I'm not entirely sure what my next steps are despite what I said above. Sure, I know the very next step is to finish the scene I was in the middle of yesterday. After that, things are a little muddy. I don't have a clear picture of the scenes after this one, and that always makes me uncomfortable. I am always afraid that I won't be able to fill in those blanks. In all honesty, so far I haven't managed to fill in those middle parts of a novel. I have never reached the end of a novel length draft, and while things are going better than in the past, I still don't have that secure feeling of "I can do this, I know how this works."

I know the answer to this dilemma is to just keep moving forward. Keep taking regular breaks to figure out what the next scene is and the key things that will happen in it, and then write it. That has been working so far. And I do have that sketchy outline taking me all the way to the end of the book, so it's not like I'm completely clueless. I just have to get comfortable with only being able to really see a little bit of what's coming up at a time.

“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”

― E.L. Doctorow

It's Sunday Night! Where's My Word Count?

2011-11-13T22:07:00.000-08:00

ROW80 Check-in:

Actually, my word count isn't too bad. I had planned to be caught up by tonight, and I'm not quite there, but I realized a few days ago that it wasn't going to happen that way, so I readjusted my plans to be more realistic, and I'm right where I want to be today.


My keyboard and I are spending a lot more time together lately

I think the best part of this year's NaNoWriMo is that I feel like I'm writing a book. I've done NaNo for several years. I've won several years. It's always been a little more like playing a game than anything else, even though I've always had the dream of being a writer. NaNo somehow felt like a break from my desire to be a "real" writer, something that happened outside my "regular" writing. Not now, though. I really do feel like I'm writing a book. And, for the first time ever, I really feel like I might manage to not just hit 50K but to actually get to the end of a story. Not in 50,000 words; the story is going to be longer than that. But I think this time I know how to get the story to the end. I will have to make sure I keep my motivation going after November, but that's what this group and these check-ins are for, right?

So that's where I am right now. A little behind on my NaNo word count. Right on target to hit my ROW80 goal by December 22. And feeling like I'm a real writer after all.

What's In a Name?

2011-11-09T14:09:00.000-08:00

It's ROW80 check-in time again. Already. Who is stealing all my time?! (November makes me a little time crazy, even more so than usual.)


A rose...not actually by any other name

First my check-in. According to my little word count widget over there on the right, I am 13% to my goal of 65,000 words on my novel by December 22. I'm not exactly sure how many percentages I'm supposed to write every day to make that goal, but I feel like I'm pretty well on target. I'm behind on the NaNoWriMo word count, but I have a good plan in place for catching up by the end of Sunday, and the writing is finally starting to some flow and some speed to it, so I'm not worried about where I am.

I've been using a trick I learned a few years ago from reading an article by Sue Grafton. She said that she keeps a notebook, and before she writes every day, she writes down what she's going to write about (wow, that seems really complicated--I hope that made sense). I have done this in an actual notebook in the past, and I've done it a few different ways. The first try was writing a mini-essay about what that day's writing would involve, but that didn't quite work right for me. After that, I tried listing the next several scenes using a one sentence description for each scene. That was a little better, but sometimes I didn't know what all needed to be in a scene.

Now, I'm doing two things differently. First, I'm writing my list on the computer so I have it to look back on more easily while I'm writing. Second, I'm writing a brief description of my scene, but then I'm making a list of things I want to have happen in that scene. This seems to be working really well for me, so I'm going to keep with it as long as it's still useful.

Now, about those names...The love interest hasn't shown up yet in my story, but I know he's coming. I know he's out there with his lack of a name I really like that really seems to fit him. And it's nagging at me. Who is this guy? I know what he looks like. I know all about his really cool antique motorcycle that he restored himself. I know so much about him. Why won't he tell me his name? He's coming up scene after next! So far he's been Cody and Dylan with a brief stint as Brad (he's really not a Brad!). I am starting to think he's doing this on purpose, and he'd better knock it off, or I'm going to wreck his fancy motorcycle.

And with that, I'm going to go check in and say hi to a few of my fellow ROW80-ers, and then it's writing time for me.

Watch Out For Witches!

2011-11-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

Halloween may have been last week, but that doesn't mean we can't still have witches!

Time for the Sunday ROW80 check-in. Already? Really, the time keeps flying by me. It makes me a little breathless feeling like I need to catch up.

Of course, that's just how I'm perceiving things. I need to breathe a little and relax, I think. I have actually, finally gotten in to my story for NaNoWriMo, but I am still behind where I "should" be. Stupid should word. So much pressure gets tangled up in there. I keep feeling like I need to write thousands and thousands of words in one day to catch up. I need to tell myself it isn't true. The truth is, now instead of 1,667 words a day, I need to write 1,869. About 200 more words a day. Which is not a big deal. So really, I need to calm down about it and just write.

I think the words are warming up now, so just sitting down and writing is probably going to be a lot easier than it was the first few days. And that brings me to those witches. Yesterday, before getting to work on my novel, I decided to do a bit of warm-up writing from a prompt. It started with a description of an old house with peeling paint, and the next thing I knew my main character was part of my warm-up, and she went into the old house through a broken French door, and then, in an upstairs chamber in what seemed to be an abandoned house, she met a witch. Yeah, a witch. In my story about faeries in a modern, urban setting. What's that witch doing there?! I don't know yet. I don't know if she's friend or foe yet. But for now I'm keeping her even though she was completely unplanned, and I'm not entirely sure what to do with her. I wonder if she knows a spell for increasing your word count?

So that's my check-in. I'm going to do a few chores and errands now and then get my 2K this afternoon, and then I'll have some time to go around to some of the other blogs to cheer you all on. Meanwhile, happy writing!

A Brief Excursion Away From NaNoLand

2011-11-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

I remembered on Wednesday that I was supposed to be turning in a painting for the Audubon Society's Wild Arts Festival 6x6 project. Today. I'm just glad it's a small painting and that I remembered it before the actual due date.

Needless to say, my writing has been mostly on hiatus the past two days while I started and finished this little mixed media bird painting. I call it "Listen."


"Listen"Mixed media: paper, acrylic paint, oil pastel, ink

And now that that's done (I'll be delivering it in a few hours), I can get back to the writing. I had a burst of inspiration last night and plotted/sketched out several scenes, so today I am going to write 2,000 words, and all the work computers with viruses and random distractions around me are just going to have to step aside and leave me alone with my novel!

Whose Idea Was This, Anyhow?

2011-11-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

Oh. This writing a novel thing was my idea. I guess I'll go stand in front of the mirror and point a finger at myself then.

You might have already guessed that this year's NaNoWriMo adventure isn't going very well. I wouldn't even be updating about it right now except that it's ROW80 check-in day. The most frustrating part is that it's entirely my fault that things aren't going well.

I started my prep strongly in late September. I did lots of preliminary work for a couple of weeks, and then I got to the part where I was supposed to be doing in-depth outlining. And I stalled. And I stayed stalled for the rest of October. On top of that, I completely forgot my plan to do writing practice from prompts to get me back in the swing of doing creative fiction writing.

Now here I am at November 2. A bit over 500 words under my belt and feeling stiff and uninspired. And worse yet incapable. I haven't been writing fiction, or even random creative snippets, for a long time now, and yet I somehow expected myself to jump right into NaNo and start writing a novel.

So what to do? I can't exactly drop out of NaNo. I'm one of the municipal liaisons for my area. I also don't want to do what I've done in the past and write such crap that it really isn't fixable without completely rewriting it. What's the point in that?

I guess I'm going to spend some time over the next few days working with prompts but writing them using my current characters and settings. Then I can possibly fit those bits into the novel, at least, plus maybe I'll get my words warmed up so I can get on with the novel writing. I'm also going to keep working the system from Write Your Novel in 30 Days. According to their calendar, I'm not actually behind! I like that. I'll keep it.

I'm also going to do some reading. I've been busy the past six weeks or so and have read very little fiction. I miss it, and possibly more important right now, I think reading good stories will help me remember how to write them.

That's all I have to report. A slow start, a lot of whining, a vague plan that may or may not let me reach my goal and write 50,000 words in November and finish the novel by December 22. But a maybe is better than a no way, right?

The Calm Before the Storm

2011-10-30T18:54:00.000-07:00

Two days 'til the start of NaNoWriMo 2011. I don't feel ready! I've stalled on my planning the past two weeks, and now I'm feeling frantic. I also know feeling frantic won't be useful, so I'm going to get my head on straight here so I can do something useful with these last hours before November 1.

I'm clearly not going to get much more of an outline done than what I already have. And what I have is not that bad, really. I have a fifteen point, sketchy, start-to-finish outline. That really is pretty good. So what I'm going to do tonight and tomorrow is just write out some questions for each of those points, things that I'll need to figure out in each section. I'm going to read through a couple of article's in Writer's Digest's Write Your Novel in 30 Days. I'm going to make a list of things I want to have happen in my first scene. And then I'm going to stay calm and let the words flow as they will.

Writing, Writers, Written

2011-10-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

Has it been a month? I have no idea where the time went! Actually, that's not true. The time went to working on novel plans, reading about novel planning and outlining, gearing up for NaNoWriMo, and many other noveling type activities:

Yep, it's that time of year again, lots of words and lots of event planning as one of the MLs for my region.

Oh, and I had a birthday in there with a fun outing to take photos at historic cemeteries:

Historic Columbian Cemetery, Portland, Oregon

I also had something of an epiphany over the course of the last month. I realized that I really enjoy the coaching work I've been learning. I want to be a creativity coach. But it isn't my number one passion. My number one passion is writing, and I haven't been giving it the attention it deserves in part because I somehow gave myself the idea that to be a coach that had to be my number one passion and get almost all of my time and attention with everything else--including writing--getting what was left over.

And I realized that this isn't working for me. Really, I knew for a while that how I'm doing things isn't working for me. But I didn't quite realize that I had this attitude about coaching and writing and their places in my life. When this came fully into my consciousness, I was so surprised! I knew right away this wasn't the right way of thinking about this and running things, not for me. So I have given myself permission to do what needs to be done for my coaching--take classes, write my newsletter, start building up my website, open things up for clients. But I also gave myself permission to read all of the writing books and excellent stories I want--all the ones that inspire me and make me want to grab a pen and write things down. I get to spend as much time as I want playing with my writing. This feels so exciting! I am happy with this.

This time of year, the writing is easy, too, so that makes all of this even more exciting. But as always I'm thinking ahead to the non-NaNo parts of the year and wondering what to do when my enthusiasm flags. And I think I might have found something for that. It's a writing challenge called A Round of Words in 80 Days (ROW80). You get to set your goal for the 80 day time period. You check in twice a week to report your progress and see how everyone else is doing. And this challenge repeats throughout the year, so there's always someone to check in with and help with that motivation thing.

Writing and ROW80 Goals

First my overall writing goal: I intend to write and revise my current novel, Ordinary Girl, get it to readers for feedback and do more revisions (repeating that two or three times as needed), and have it ready to pitch to one of the agents at next year's Willamette Writer's Conference which is August 3-5, 2012.

For this round of ROW80 which ends December 22: I intend to write 65,000 words between now and then. My hope is that this will give me a complete if somewhat sketchy first draft to add to and revise come January. After NaNoWriMo is over, I intend to write 5,000 words a week. Some weeks I may write five days, some I may only write three. My schedule tends to be shifty, so I'm going to try out a weekly word count goal instead of a daily writing goal.

On a final note, I've stopped reading The Artist's Way. I am continuing the daily pages as I find those really useful, but I still can't get into the exercises like affirmations and some of the other things. So once again I will set it aside with the possibility of a revisit at some point down the road.

Thanks for sticking with me 'til the end here everyone. Stay tuned for novel updates--they will be coming!

A Fine Finish

2011-09-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've written here before about how fall makes me feel very productive, like I want to work on projects, get creative, get things done. This year, I've decided to really put those fall feelings to good use.

Over at MuseCraft, I've started a little blog circle so that we can come together, make a plan, and get things done between now and the end of the year. I'm calling it Fall Finishers, and I hope lots of people will jump in with me so we can end this year with a flourish. Are you in?

CC image courtesy of kaichanvong on Flickr, some rights reserved

While I'm running the circle over at MuseCraft, I'm going to use this blog to keep track of my plans since I intend to work on personal projects for this. So here's my starting point:

By the end of the year:

I want to finish the first draft on my novel in progress, Ordinary Girl.

That's it. That's where I want to keep my focus for the next three months. I have other things I'll be working on, things for my coaching business and things for cleaning and organizing my house. But this is the biggie, the creative dream that I'm going to make come true this year.

I hope you'll join in. I think having a group of people planning together and encouraging each other is going to make this lots of fun and also really help us make these dreams real. So, see you at MuseCraft? I'll be the one getting a novel written!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Immersion Therapy

2011-09-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

Today, Jamie asks us, "What do you wish to immerse yourself in?"

Mmmm...doesn't the word "immerse" just make you instantly feel like you're sinking in and being engulfed and surrounded and held so splendidly? That's how it makes me feel. It's a beautiful, welcoming word to me.

So what do I wish? I want to immerse myself in my story. Sink into that world, those streets, those lives--those places they go and the views they see and the air they breathe. I want to sink into my story world and let it take me over as much as I can and push everything else aside so I can live there and follow my people and see what is happening next.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Guidance

2011-09-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

I have been absent from Wishcasting the past few weeks because I'm busy, busy, over-busy! I was going to skip this week, too, because I have three million things to do today. But Jamie's question really stirred an answer in me, so I'm going to write it down really quickly.

CC image courtesy of geebee2007 on Flickr

The question this week is, "What guidance do you wish for?" And I have a silly answer that I'm serious about. I want guidance for how to write my novel. Really write it from start to finish, not with big gaps in the middle, not leaving it dangling partway through. I want to know what to do first, and then next, and then next after that so I don't get so overwhelmed with how big the task is and just give up on the whole thing. That's what I want guidance for.

I am hoping for some time to get to read everyone's wishes. Until then, know that with all my heart I am wishing for you what you are wishing for yourself.

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Novels, NaNo, and No Organization

2011-09-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have been mentally lax for such a long time now I can't seem to get my mental muscles back in shape. I'm participating--in a fashion--in the #novelengage Twitter chat Lani Diane Rich of StoryWonk started. It's a great idea, this engaging daily with your novel even if it's for a short time. Before I went to Chicago I was doing pretty well. Since I've been back, I just can't seem to get back in the swing of things.

It's okay, though. I have a plan. Sunday I started reading Larry Brooks'(of Storyfix.com) book Story Structure--Demystified. I really like the way he breaks everything down. Most if not all of it is stuff I've picked up in various places or just through my own observations about storytelling, but Mr. Brooks does a great job of clarifying the stages of storytelling. I also like the breakdown of how much of your novel should be part 1, part 2, etc. He even gives some info on approximately how many scenes should be in each section. That's really useful stuff for a newbie who's never finished a novel length work and has never actually outlined one, either.

So I'm going to finish reading the book, writing down the story ideas it's stirring up for me, and then I'm going to actually write down my outline ideas. I'm going to push myself to not panic because I don't have all of my key scene ideas yet--I'm just going to do the parts I know and then worry about filling in the rest. I'm going to keep writing my morning/daily pages to help me control the anxiety that keeps stopping me. This week, I am going to stop freezing up because of things that might happen and just do something, anything to move myself along.

Plotting, Pages, and Pantsing

2011-09-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that Jamie Ridler is doing this September morning pages check-in. It's really been helping me dive back in to my daily pages because when I've been tempted to skip them I remember that I told people I was going to do them every day in September. And then I sit down, pick up my pen, and get them written.

And because I've been doing my pages for a few days in a row now, I'm starting to dig in to things I need to be focusing on or working on or thinking about.

First, I've been contemplating my writing, especially how I write. My natural tendency in writing is to be a pantser (you know, writing by the seat of your pants not knowing what's going to happen next). This is fun. It also doesn't work for me. I have yet to finish a novel length work this way. I always peter out partway through, and a big part of this is because I don't have any ideas for what's going to happen next or where I'm trying to go.

I don't every want to plot out every little thing that's going to happen--I think that would bore me and keep me from writing the story because I would already know everything. But it's become clear to me that I need to do more planning than I have in the past to help me get where I want to be as a writer. I really need to have a solid foundation of major points in place before I write. That way, even though I might not know exactly how each scene will play out until I write it, I'll have an idea of what each big scene will be about. Now I have to figure out a good way to do this sort of planning I think I need if I'm going to manage to actually finish a novel. So tonight, after I write this, I'm hunkering down with a bunch of books and notes and websites and piece together something that feels right for me.

A lot of my daily pages the past few days have been about my writing and what I need to do to be the writer I want to be. But I also dredged up some interesting questions that I realized were bothering me enough that they were keeping me away from my daily pages.

See, I used to write in a journal constantly. I had it with me all the time, along with my arsenal of colored pens, and I would write little bits and pieces here and there plus sit down to really long writing sessions almost every day. But that was "journaling" or, after I read Natalie Goldberg's writing books, "writing practice." There was a lot of similarity to morning pages because I did a lot of stream-of-consciousness writing, but there was always the intention of keeping those journals, maybe perusing them at a later time to search out little nuggets of really good description or dialogue or something that I might want to use later.

The morning pages seem to me to be throwaway pages. They aren't journal pages or writing practice to be kept and possibly used or at least appreciated later. And I find that I don't like that idea. I don't like them being just a brain dump with no other purpose. And so I've given myself permission to do things like play with rhymes and scenery descriptions if I want to and if that's what's on my mind when I sit down to write. And I'm doing the daily pages in my regular journal along with anything else I feel like sticking in there. I feel that I'm getting a lot of benefit from doing the pages (as you can see above), so I don't want to get hung up on what is probably, in the end, a really minor bit of semantics.

Morning Pages Reboot

2011-09-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have fallen away from my morning pages. Again. For a few weeks, I fell away from pretty much everything except the daily necessities--work, food, exercise, sleep. Last week I was in Chicago for eight days visiting my mother in the nursing home. She's doing great and will be going home next Friday after a bit more physical therapy, but getting ready for the trip when I didn't know if she was going to be okay, plus the travel itself, plus a death in the family here at home while I was gone left me completely frazzled.

But today is a new day. And the start of a new month. And like a brilliant fairy godmother, Jamie Ridler sailed in with a morning pages group check-in for September. How perfect is that timing?

So I'm in. I'm stepping back into my daily pages (because I still don't do well when I try to do them in the morning). I'm stepping back into reading The Artist's Way. I'm stepping back into my novel. I'm stepping back into my life and taking it forward again. There's a lot to do, many tasks involved in setting myself back on my path and moving ahead, but as I always do I will start with the words and go from there. Thank you, Jamie, for this perfect idea at the perfect time!

The Artist's Way--Checking In

2011-08-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

I'm a little behind

I have fallen so far behind...I have kept up with the daily pages, although I have missed some days. I gave myself a sort of artist date last week by gathering art journal supplies, piling onto the bed with kitties, movies, snacks and my toys and playing for several hours.

I am not sure how much time I am going to have to put in to this work, but I still don't want to give up. I can see the benefits from doing the journaling, so I can only think that doing all of the work will be even better. Right now, though, I am dealing with having to make an unplanned, semi-emergency trip back home. My mother has been back in the hospital for two weeks and they are getting ready to move her to a nursing home. I don't know if that will be permanent. Lots of decisions to be made, lots of research into facilities, lots of stress and anxiety and trying to figure out what I will do with all of her things if the nursing home has to be permanent... Right now I am getting overwhelmed very easily and can't find it in my head space to add in anything, even work like TAW that I want to be doing.

I have been doing some work on my novel planning, and I think part of the reason that has come back to me is because of the daily pages. They help me see what's happening inside my head and address it, and I think that has opened my story to me again. I'm really happy about that because I love the world I created for this story, and there's a comfort to being back there.

That's it for now. Maybe next check-in I'll have a bit of progress to report.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Open Doors

2011-08-03T15:53:00.000-07:00

Ah, I am so frazzled and short on time and focus, but I really feel the need today to have a little bit of my normal routine, my Wishcasting community, a little bit of calm. So here I am.

This week, Jamie asks us, "What door do you wish to open?"

The instant I read this, an answer popped into my mind. "The door to adventure." I don't exactly know what that means yet. But that's my answer, and I'm sticking with it. I thought about changing it, finding something else, something somehow "more acceptable." But "the door to adventure" is what I want.

What might it mean? More travel maybe? I would love to see the Southwestern dessert, New York City, New England in the fall, England, Scotland, France, Egypt, the Serengeti. I would like to try sea kayaking, go whale watching in the San Juans, learn to surf. I would like to hike in the mountains, fly kites at the sea shore.

I would like to strike out on my own, away from this day-to-day drudgery and have my own real life full of creativity and doing worthwhile things and answering to my own inner boss and being on my own schedule.

I would like to explore small country towns with crowded, dusty antique stores and bring home treasures.

I would like to photograph ancient ruins and modern ruins and people on the street and birds in the sky.

I would like to have adventures.

And now a side note: I will try to get to blogs and read and comment, but I may not be able to make it happen. Please know that I wish you great big lots of opened doors! As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

August!

2011-08-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

I love August. I may have mentioned this before--I don't remember. But I really love August. August through October is my favorite time of year, and for me it always stirs up desires to start something new.

Of course, I just started something new mid-July. I decided to go forward on that whispered wish to lose weight, and I joined SparkPeople (which I know I mentioned in my last post). And I'm loving it! This is an amazing site. If you have fitness goals, check it out. It's even free!

Anyhow, I set some goals for myself for August. Not just fitness goals but a mix of self-care goals. And I did a quick art journal page about it and wanted to put it up here where I can keep coming back to it:

Happy August everyone!

Let's Get Physical

2011-07-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

In 2007, I lost 60 lbs. And then I hurt myself, had to go to physical therapy, an osteopath, all sorts of exciting things, all of them painful and keeping me away from exercise (partially out of fear of another injury if we're going for full disclosure here). And I'm still dealing with the aftermath of all of that. And I gained all 60 lbs. back. For the past several months, I've been feeling miserable. I've been feeling hopeless with a huge side helping of it's too late for me.

Where I am, and where I really want to get away from.

On Tuesday, I decided to look around a bit, see if I could find some way to gather my resources and give it one more try. I started slowly, planning for this week to be about getting my kitchen in order, maybe making some menus, finding my workout clothes, things like that. Then something reminded me of a website I had seen a while back--SparkPeople. And I tracked my food on Tuesday. And then I did it again yesterday and today. And I set a few goals, and I've been following through fairly easily.

Oh, and today I did a really good workout--the first segment from The Biggest Loser 30 Day Jumpstart. I am a little bit sad that 15 minutes of exercise is hard work, but since I haven't done much of anything in the past three years it makes sense. It's really hard to not get sucked into thoughts that I'm going to be heavy and weak and tired forever. I have never been thin, so I don't know what it's like or what I'm aiming for, so it's easy to think that overweight is all there is. But I really want to at least be less overweight, to be stronger, to be able to do more things. So I guess that's what I'm going to focus on over at SparkPeople and here when I write about my BodyPages stuff.

Wish me luck, everyone. I'm jumping back in the weight loss pool!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Try, Try Again

2011-07-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

This week, Jamie asks us, "What do you wish to try?" Huh. I'm not sure. My mind is spinning around, hovering near serious things and then twirling off to frivolous things...

I want to try surfing. And sea kayaking. Ballroom dancing. Sewing a dress. Knitting a sweater. Making puff pastry from scratch. Making my grandmother's strudel recipe and my great aunt's nut roll.

Tiny whisper: I want to try losing weight again.

Lots of things, scattered everywhere. I guess I want to try everything, or all the cool, fun things at least. Guess I should get started on that!

TAW Check-In

2011-07-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

I am still in Chapter 1. I have been very resistant, but I think I'm finally getting through that. But it means that I'm a bit behind where I wanted to be right now, even with our nice, relaxed, two-weeks-per-chapter schedule. Ah, well. I will eventually catch up.

One of the things I am looking closely at right now from Chapter 1 is this sentence: "Most of the time when we are blocked in an area of our life, it is because we feel safer that way." There's a huge, loud, "YES!" echoing inside me when I read this. So I am working on journaling about why and how moving out of these unhappy, stuck places feels unsafe. I think this is a really important point for me--I think this preference for safety is keeping me stuck in all the places in my life where I feel stuck and unhappy and trapped. So I may be taking more time still with Chapter 1, but I think that might just be okay.

Daily Pages are happening intermittently. They're happening more days than not, so it's progress. I am planning my next artist date for this coming Sunday--not sure what I'm going to pick yet, so you'll just have to quiver in anticipation until next week when I report in!

Affirmations. I hate them. They feel stilted and stupid in my head and on my tongue, and I just can't find any that don't annoy me because they feel silly. Working on it, but really not doing much with that. This resistance may be because I really need these, though, so I am going to continue working on them, trying to find something that doesn't make me feel dumb when I write or say it.

More later in the week probably. I'm finding myself finally really reading the book and starting to do things instead of just poking at it half-heartedly, so I think there may be more to say soon.

Edit: The fears that are still with me after working through some of them:

I will do bad work and be laughed at
I will have only one good piece of work in me (so I have to make sure whatever I finally work on to completion is REALLY, REALLY good because it might be the only good piece I ever do, or maybe even the only piece I ever finish)
It's too late. If I haven't become a fully functioning, writing writer yet, I never will

Don't know how to deal with these yet, but there they are, aired out for all the world to see.

Blood Orange Tea

2011-07-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

Today I went on my first artist date for my TAW work. I went to a local yarn store, Twisted, where I overloaded my senses looking at and touching dozens of skeins of gorgeous yarn, looked at dozens of patterns, and drank a cold glass of blood orange iced tea. Honestly, I'm not sure which part of that was the best, but the blood orange tea was definitely an unexpected pleasure.

New project bag and fortune cookie accessory holder with some yarns from my stash

I haven't been doing my morning/daily pages the past few days. I plan to do a little tonight before bed to get me back to it--my goal will be to just do some writing. I'll get back to an actual page count tomorrow. But weekends make it so easy to get off track!

As for the artist date, I had a good time, but when I was getting ready to go I felt really odd about it. I'm not even sure why. If I had just been going over there to do some shopping, I can't imagine I would have felt odd. So why did calling it an artist date make me feel odd about it? Maybe I am still not comfortable with the "artist" title? This is something I'll have to look at a little more closely.

This coming week I have a lot of writing planned, but I also plan to do a couple of the exercises from Chapter 1, so I'm sure I'll have things to say about that later.

Now, about those weekend pictures I promised from last week. Here's one of my favorites--Oregon Coast, Battle Rock City Park:

You can see the rest of the photos here: Oregon Coast Trip July, 2011

Window to the Stars

2011-07-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

So I didn't get the beach and weekend pictures organized yet. You'll have to wait to see those--I hope no one is too disappointed. Meanwhile, though, here's a little something pretty to pacify you:

I was just playing around over at Picnik because they announced a new filter set in honor of today's last ever space shuttle launch. Of course I had to try them out, and I ended up really loving the colors and swirls I got, so I'm sharing. Doesn't it look like some sort of fairy gate? I think it does!

Photos and Wishes, Gardens and Progress

2011-07-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

Nope, that title doesn't make that much sense. But it's what this is all about, so I'm okay with that.

Let's start with Wishcasting. This week, Jamie asks, "What do you wish to make progress on?"

There's a list, but there is also one item on that list that is way out in front of the other contenders, so that made this an easy answer. I wish to make progress on my novel, Ordinary Girl.

Now for the gardens. This week at 52 Photos Project the prompt is "in the garden." I don't have a really recent photo because I don't have a garden and don't get out to flowery places very often. But I do have a favorite flower photo (okay, I guess it's considered a weed, but I don't care!), so I'm sharing it:


An up close and personal look at some Queen Anne's Lace

And finally, a shot from last week's photo promt, "the blue hour." It was gray and rainy every day up until the end of the week, so I couldn't get a shot for this. It cleared up just in time for me to be heading out of town. I got a great photo out at the coast but didn't get things together after coming home to post in time. But after all the trouble I went through to get a good shot, I'm sharing it anyhow. Hope you don't mind!


A glowing night sky over our encampment

I'll share pictures and stories from my weekend and more TAW stuff on Friday. Have a great week until then!

Home and Happy

2011-07-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

I was away for the holiday weekend, so I'm a day late in my TAW check-in. But I thought I'd do a quick one now and more later tomorrow when I'm more alert.

I'll be getting started reading Chapter 1 tomorrow. I've been doing daily pages, although I didn't do them over the weekend. I was camping with a lot of people at a medieval and Renaissance re-creation event, so it just didn't work out. But I plan to get back to it tomorrow because I really noticed last week when I was doing it every day that after writing my mind felt much more settled and focused. It's a habit I definitely want to have back in my life.

And now, after four days of traveling, sun, beaches, fun and friends, I am worn out and heading to bed.

Contract In Person

2011-06-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

I decided I wanted a printed out, arted up contract to hang somewhere that I'll see it every day. I'm debating whether that will be someplace at home so I'll see it on weekends, too, or if it will be here at work where I will see it most days for long periods of time. In the end, I may do two so I can have them in both places.

Here's the one I did today. If I do another, I'll probably share a photo of that later.

What you can't tell, even in person, but what is possibly my favorite part of this piece is that the background is a really cool, old wooden door. It's like this contract is showing me the way to a door that is waiting for me to open it and step through.

Edit: I ended up not putting it on the cool background I had waiting at home because I was suddenly inspired to do it RIGHT NOW while I was sitting at my desk at work, so I just pulled out the supplies I keep on hand at work and did it with what I had on hand.

Contract Signing and Starting Thoughts

2011-06-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

This is all about loving myself and doing something I need!

Contract

I, Kim, understand that I am undertaking an intensive, guided encounter with my own creativity. I commit myself to the twelve-week duration of the course. I, Kim, commit to weekly reading, daily morning pages, a weekly artist date, and the fulfillment of each week's tasks.

I, Kim, further understand that this course will raise issues and emotions for me to deal with. I, Kim, commit myself to excellent self-care--adequate sleep, diet, exercise, and pampering--for the duration of the course.

Signed: Kim
Date: June 25, 2011

I'm going to print this out and glue it to a cool, painted background I made months ago, then I'm going to hang it on my board in my studio.

Signing the contract--easy. Now to get down to the work.

Morning pages for me are going to be pages that happen later in the day. As I mentioned in my first post about this project, trying to do them in the morning derails me. I love the romantic image in my head of myself as writer, getting up, taking my coffee to my desk, and writing in the early morning light. I hope someday to work from home so I can make that happen. But now, with a day job, it just doesn't work for me. I'm going to be a little more Natalie Goldberg than Julia Cameron on this one and just write and write until pages are filled, but I'm going to do it whenever and wherever it fits each day. (As an aside, did you know that Natalie Goldberg and Julia Cameron did a project together? It's called The Writing Life, and it's an audio presentation.)

Artist Dates!

I also realized as I was reading the introduction in The Artist's Way that I need to plan ahead for my artist dates or they're never going to happen. I mean way ahead, not just, "This week I will go to such-and-such." I am going to work on a list of artist dates today so I always have a lot of things to choose from each week when it's time to make my plan. I've already started the list and found that cool, independent toy stores are really appealing to me for this right now, so I think my first artist date may be to one of those.

Those are my thoughts after reading the introduction. I'm going to go have a bit of breakfast and do my morning pages--and it's even still morning here! More later, I'm sure...

Starting Over

2011-06-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

How many times in my life have I said those words? How many times have I said them then did nothing as my appointed "starting over" time came and went? How many times a new start that fizzled out before the week was through? And yet, here I am saying them again.

One thing I have going for me--I don't tend to give up. I may get discouraged and step away from a goal for a while, but I never give up. I see this in my writing, and I see this in my desire to lose weight.

This is about the weight thing. But there's more to this than just wanting/needing to lose weight. Way more, and I think if I'm ever going to be happy in my body I'm going to have to spend a lot more time than I ever have on the stuff that isn't about eating and exercising. And I'm going to do that in my journal, and I'm going to do that here, because way too many of us are wrestling with our bodies and how we feel about them. I'm going to do my BodyPages here where other people can see and comment and maybe join in.

I'm not going to spend time on fat acceptance (or whatever name you want to give it). I think it's pretty fabulous to feel great at any size. I am awed by people who have learned to do this. I am not comfortable at my size, and I want to change it; I do not accept it. I do want to learn to like myself more, but I also want to lose weight. I don't want to not be able to do physical activities and be physically uncomfortable because of my weight any more. I no longer feel like I must be a really thin, petite, tiny thing to be attractive (sadly some of that is because I seem to feel that since I'm older I just can't be really gorgeous any more no matter how much weight I lose, but I'll be seeing about that). So I think I may end up being really comfortable and happy at a weight that at one point in my life I thought was horribly fat.

So what do I want?

I want to lose 140 lbs. (maybe more, but that puts me at the high end of my desired target zone, and if I get there then I can see if I want to do more).
I want to be able to hike to the top of the Fairy Falls which I did once ten years ago.
I want to be able to find more than one or two pairs of pants a season that fit me
I want beautiful, colorful clothes that I love
I want to learn to surf
I want to move gracefully, easily, without pain and discomfort and WITHOUT worrying about whether or not I'll fit in a given space I want to pass through
I want to fly comfortably and not be miserable and in pain for the next several days after squeezing myself into an airplane seat
I want to go on really long bike rides to cool picnic spots and around this beautiful city so I can get great photos
I want to go on photo walks all the time and not just once or twice a year when I can manage to muster the energy and work myself up to it and without having to do almost nothing for three days after to recover because I'm exhausted
I want to go out in public without constantly feeling self-conscious and embarrassed and uncomfortable
I want to dance
I want to feel sexy
I want energy

Will I get what I want? I don't know. I do know that if I don't do something, take some small steps and then repeat them tomorrow and the day after and the day after that, then I won't even approach any of the things on my list. So I have to do something and at least make some progress and move forward a bit, and if I don't hit the exact mark I'm aiming for, at least if I've done something I'll land in a better place than I am right now.

Yesterday, I did a 13 minute bellydance workout. It was hard. It was fun. I am embarrassed at admitting that some of it was hard. I am glad it was fun. I'm going to do it again today. I'm going to do more of a warm-up for my feet and ankles, though, because they got tight and sore and I had to do quick stretches to loosen them up. And I got scared, because with all the trouble I've had with my feet, ankles, legs these past four years, I was a little panicky that I was going to injure myself. And it's good to know that I actually have that much anxiety about it, because I didn't realize that was going on, so now I can work on that and maybe let myself move more and enjoy it. I wonder how much of not exercising over the past two years, after some of my injuries were somewhat better, has been because of these fears?

Anyhow, that's where I am right now. I'm going to dance. A little bit. Most days but not every day. And I'm going to do a lot of reading and writing about food and hopefully figure out what will be best for me eating-wise. And I'm going to write a lot here, and I hope this is interesting and maybe even helpful to someone else.

52 Photos Project--Words About Me

2011-06-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

It couldn't be more perfect. This (madly altered and played with) shot came from my calendar today. Sometimes I think I start almost all of my sentences with "I wonder." "I wonder why hummingbirds fly straight up and down like that?" "I wonder why they chose that logo for their truck?" "I wonder what that big machine is for?" And so on. I am a wildly curious sort of person, so "I wonder" is my pet phrase, and then here it was on my daily calendar on a day I was looking for words that express who I am. Kismet, I tell you! Serendipity! Or perhaps just a really easy assignment for me this week. ;)

Wishcasting Wednesday--Summer, Summer, Summer!

2011-06-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

I used to love summer. Maybe some of that was because of the freedom of being out of school, although I was also one of those kids who, by mid-July, was actively planning and longing for the start of the new school year. I also used to love the sun, putting on my bathing suit and tanning in the yard, fully equipped with suntan lotion, magazines and books, sunglasses, music and a cool drink.

Now? I hate it. I don't have appropriate summer clothes because I can't stand to not be covered up, plus it's really hard to find things in my size so shopping, especially for summer clothes, is a nightmare (doubly so with my foot, ankle and leg problems because I can scarcely find shoes that don't hurt my feet let alone cute, summer sandals!). I feel awkward and ungainly going out in public, and it's worse in summer because there's just not enough fabric to the clothing to offer me much armor. And then it stays light longer, so there's not even the comfort of the cover of darkness! I hate summer (oh when did the beach loving, dreams of living in California girl turn to this?!). Bring on autumn with it's crisp air and beautiful colors and darker evenings and cozy, concealing clothing.

Ah, this whole post makes me sad. I wanted to skip Wishcasting this week, but I have promised myself that I'm going to talk more about my body issues and wanting to hide all the time, and then Jamie popped up with this summer question, and it was clearly a good place to dive in.

This week, Jamie's question is, "What do you wish for this summer?" What do I wish for? To find a way to be comfortable in my skin and my clothes and my shoes so I can just let go and enjoy the warm breezes and bright sun (if they ever arrive here in rainy Portland) and the long days and relaxed nights...I wish for some of that summertime joy that I used to have when I was young.

A Classic, Revisited

2011-06-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

I have a confession. I haven't actually read The Artist's Way. Not all of it, not in full. I read the first part, and I skimmed through the last half many years ago, when the book first came out. I started doing some of the exercises, but I stalled out, and I have rather aggressively resisted going back to it every since.

Why? Morning pages. I hate morning pages. They make me angry and resentful, and they make me feel guilty. Guilty because I don't actually do them, not after the first few days, and then I feel like a failure and I sink into feeling miserable for a while and then I give the whole thing up as a bad idea. I am not a morning person. I don't even want to be a morning person. And, no matter my intentions when I go to sleep, my semi-conscious morning brain will have me repeatedly hitting the snooze button and eking out those last precious moments of sleep rather than getting up earlier to write. And then I feel guilty and horrible because I didn't write my morning pages, and then pretty soon I just let it all slip from my mind, and I just stop. I know this is how it goes for me because I have tried to do TAW several times, and this has happened each time.

So I gave it up, although I fairly regularly have little, niggling thoughts that I should try it again. I've read several of Julia Cameron's other books, and I like and find inspiration in much of what she says, but those morning pages! They stop me cold.

But now I'm looking to tread the TAW path again, this time with company. Paula of Happysnappy (Don't you just love that name?! It makes me happy every time I see it!) has started a blog circle to work through the book together. And I've decided I'm joining in.

I wasn't going to. I have lots of other things going on. I've already read lots of other books on creativity. And then there's my morning page problem. But. This is perhaps the seminal work in my industry, so I feel like doing this work is something I should experience. And I don't like failing. So I'm doing it.

I'm doing it my way, though. I'm doing it the way that will actually work for me, that will let me fully sink into the exercises and the process. So I'm breaking some of Ms. Cameron's rules, and I don't really care. I'm going to do my morning pages later in the day, although on weekends and days off I may do them first thing. Most of the time, I'll probably use them as a transition and warm-up point when I'm ready to settle down to my writing or other creative work of the day. I'm also going to do them, and quite a lot of the other work, on the computer, at least most of the time (I might use 750 Words some of the time--it's really kind of fun). This is what is most convenient and comfortable for me. This is what will let me actually fit this into my normal life. This is what will let me succeed, so I'm doing it my way.

Plotting Along

2011-06-16T16:03:00.000-07:00

I'm a writer. I'm sure somewhere in the fine print it says that I get to make bad puns and plays on words.

Seriously, though, I am plotting right along. Slowly, in and amongst other things going on in my world, but I am managing to return to my story on a regular basis. And this isn't a frenzied, NaNoWriMo sort of immersion, either. It's becoming part of what I do every week. "This is what I do--I go to work, grocery shop, plan and cook dinners, work on my story." It's nice, having my writing start to turn into one of my regular things.

Right now, I'm working on my major plot points and twists. I've used Aristotle's Incline and the three act structure in the past. Right now, I'm working with Dan Wells' 7-point System (you can get a Power Point presentation or watch a video presentation of it--both are linked from that page). I'm liking this because it's helping me put a few more important things in place, but I'm still not getting so bogged down in planning that there's no story left to write.

My basic idea for the story is good. A few of the things that I thought of and wrote down are still going to be in the story. But I'm really starting this over from scratch, from the ground up, and that's exciting. I think this time I know more about what this story needs, so I think I can make it good. But not if I keep writing this blog post instead of working on the story, so I'm out of here.

Wishcasting and 52 Photos--Windows to Delight

2011-06-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today, I actually took a look at a website I'd seen referenced on several blogs. I'm so glad I did, too. The timing was perfect. I keep drifting away from taking photos regularly even though I really want to do it, but I also keep getting overwhelmed when I try to join in on group projects or classes. But this--the 52 Photos Project--this is perfect. It's very much like Wishcasting--participate in weeks that work for you, but if you miss a week no one will complain. It's a fabulous project, and I'm thrilled that I found it.

This week the prompt is "What's outside the window?" I didn't have my camera with me, so I used my cell phone to grab a quick photo of what's outside the window of my office:

I moved the blinds aside and took another one, but this shot is my favorite, so this is what I'm using this week.

And this answers this week's Wishcasting for me, a bit, too. The question is "What delights do you wish for?" I wish for the delights you can find every day if you just have time to go out and look for them. And that's something I want to do with my camera--find the beautiful, special things that are around me every day. I want to delight in beautiful fabrics and lovely decorations and playing kitties and music that stirs my heart.

And that's it. It's all that simple. It's all about giving time and attention to the things we want to enjoy. And that's what I'm hoping for with my camera and in my life.

And since I'm really late today and don't know if I will manage to get around to everyone's blogs: As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

It's All In My Head

2011-06-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things that happens when I'm writing is when the story really takes hold and is in my head all the time.

My head

That's happening right now with Ordinary Girl. I've been going over what I wrote four years ago. Some of it is story, none of it is anything I want to keep so far, so I've started looking at it as more of pre-writing, discovery writing material. And that seems to be working. I'm thinking about my characters almost all of the time, even when I'm doing other things. Little story tidbits keep popping into my head. And today I woke up almost two hours before my alarm because I suddenly knew what I needed to be doing with the old writing and my current writing to get it all flowing together so I can start actually writing the story. Very exciting!

I am tempted to just jump right in and write what I know so far, but it's not really that much. I know if I put more effort in over the next few days, I'll actually have a solid base to take off from. But I am definitely champing at the bit and ready to go!

Before I move on to today's work, though, here's a nifty list of links to blog posts and a podcast all about using collage as part of your story planning. It's something I've wanted to play with but haven't done too much. With this inspiration, though, I think I'm going to use it for OG, especially for the parts that are about Greenvale (my personal, made up city) because I intend to set other stories there.

An article from Jennifer Crusie about using collage for planning and inspiration
Storywonk podcast about using collage for planning
Another post from Jennifer Cruisie, this time about someone else's collage and planning process
Pictures of the collages Ms. Crusie has created for her books

Progress!

2011-06-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

I've been working on the Ordinary Girl project notes and plans, and I had a major breakthrough yesterday (thank you Stan Lee and X-Men: The Last Stand!).

Finally, I figured out why my main antagonist is such an evil wench. I mean, she's still just a bitch, but there's more of a reason behind her really evil, antagonistic actions now. She has a purpose to her actions besides just being mean and contrary and spiteful. Finally, she is the hero of her own story, and that makes all of her actions make sense and have meaning and helps me know what other things she needs to be doing. Her meanness for no reason has been a problem with the story all along, so this is huge for me, so I just had to celebrate here. Hurray!

Summertime and the Writin' Is Easy

2011-06-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

Maybe not easy. At least not all the time. The important part is that I make it happen! I try various things off and on to get and keep myself going, but my efforts seem to be pretty haphazard most of the time, and I want to change that.

This summer, I'm joining in on SuWriMo (Summer Writing Months). Laura E. Bradford wrote about it in this post that I ran across last week. I'm going to be participating on Twitter (#suwrimo), but I'm also going to do some posting here about this.

I'm going to work on Ordinary Girl, a novel I started for NaNoWriMo several years ago but didn't complete. I'm going to be re-starting the novel but including a lot of the scenes I wrote originally. I'm just going to rewrite them to make them better.

This is what I plan to do this summer (June 1-August 31):

Complete a story plan--this is a light outline that's mostly just the major plot points and notes on a few scenes I've thought up that I really want to include
Write at least 30,000 words
Work out a reasonable time schedule for completion of the first draft

I'll be posting regularly and updating my word counter here on the blog (over there on the right-->). Feel free to poke at me if you don't see me posting any word counts--I'll take all the encouragement I can get.

Now, on to that story plan...

Wishcasting Wednesday--Money, Honey

2011-06-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

It's Wishcasting Wednesday. Our question from Jamie this week: "What is your money wish?"

Perfect timing on this. Again. How does she do that? Anyhow, lately I've been really looking at my poor money habits and making plans for changing for the better. Last week I created a household budget. Yesterday I opened a dedicated household savings account. We're moving along on this.

My money wish--my intention--is to become conscious of my money decisions, pay attention to what I'm spending, when things need to be paid, put money into savings first before spending on anything else. I intend to build up a good savings account and stop living from paycheck to paycheck. I want to be a money grown-up!

In other news, I'll be posting shortly about some writing things I'm going to be doing this summer, starting today, so if you're a writerly sort, check back in a few hours. :)

Wishcasting Wednesday--To My Health

2011-05-25T12:55:00.000-07:00

I think I need to make this Wishcasting Wednesday wish every day. This week, Jamie asks us, "What do you wish for your health?"

The short answer is that I wish to always feel the way I did in March.

The longer answer: I had my first acupuncture appointments, found out I was gluten intolerant and cut wheat from my diet, and I felt great! I had energy. I had a clear head, focus, everything I want. And then I caught a cold on the last day of March. And I haven't yet gotten back to feeling well. I'm told that's because I have adrenal fatigue syndrome. It's common to take weeks and weeks to get over an illness. I don't like it. I want to feel good again. After years of never really feeling well, I had this glorious month of getting to know what a "normal" person feels like. And then it got taken away from me. I want it back.

I want:

Energy
Focus
Clear eyes
No constant aches and pains in joints and other, random places
A clear mind
A settled stomach with no nausea or discomfort
To be able to breathe without feeling congested all the time

Can I have that? Please? Because that's really, really what I wish for.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Into Focus

2011-04-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Today, Jamie asks us, "What do you wish to focus on?" for Wishcasting Wednesday.

Ooh! I know this one!

I wish to focus on me and the life I want to live. I mean really focus--give it my time and attention and love and devotion and energy every single day. I do all right in short bursts, plan a little, do a little, think a little. But then I get sidetracked or distracted or--way too often--discouraged. And the things I want for myself--health, a strong body, a career I love that means something, a clean house, a regular writing life--they fall by the wayside. They become neglected. They don't get done, they don't happen or come into being, because they don't get the attention they deserve.

So... selfish wish? I hope so! We say "selfish" as if it's a bad thing, but it really isn't. It's just giving yourself the oxygen mask first so you are able to move beyond yourself and help someone else next.

I wish to focus on me!

Edit: A flat tire is calling me away, so if I don't get a chance to stop by blogs:

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Tending to Things

2011-04-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

Wishcasting Wednesday again--it feels so good to be able to do this regularly again. This week Jamie asks, "What do you wish to tend?"

My garden. Not my physical garden. I don't have one, although I have some dreams and desires in that direction. I don't have much of a green thumb to go with those wishes, but I'm hoping to make some progress anyhow.

No, the garden I'm thinking of is inside me, in my heart and soul, inside my mind waiting for my attention. It's my own secret garden, my inner landscape that waits for me filled with dreams and guides and visions.

I first learned of this garden in eighth grade from an odd book about meditation and visualization. Going into my inner garden was once a fairly regular part of my personal spiritual practices, but I've let it slip away. And it needs tending now. It needs time and attention and regular visits so I can figure out what my spiritual beliefs and needs are again. And besides, I miss my lovely garden by the sea with its benches and cottages and paths and waterfalls. It's about time I go there again.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Read

2011-04-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

I've been gone for quite a long while, I know. It's a long story, and maybe when I have more energy I'll share it. But my mother was/is sick, so I had an emergency trip to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota (with a much better outcome than we thought we could have--yay!). Then I've been sick for the entire first part of April... There's just been no time, energy, focus, interest for blogging.

But I am feeling a bit better, and life is starting to smooth out, so I'm back. And what better way to dive back in than with Wishcasting Wednesday? This week, Jamie asks us, "What do you wish to read?"

I have about a million books, give or take a few thousand, on my wishlist, and right now I'm not sure that any of them have more weight than the others. So instead I'm going to take this in a silly direction, because after the past six weeks I so much need some silly! So here's what I wish to read:

Tea leaves

Clouds

Tarot Cards

Palms

Birds in Flight

Thanks for keeping my spot warm for me while I was gone. See you all soon!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Set Limits

2011-03-02T15:00:00.000-08:00

It's kind of funny that today's Wishcasting Wednesday question from Jamie Ridler is "What limits to you wish to set?" I haven't done Wishcasting Wednesday for the past couple of weeks because I was really run down and really busy, and I just had to set some limits on how much I was trying to cram into my days.

Actually, over the past several years I've gotten pretty good at setting limits. I limit what I say "yes" to so that I'm not giving all of my time to things people ask of me with none left over for myself. I limit things that will make me overly tired and cause health problems because I've been dealing with some fatigue and pain issues for a few years. I have learned to set limits, but now I think I might need to learn to make sure I'm not trapping myself inside those limits.

But there is one thing I still need to set limits on. I'm getting better about it, but it still needs work. I want to set limits on the time I spend on the internet. I spend too much time roaming about aimlessly. I look something up and start following links and the next thing you know it's three hours later! I need the internet for communication and community and for my class work and my coaching business. But I need to figure out a way to not get sucked in and give too much of my time to the glowing box. Not entirely sure how this needs to look, but there's the wish. That's usually a good place to get things like this started.

I'm a little late on this today, so if I don't get to everyone's posts--As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Express Yourself!

2011-02-16T12:54:00.000-08:00

Today for Wishcasting Wednesday, the Question Queen Jamie Ridler asks, "What aspect of your personality do you wish to express more of?"

That's easy! The freewheeling, bohemian, wild side who doesn't worry what anyone else thinks and wears the purple scarf with the green dress; dances barefoot in the rain on the beach; writes the books she wants to read; turns down the big paying job for something she enjoys; speaks her mind and speaks her truth. That's the me I want to share with the world.

Life has been busy and full the past few weeks--I didn't even have time to wish last week or the week before! I'm going to try really hard to get around to everyone's blogs later tonight if I get home in time and don't collapse in a tired heap. But until then, know that I am wishing wholeheartedly with all of you!

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Enjoy!

2011-01-26T15:22:00.000-08:00

I know this one! Have the answer without even having to think about it. How to bring it about... That's a different story.

This week for Wishcasting Wednesday, Jamie Ridler asks us "What do you wish to enjoy?"

Down time. Relaxation time. Time to unwind, breathe, put my feet up and let my body and mind recharge. I have lost the ability, and I really need it back.

I multi-task even when I don't mean to. I sit at my desk at work when my actual work is done and all I have left to do is wait for the phone to ring. I decide I'm going to read. But that computer in front of me pulls me in, pulls me to check e-mails, look at Facebook, research something I think of as I'm browsing. And then it's two hours later, and I am not at all refreshed or relaxed. I have a hard time stepping away from the internet and the iPod and the things that keep my brain busy, distracted and occupied but not actually getting anything from them. So I wish to enjoy time reading, embroidering, breathing, relaxing, unplugging and recharging.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Feeding Your Hunger

2011-01-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a quickie because I'm swamped with fun and exciting life right now. But I missed last week so didn't want to miss this week, too.

For this week's Wishcasting Wednesday, Jamie asks, "What hunger do you wish to feed?"

The hunger for meaning in my life. For truly belonging somewhere, for truly stepping into and living my life and my work. I hunger for my days to be filled with things that feel weighty and significant and worth doing instead of this boredom and lethargy and busy work they are filled with now.

That's it, my dear Wishcasting friends. I will try to make it around to blogs this week as I can. Meanwhile, I send this out to you:

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well!

Project 52--All Your Weight

2011-01-12T21:51:00.000-08:00

The theme for Week 2 of Project 52 is "illustrate a song." I read that and thought, "I got nothin'." Not one idea came to me for the first two days. I thought I might just have to go off theme this week. And then inspiration hit, and it was perfect! I ended up with an idea that works for this project and my current BodyPages work, too. Bonus!

I ended up with a series of three photos illustrating Collective Soul's song "Heavy."

And all your weight it falls on me
It brings me down
And all your weight it falls on me
It falls on me

I have a complicated, angsty relationship with that old scale. And yet I still sometimes feel the need to know my weight, so I keep the rusty, battered thing around. Its ugliness is an unfortunately perfect complement to how I feel about my weight. Maybe time to get a shiny new scale and a new outlook to match?

MCP Project 52--Something Around the House

2011-01-06T14:14:00.000-08:00

I ran across a link to the MCP Project 52 yesterday and decided to join in. It's a weekly photo challenge with suggested themes (this week's them is "around the house"). I fell behind and then gave up on 365 Project last year, but I'm pretty sure even during my busiest weeks I'll be able to take and upload one photo.

My first photo is a picture of my new recliner and my new soft and fluffy throw, modified with various filters (really modified--the chair isn't red at all, and the blanket is green, but I like how this looks anyhow).

Wishcasting Wednesday--Yes!

2011-01-05T14:45:00.000-08:00

Getting a late start today after an extremely frustrating morning and early afternoon. Finally had a chance to hop over to the Jamie Ridler Studios website for Wishcasting Wednesday, and I found this question: What do you wish to say yes to?

Yes! I am saying yes to just doing it! Moving forward, trying things even if I'm not sure I know how to do them or fear that I don't have the experience to make it work. I say yes to you, life! I am living, not waiting! I say yes to experiencing things even when they make me nervous! I say yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Winter Poem, New Year's Morning

2011-01-01T08:58:00.000-08:00

Tiny brown birds
Flutter like leaves,
Drift amongst branches
Of barren winter trees.

Wishcasting Wednesday--New Year Wish

2010-12-29T13:53:00.000-08:00

It's the last Wishcasting Wednesday of the year, and Jamie asks us, "What do you wish for the New Year?"

As always, I'm a little sad and a little excited that this year is ending. And, as always, I can't help looking forward, making plans, thinking about what I want to do differently, what I want to have in my life, how I want things to be this time next year.

What do I wish for the new year? That I find the inner resources to both see what I really need to do for myself throughout the year and to do those things to take care of myself and let myself soar.

*************************************
I'm going to go ahead and put today's Reverb 10 here because it really fits with Wishcasting.

Defining Moment Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. (Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)

Wishcasting Wednesday has tremendously affected my life this year. I've learned to regularly look inside myself and find out what I think and feel and need. I've learned to actually look closely at those things and express them rather than letting them slip by half-noticed and unformed. And I've met a wonderful community of wishers who boost each other up, encourage each other, and help each other's wishes soar.

Back from the Holidays and Some Reverb 10

2010-12-28T15:17:00.000-08:00

What a weekend! Very busy, but we kept things relaxed enough that there was no overwhelm. Still, lots of wrapping presents, cooking, traveling, visiting. I'm looking forward to the coming long weekend to just lounge.

'Til then, here's a bit of Reverb 10 (I've skipped some that I don't really have an answer for; no sense babbling on inanely just to have something to say).

The year, a bit worn but full of character, is nearly at an end now...

December 23: New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

Ariane Curyll, Ari for short. This is a name I use sometimes, especially online, because there are usually other Kims hanging around. It's a bad Welsh translation of "silver hawk." I didn't know the proper grammatical sequencing when I made it up. Silver is for the moon, because I've always loved to watch the moon and mark her phases. Hawk is for my spirit guide, because many years ago a hawk followed me around for a couple of days until someone said, "Maybe it's your totem." I started researching what that might mean, realized she was right, and ever since then hawks seem to be everywhere I go. So it only seemed fitting that they would be part of my pseudonym.

December 26: Soul Food What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)

Ooh, this is easy. We ate Argentinian food at one of the local food carts--arepas so crispy and light and slightly sweet, they were like a dream. Black beans and rice with a hint of brown sugar, so perfect with the arepas and paprika chicken. Loved this food so much, when we went home I spent days researching recipes to make my own arepas and rice and beans. Still need to perfect those arepas, although I just don't know if I'll ever get them as perfect as the food cart chef makes them.

December 27: Ordinary Joy Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)

Oh, I have lots of these. My cats bring me huge smiles and giggles and great, big bundles of joy every day. I never get tired of watching their silly antics, talking with them and having them answer me, just being with them and watching how cute they are when they sleep.

December 28: Achieve What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. (Author: Tara Sophia Mohr)

Just one? I don't know if there's one that really sits at the top of the list. No, that's not true. It's just that I feel that the one that's at the top of the list shouldn't be the main priority. I feel like getting my coaching business up and running should be in first place, and it's up there on the list, but... I want to finish writing a novel all the way through to a final draft (which, by default, includes finally finishing a first draft!). I imagine that I will feel accomplished. I will feel as if I've finally broken past this wall of "I never finish a novel" that I've been stuck behind for so many years. I think I will feel confident, more sure of myself, like a real writer who can sit down at the computer and do it again.

I'm going to save the brainstorming for my journal because I want something to carry around with me and look at when I'm feeling like it's not going to happen.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Winter Wish

2010-12-22T13:55:00.000-08:00

I'll put my Reverb 10 response at the end here, just in case you were wondering.

But first, Wishcasting Wednesday. This week, Jamie asks, "What is your winter wish?"

I wish I had time to write a poem! That's not my actual wish, but reading this I have misty visions in my head of swirling snowfall, candles, white drifts crunching underfoot, the whole world hushed as the snow swaddles everything in its insulating layers.

I don't quite have time for a poem, though. So on to wishing. I wish for peaceful, quiet times to sit wrapped in cozy blankets with a book and candles lit nearby, a cup of tea at hand and sleeping cats to keep me warm. I wish for regular times of rest and rejuvenation like this and not only when I'm in desperate need and force it to happen. That is my winter wish.

Reverb 10: How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

The only traveling I did this year was six days back home to Chicago. We went by plane, which is normal and sensible. But someday I'd like to have more time for a trip so we could go by train and see the land we're passing through.

Next year, I want to travel more on weekends. We used to do more weekend outings, but full time jobs, health issues, day-to-day life have made us tired and lethargic, and we don't plan those trips any more. (There were some car troubles in there, too, which didn't help at all.) But this coming year, I want trips to the coast even if only for the day. I want weekends away just for fun and not only when we're going to an SCA event.

Reverb 10 December 21--Future Self

2010-12-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

In both cases, I would tell myself the same thing--don't give up! Keep moving forward. The only way to fail is if you just stop.

I'd love to be able to tell my ten-years-younger self not to stop so frequently or for so long, not to give in to those long bouts of hopelessness and despair and lethargy. I wish she knew how much she was actually accomplishing when she thought nothing good was happening in her life. I wish she knew that if she didn't stop each activity after barely dipping her toes in, she could be amazing and powerful and accomplish incredible things. I hope I'm listening to myself right now.

Full Cold Moon Dreamboard

2010-12-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

Happy Solstice! And happy full moon! I don't do this every month, but this full moon is a little special (Jamie at Jamie Ridler Studios says: "Here we are, sharing our dreams under the last full moon in 2010 – and it is a powerful one! Not only is it the Full Cold Moon today, but it’s also the winter solstice and a lunar eclipse!"). So here's my full moon dreamboard--digital collage this time because it's kind of fun to play this way now and then, although I do sort of miss my glue.

Reverb 10 December 20--Beyond Avoidance

2010-12-20T14:45:00.000-08:00

Beyond Avoidance What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Ha! Are they kidding? Just check my posts under "procrastination." Maybe "fears" and "overcoming fears," too. This avoidance thing is where I excel!

What I've avoided this year, often because of being tired, distracted, disorganized and generally unsure of myself:

Writing a book
Cleaning my house
Creating and offering online workshops
Writing an e-book course
Finishing Kelly Rae Roberts' "Flying Lessons" course
Losing weight
Starting an exercise program

I'm just going to stop there. It's depressing. It's a lifelong problem I am working to overcome. Yes, I intend to do many of these things in the coming weeks, months, year.

One thing I will make note of--I think I've mentioned this before: I believe all of my incompletes all track back to an inner lack of feeling secure, nurtured and confident. So a lot of my focus is going to be on learning to care for myself, creating the support I need to accomplish my goals, and boosting my belief in myself and my self-confidence. I'll keep you posted on how it's going.

Reverb 10 December 19--Healing

2010-12-19T14:50:00.000-08:00

Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

All I can think of is "Sexual Healing." And I don't even like that song. And it has nothing to do with anything that happened to me this year. I fear my answer to this prompt is either nonexistent or nonsensical. Or maybe both.

What healed me? I don't know. I don't feel healed. As a matter of fact, over the past couple of months I've really been overwhelmed by the comprehension of how much of me needs to be healed. My physical self desperately needs to be healed--of the pain in my foot and ankles and various random places, the headaches, the lethargy, the stomach problems. My heart and soul need to be healed, they need to be nurtured (and so does my physical self, and these are directly related, oh yes they are), they need a welcoming place to live and thrive, they need support and love to be brave enough to fly. I need a lot of healing. I am hoping that, with the work I'm planning through BodyPages, through Inner Excavation (which work I hope will be deepened and expanded on by working with the tips and techniques in Expressive Photography), through the plans I'm making for my Wild Minds Writing Retreat... I hope that through my personal work and the work I share with others I will find the healing I need even if I'm not completely, solidly sure of exactly what it is. Wish me luck! :)

Reverb 10 Lesson Learned and Trying

2010-12-18T20:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was so much fun! My good friend Laura and I both had the day off work, so we went out to lunch and art shopping to celebrate her birthday. I got the coolest collage sheets of old photographs! And some smooch spray and really cool translucent tape with colors and patterns! But I digress.

Since I was off gallivanting, I missed my Reverb 10 posting, so I'm doing double time today.

December 17: Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

I learned that if I can keep myself from getting too frustrated and feeling hopeless and giving up on a project, if I can just get myself to breathe deeply and take the next step, then I can do things I thought I couldn't do (I really learned this when I was building my MuseCraft website--talk about feeling lost and clueless!).

How will I apply this lesson? The same way I have been. But in the coming year, I want to apply it to cleaning my house and creating a living space I really love and creating a physical self I am comfortable and happy with. If I can keep this lesson in mind, keep practicing it, I think I really can do anything.

December 18: Try What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

Here's a little something I shot and then manipulated with filters, to get a jump start on that trying.

Try? I don't know. There are things I want to do, but off the top of my head I don't have anything new I want to try. I want to write more poetry, which I haven't done in years, but that's not something new. I want to really delve into photography. Not just taking more pictures but really learning about how to use my camera, use lighting effects, use filters. So I guess I do actually have something I want to try.

Reverb 10 December 16--Friendship

2010-12-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

Friendship How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

I don't have a solid answer for this and feel a little bored by the question in some way I can't quite explain. But, I intend to carry this project through to the end of the month, so I'm going to answer. Besides, my awesome friends deserve some applause.

This year, the fabulous Anna invited me to a really great workshop all about promoting your small business for very little cash expenditure.

The wonderful Brittney lured me into a love affair with all things bento. (Um, I think I'm happy about this. My wallet may have other things to say! *grin*)

Wow, I know there must be more things to mention, but I'm drawing a blank. I'm going to just let this be done, and if I think of more to add later, I'll do an edit. The end.

Two For One Deal! Reverb 10 (Five Minutes) and Wishcasting (Soar)

2010-12-15T12:03:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd make it easy on all of us and combine these today. I hope it doesn't make for too long a post!

First, Reverb 10--5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

Started my own coaching business, MuseCraft
Learned to build my own website
Learned to use Twitter and Facebook and connected with so many cool writers and creatives
Made my first mixed media painting
Had my first birthday party at home in twelve years
Learned to make homemade pierogi
Went on my first solo photowalk
Joined in on Worldwide Photowalk in July
Had my first massage and didn't hate it

Wishcasting: How do you wish to soar?

I wish to soar into action. I want to overcome procrastination and anxiety, float right by them and straight into doing all of the things I really want to be doing in my life--writing, art journaling, teaching, painting, dancing, walking. I want to soar above all the mundane things I let block my way and fly right into the life I want to live.

Reverb 10 December 14--Appreciate

2010-12-14T11:09:00.000-08:00

December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

Oh, how much do I not feel appreciative today?! My inner three year old is having a tantrum and doesn't want to write about this and hates everything and it's all stupid and why don't you just go away I'm running away from home right now!

Really needed to get that out of my system. I am having car troubles, and the mechanic thinks it's the transmission which is way out of my budget for fixing and I am stressed beyond belief. So, appreciative? Not so much.

The past year? I want to write something mature or meaningful or something. But the things that come to mind immediately? My iPod Touch and my Kindle. Yep, gadgets. Oh, I'm supposed to pick one? Hmmm... I guess the Pod. I love all the entertainment and communication in this tiny little rectangular box I can hold in one hand. Play cards, play Scrabble, tweet at friends, check on Facebook, browse the internet, shop at Amazon...all right there. I can curl up under the blankets and have a whole world in my hands, and I just love it! I got it used, so it's a first generation and doesn't have all the bells and whistles, but I just love having it around.

That's really all for me right now you guys. Too much in my head, too much stress, really can't think straight so I'm going to make tea.

Reverb 10 December 13--Action

2010-12-13T14:09:00.000-08:00

Action: When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

This one seems a lot more about looking forward to next year rather than wrapping up this year. Still, it matches perfectly with where my head is right now.

My next step is to make a list of all the things I would like to accomplish and then prioritize them or pick the ones that I want to focus on. I have these ideas roaming around in my head, but if I look closely I can see that there are too many to work on at once. So I need to pick the ones that I will do starting now and let the others wait in the wings for when there's room for them.

The things I want to do in the coming year:

Get stronger, healthier, fitter, more comfortable and happier in my body
Finish a novel and start submitting it
Have my house clean, beautiful, welcoming--a sanctuary I love coming home to every day

There we go, there's step one. These are the three things I'm going to be focusing on. And they're big, so it's a lot even though I've pared down the list. But I believe these can coexist and all get the time and attention they'll need to make them happen.

Reverb 10 December 12--Body

2010-12-12T16:56:00.000-08:00

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

I don't feel like answering this! It makes me sad--again. This is feeling a little bit like a journey through the things I lack. I don't feel integrated with my body. I often feel like my body fights against me or that I fight against it--we are definitely at war too often. I frequently catch myself thinking that I hate myself, and when I'm thinking that it's really my body, my physical self that I am railing against. So, no. There are no moments of integration, but I want them very much.

Lest this seem all dark and dreary with no shiny lining, I am doing something to make this happen. I was going to post about this later this week, but apparently now is the time. I am building an art journal group to focus on body--weight loss (or gain--whatever each of us needs), exercise, most especially acceptance and building self-esteem and self-love. Creating bodies we can live in, love in, appreciate, love.

So, if you also want to get comfortable with your body, make healthy changes in a kind and compassionate way, learn to revel in your physical self, you're invited to join in. (And feel free to grab the image for a button on your blog if you like--there's a smaller version in the sidebar, too.)

One note--this is not something I'm doing as part of my professional coaching services although it may turn into some sort of e-book or course or something in future. Right now, this is just me putting together some prompts and ideas and research to help myself and hopefully help those who come along for the ride. I think it's going to be fun, but none of this is stuff I've tried before, so we'll all be doing everything together, no leaders, no followers, just companions.

Reverb 10 December 11--Things

2010-12-11T15:11:00.000-08:00

The Reverb 10 question for today is really hard: Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson) It's really hard because I love things! And stuff. And a little bit of clutter. I am not comfortable in an overly tidy, sparse place. Still, there are things that can and should go.

Paper scraps and ephemera in multiple locations all over the house. If I clear out the stuff I really don't want and then move all of the other bits to one area so they're all together, I will never have to search for that particular sheet of decorated paper or that one really cool wine label ever again!
Stacks of books everywhere. Some of them just need to go away--novels I didn't like well enough to want to read again, instruction books or other non-fiction books that are out of date. If all of my books learn to live on shelves, it will be so wonderfully easy to put my hands on whatever certain book I'm looking for at any given moment.
Embroidery supplies all over the place! I am fairly certain that I have at least fifteen skeins of black floss because I keep misplacing them and having to buy more. Having it all in one dedicated location will mean that I can just pick up a few items and start a new project. It will also mean that when I'm planning a project I'll know for sure what I actually need to go out and buy rather than guessing at whether or not I have something--like black floss.
Clothes that don't fit. I have stacks of clothes that I don't wear, mostly because they don't fit, and I can't quite seem to get them out the door. If I do, there will be room for the clothes I actually do wear, and that would mean I could get dressed in something I actually like every day of the week.
Shoes. I have such a hard time with shoes because I have structural issues and pain issues with my feet and ankles and legs. So sometimes I get shoes and they seem okay and then they start hurting my ankles or legs. And yet I hold onto them because they were expensive. If I would just get rid of them, I could have space for new shoes that do work. And I could stop tripping over them on my way to the thermostat.
Magazines. I love to read magazines. But I have a problem with holding onto them, and it's only become worse since I've started doing art journaling. I have so many magazines, and I hold onto them because I think I will go through them and tear out promising collage pictures, but I almost never do that. And the magazines just pile up. I think I need to just recycle all of them and start fresh with new ones for clippings. And I need to make a rule that magazines (except Cloth Paper Scissors, Quilting Arts and Writer's Digest) don't get to stay in the house longer than two months. This would clear up so much space I could use for books and embroidery supplies!
Food I don't like. It's sort of like with the shoes. We buy something, I don't like it, yet I keep it because it was expensive. So again I'm taking up space I could be using for something I actually want around me.
Old CDs. Same as all of the above--they're taking up space in multiple locations.
Old video tapes. Yes, I said tapes. Once again with the using valuable space (oh, I see a trend here for certain, don't you?!)
Stacks of notebooks, binders, paper. I don't need them. I just have an office supply problem, but I have stuff that I bought for organizing systems I don't like or use. I could donate this stuff and make more space for useful things I want!
Old dishtowels, pot holders, bathroom towels, throw rugs. They're ugly, unmatched, worn, and dirty, and they bring me down when I look at them. I hold onto them because buying new ones is expensive, but if I got rid of the junky, worn stuff and got new stuff I like to look at, I believe walking into my kitchen or bathroom or bedroom and seeing pretty towels and rugs would go a long way toward helping me have a home I like to come home to.

Reverb 10 December 10--Wisdom

2010-12-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

Today's prompt from Reverb 10: What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

I know I've made several good choices this year, mostly to do with stepping away from things that were taking too much of my time and energy. Every one of those decisions has added to me moving closer to living the life I want to have. They have all been good decisions, even when they were really hard choices becausethey involved stepping away from something that I wasn't completely ready to let go of yet. But for this year, I don't think those are the wisest in the long run even though they added great things to my life. The wisest decision this year was one I made with my beloved--we bought a dishwasher.

Don't laugh! It has changed my life in crazy, huge ways. I love that old, slightly beat up, noisy thing (it was used).

Here's how things used to be--come home from work exhausted, often in pain, wanting to lie down, needing some food. Go to the kitchen to see about dinner and become instantly overwhelmed, sometimes to the point of tears. Too often, decide that I couldn't handle making dinner and get fast food or pizza.

Why couldn't I handle making dinner? Besides the fatigue and pain which I still deal with, the kitchen was a disaster. Both sides of the sink piled with dirty dishes. The small amount of counter space we do have also piled with dirty dishes. The stove piled with dirty pots and pans. A small bench next to the sink stacked with more dirty stuff. Frequently, every dish in the house was dirty. I always had to move things around, make a bit of room at the sink, and do a bunch of dishes before I could even think about getting started on making food. It was too much on too many days.

Now? I still have days where I can't deal with making dinner--still too many of them for my liking--but now it's only because I'm exhausted and sometimes in pain. Now, I walk into my kitchen and know that, except for the few things that might be dirty in the dishwasher at the moment, anything I own that I might want to use to make dinner is clean, in its place, and ready for me. Now, I cook dinner much more often. I experiment with new recipes. I make breakfast on the weekends.

So actually, go ahead and laugh if you want. I don't mind. My best decision of the year is waiting for me at home to pile in dinner dishes after we've eaten, and all the laughter in the world isn't going to take the shine off of that.

Reverb 10, December 9--Party

2010-12-09T14:30:00.000-08:00

"December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)"

Party? Did I go to any parties? I guess I went to some gatherings, but I'm feeling quite sad right now, because I didn't do anything or go anywhere really special. There was nothing that rocked my socks off. That's not to say I didn't do some enjoyable things, go to some enjoyable gatherings. But I'm finding myself wishing I'd done at least one really special, fantastic, memorable thing this year. The good news is this is showing me something I need to make sure happens next year.

Just so it's not too sad, the fun gatherings I went to this year:

The I Heart Art Portland mixer in February
My birthday party--it was small, but it was the first time since 1998 that I've been home for my birthday, and my aunt made special food, and some of my cousins came, and there was cake, and it was warm and loving and really great
Our NaNoWriMo kickoff party which ended up being almost twice as large as I expected and filled with awesome, enthusiastic writers
The Soiree of Furious Typing a couple of weeks ago, because there's nothing like staying up with a bunch of other writers until midnight in a cozy, slightly funky coffee house that's playing Dead Can Dance on the speakers specially for you

Here's a different sort of list. What gatherings do I wish had happened this year to knock my socks off? Maybe if I know what I want, I'll be able to create it in 2011.

Something like Kelly Rae Roberts' LoveBomb group. I have a longing, a craving deep in my heart, for days walking the beach and nights drinking wine around the fire with other women who share my love for books and writing and making art and being a little odd and watching the moon and listening to the rain
A trip to one of the Steampunk conventions, complete with awesome outfit; I'd love to go, soak in the atmosphere, see the clothes and bright shiny things
The Willamette Writers' Conference because I loved it when I did get to go and really want to go again

I need to stretch myself, push myself to get out of the house next year and make some of these things happen. People aren't just going to visit me in my bedroom, you know! Learning so much from writing these little Reverb 10 snippets...

Reverb 10--December 1-8

2010-12-08T16:21:00.000-08:00

I completely missed out on hearing about this really cool, yearly web event: Reverb 10. "Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what's next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both." (That's from the website.)

I'm going to do a catch up post for the week I missed and then keep on with this through December because I love the idea and can see how focusing on this as this year rolls into next can really help me put energy behind my wishes for myself and my life.

December 1--One Word
     My one word for 2010 would have to be "fitful." I've done a lot this year, met wonderful, creative people online that I am feeling more connected to all the time. But there have been great periods of dormancy when I've been frozen by lethargy, self-doubt, depression, general inertia. "Fitful" seems like a perfect description of my forward motion this year.

December 2--Writing
     "What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)" I procrastinate, I play around online, I forget why I want to write and sometimes even that I do want to write, I actively avoid it, I tell myself mean things that make me feel it isn't worth the time. Yes, I can eliminate a lot of this. It's going to take a lot of work, but most of all it's going to take paying attention to the things I'm doing that keep me from my words. But I can do it.

December 3--Moment
     This one makes me feel really sad and kind of like I want to give up on this venture. I can't think of a moment when I felt most alive, not just from this year but in I don't know how long. I really don't know, don't have an answer for this, and that is heartbreaking.

December 4--Wonder
     I cultivated wonder in my life this year by learning lots of new things, trying new things, and looking for it all around me. I started a new business, learned how to build a WordPress website, started my first newsletter, joined in on many creative online groups and discussions, started playing with my camera more again to look more closely at the world around me, remembered to watch the moon and the stars the way I used to, watched the birds in my yard every day.

December 5--Let Go
     Have I let go of anyone or anything this year? I did let go of some duties I had taken on in the SCA because they were taking too much time and effort and wearing at me when my heart had been pulled elsewhere. I let go of spending my time and energy on things that no longer held much meaning for me.

December 6--Make
     What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)" The last thing I made was this great new recipe for a Swiss potato dish called a rosti. That was on Monday. On the weekend, I made background pages in my art journal. I make a lot of things throughout the year. Is there something I need to clear some time for? Regular art journaling, although that's not specifically one thing. Is there one thing? Yes! I know. I want to make curtains for my bathroom and my studio--I really want them and keep not doing it. So that's the one thing I want to make next.

December 7--Community
     "Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)" This has been a really big word for me this year. I had to really acknowledge that I'm lonely and really want and need more friends. But in creating my new business, I have started connecting with people online, and I'm starting to feel that I'm becoming part of a community of creatives and writers. One of the biggest ways this is happening is through Twitter, which still seems so odd to me. But in May I took a short workshop on using social media, learned about how to use Twitter effectively, and there you have it. I've also connected with several people through Wishcasting on Jamie Ridler's website. Took a wonderful class with Kelly Rae Roberts and connected with many fabulous artists there and on Facebook afterward. And I've connected with a great group of writers, most local to me, through NaNoWriMo this year.
     For 2011, I want to connect more with other writers. I'm building a community for us online, and I hope it will bring many of us together for companionship and support and more writing. I am also creating a community of women who want to change their bodies and physical selves while also feeling better about ourselves and learning to love and accept ourselves.

December 8--Beautifully Different
     What makes me different that lights people up? I guess I found out during NaNo that my ability to be a cheerleader of sorts is really appealing to people because I encourage and occasionally gently prod without being overly chipper or perky or annoying. And I really like that about myself, so I think that might be a beautifully different thing about me. What else is different about me? I don't know for sure. I feel fairly ordinary, but at the same time I know I'm not. I'm still learning about the differences of me and learning to embrace them.

Wishcasting Wednesday--Transforming

2010-12-08T14:36:00.000-08:00

This week, Jamie's question for Wishcasting Wednesday is "What do you wish to transform?" This one is easy! At least on some levels. My answer is simple, or at least short, but there's so much complexity underneath. For now, I'll just make the wish and delve into the underlayers a bit at a time, like peeling an onion.

I wish to transform my physical self--my body, my energy, my physical surroundings. I am living in places that are very uncomfortable, and this keeps me from doing what I want to do. My body is overly heavy, sluggish, has too much pain, too little energy. I want to change that. My house is cluttered, messy, unattractive, makes me tired and depressed just looking around at it. I want to change that.

Where to start? How to start? How to get enough energy to do anything that might lead to a better physical existence including more energy? I don't know those answers yet, but making the wish, that's my beginning.

Post-NaNo Plans

2010-12-05T15:10:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to send out to my writing friends who want to continue our adventure now that November and NaNoWriMo are over.

For December, let's keep the Twitter chatting going on using the hashtag #writeallyear. I wanted to switch away from the #NaNoPDX tag and other NaNo specific tags we were using because some people who didn't do NaNo would like to have some writing company throughout the year. This doesn't mean we will do away with #NaNoPDX or any of the others. The PDX version will still be great for planning local meetings, write-ins, etc. But I wanted to create something that is more generic.

So, what are we going to do with this? Post monthly goals, post progress, cheer each other on. Pretty much the same stuff we did in November.

Later this month, I will be unveiling a new website (I hope) that will give us member profile pages and other things we can use in addition to the Twitter chat, but I didn't want to wait for that to be up and running to put something in place. Don't want to lose that momentum!

So, after you read this, let us know your December goals either here in the comments or on Twitter or both. I'll let you know when the next phase is ready to go.

Meanwhile, keep writing!

(My December goal: 15,000 words; trying to be realistic and plan for the holiday crazies.)

Yeah, Baby, I'm a Winner!

2010-11-29T21:54:00.000-08:00

Love the monkey, but it's missing the year, so:

And now, cheesecake. Winner's cheesecake!

Words, Sensible and Otherwise

2010-11-27T23:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I'm at the Soiree of Furious Typing, an awesomely fun six hour write-in put together by one of our Portland NaNoWriMo people.

Now for confession time--I stopped writing about 45 minutes ago. I hit my 2,000 word goal for the day, and I stopped. Mostly because I'm so tired that it was getting to a point where I knew I wasn't going to be able to write anything sensible or coherent. And while the point of NaNo is mostly to get things down and worry about coherence and whatnot after the first draft is done, I just can't stand to type complete drivel. If it's something to do with the story, and I'm just not quite getting the descriptions right or full enough or something like that on the first try, I'm okay with that. But I'm so tired, I found myself repeating things, so I knew it was time to stop.

But, it's all fine. Yesterday, I wrote just over 7,600 words. Today I wrote 2,082 words for a total of 45,794 which puts me a few hundred words over today's goal of 45,009. I may even finish this out tomorrow, although Monday is more likely.

Now, it sounds like it's time for cleaning up as the Soiree ends in half an hour. It's been fun, but I am so looking forward to my bed!

Wishcasting Wednesday--Invitation

2010-11-24T10:51:00.000-08:00

I missed Wishcasting Wednesday last week because I was really sick, so I'm especially excited to see such a deep, powerful question this week. Jamie asks us "What do you wish to invite in?" I think I felt my heart open up just a little bit to let in all the things that flew through my mind.

So what do I wish to invite? My mind filled with so many things I want in my life--a creative, fulfilling career; a strong, healthy, slim body; a welcoming, comfortable, attractive home; a regular writing life; a healthy relationship with food. So many things flooded in. I couldn't capture them all. I can't put them all into words. So, I tried to distill it all, and this is what I came up with:

I wish to invite in the wisdom,insight, foresight, strength and perseverance to see what I want in my life, see what I want to create, and then to reach out and make it so.

NaNoWriMo Day 21

2010-11-21T15:41:00.000-08:00

I didn't write yesterday. I had a relapse of my nasty cold on Friday, and yesterday was generally miserable, too. Today, finally, I feel mostly better. I still have a bit of a cough, and my throat is not completely better, but it feels so much better by comparison! Now if I could just stop needing to sleep so much.

So, NaNoWriMo. My plan for the rest of the month is to write at least 3,000 words each day. Thursday being Thanksgiving may put a bit of a kink in that plan, but if I do at least the 3K over the next few days, I'll have a cushion going into Thursday and will be fine, especially because Friday I am off work and can write all day.

I'm starting to see a pattern in my writing schedule. I think I'm not an every day writer. I seem to do really well with 3-4 writing sessions a week, especially if I can make them 2-3 hours long. That's actually a really good thing to know. That's also a writing schedule I believe I can easily fit into my life even when it's not November. That should let me easily reach my 25,000 words a month goal I'm planning on. I may even find that 25K is a little low, but I'll wait a few months and see how it goes. Maybe I'll revisit my plan and adjust my monthly goals at the end of March--three months should give me a decent idea of whether or not my plan is a good one for me.

Back to NaNo. Today I've written 2,027 of my 3K. I'm taking a break now to clean up and go grocery shopping. It's cold and wet and nasty out, so I'd really rather stay here and write. It's so hard to drag myself out of the house on days like this!

But drag myself out the door I must, because I am not excessively rich and have no servants to send out shopping for me. Anyone feel sorry for me? I didn't think so. :D

Have a great Sunday, everyone! More writing talk tomorrow, I'm sure.

NaNoWriMo Day 19

2010-11-19T21:15:00.000-08:00

Broke 25,000 words tonight! Hurray! I am happy dancing over here. Okay, my feet are. The rest of me is lounging on the bed nursing a nasty cold and sore throat I've had for three days.

I'm still a little behind in my word count (but catching up a bit more every day), but I'm also still loving working on this story. This story is the first time in a while that I feel as if I'm really learning something about my own writing process. I think some of the things I've been studying--especially the stuff from Larry Brooks at StoryFix and Tami Moore with her awesome plotting kit--are really helping me learn how to fill in the spaces between the major plot points. I feel like I've made a big leap forward with this story, and I'm getting really excited to see how the story goes. And I'm also getting really excited to use the stuff I'm learning to finally finish the two really great stories I started that I didn't quite know how to finish.

Now, though, I'm going to settle into bed for a bit of TV and a long night's sleep so I can hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling better and ready to write.

Body, Mind, and Creativity

2010-11-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

I have decided to lose weight. I have done this before. I had a major setback, and now after three years all sixty pounds are back--and I hadn't reached my goal back in 2007, either.

What does this have to do with creativity? Everything. Not because being thinner will make me more creative. Not because losing weight is particularly a creative activity--although it can be when you start playing with recipes and things like that. For me, being overweight directly affects my creativity because of all the mental time and space and energy it takes up. Then there's the added bonus of being depressed over my physical condition--that eats up quite a lot of my creative space, too. And the low self-esteem and general self-loathing I've dealt with my entire life because of my weight. That takes a chunk of my heart and soul that could be going into my creative work.

That's just the emotional and mental stuff. Add in that the last sixty pounds I gained and lost and gained back is due to physical issues--constant exhaustion and pain and the lethargy that comes with those and not exercising because of said exhaustion and pain. While the physical issues happened before the last bit of weight gain, I know that they are also made worse from being so overweight. And yet I can't seem to get myself moving and do something about it all. And that just makes me feel worse, more down on myself and depressed and hopeless. And then that leads to more of all of the above!

I need to lose weight. For my mental health. For my physical health. For my creative health. Last time, I did it by getting completely caught up in working on diet and exercise plans constantly. And I realize it's going to require focus and attention, the same way anything important does. I need to make sure that I can still give focus and attention to my creative work, though, because last time I only had eyes for the weight loss and didn't really do any creative work for seven months.

So that's where things stand right now. I need to lose weight and get stronger physically. I need to heal the mental wounds surrounding my physical self. I need to do this without losing touch with my creative activities. The how? I guess that's something I'll be blogging about now and then as I figure it out. Wish me luck!

NaNoWriMo--Day 16? Yikes!

2010-11-16T13:11:00.000-08:00

This awesome image, as many of mine do, comes from Stock.xchng. You should check them out.

I haven't been writing as much as I'd planned. I'm definitely behind on my NaNoWriMo word count. I'm not feeling worried about it, though. I'm not so far behind that I can't catch up pretty easily, and I know the coming weekend is wide open for writing sessions.

I am feeling worried about something else, and I just realized last night that this has been going on inside my head for a while. More than a while--probably for years.

I went through a period of being afraid that I don't actually know how to write a whole novel, that I don't know how to finish one. I've been working on that for a few years, and I think I'm at a point where I can make it happen. We'll know for sure when I actually hit the end of this story (end of January, that's still the intention). But now that I'm feeling a bit more confident in my ability to actually write a whole novel from start to finish, I discovered that there's been a companion fear hiding back there all this time. I learned that I'm even more afraid that, once I have a completed first draft, I won't know how or be able to revise it into something submittable.

There's good news here. Not because once I recognized the fear I knew it was unfounded. I don't have any idea if I will know how to revise my novel into something I can shop around. But now that I've seen the fear and recognized it for what it is, it doesn't stand a chance. I usually only get completely derailed by amorphous, unnamed fears, and this one has a name now, and that means I own it. And I will not let a fear that I can see, that I know is there, stop me from doing something I want.

This isn't a quick process for me. It won't be "Oh, I see you, fear, and now you're out of here for good." I know I won't traipse through finishing my first draft and then skip merrily through my revisions. I know the fear will grab me and throw me down and hold me in the corner. For a bit. But then I'll shove it back in its box and keep going, because now I know it, and it can't control me, and I will win.